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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SunnyLite922 on 2023-09-21 09:21:35.
I (25F) had my first baby with my husband (25M). Our daughter is named Calla to honor my grandma. She loved Calla Lilies and always thought Calla would make a pretty name. My husband and I wholeheartedly agree with that and the name seemed perfect for our little girl.
The choice to name her Calla instead of Elizabeth, my grandma's actual name, was a controversial one among my family. You see, there are pretty much only 3 or 4 names for each sex circulating within my family. Everyone is named after everyone and always the exact same first name and usually last. It's a pain in the butt and not something my husband or I wanted to keep up.
My grandma even hated it. My grandpa was a very domineering man and he chose to name their kids names that already existed in his family. She had zero say and she hated it. I remember complaining to her one day that I hated sharing my name with four other family members I saw all the time. She told me every person deserves their own name and she never liked how our family had to all have the same names. This is when I also learned how hard my grandpa was on her and how he basically treated her like shit and made decisions for her when they were married, which was pretty much pressured by both their families.
She was the one who told me about honor names being more special if you don't use the actual name but something about the person or what they loved. So maybe a virtue name based on a virtue for the loved one or their favorite flower or plant, place they loved or their birth month/stone.
We lost her two years ago and it was awful. My husband adored her too and she adopted him as a grandkid when we were kids (he and I were best friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend). For us both it made sense to honor her and doing it how we felt was better but also how she felt was better.
My family have really pushed the idea that we were wrong to name her something weird that is not Elizabeth and they say I should not say we honored grandma. I never asked for their opinions but they gave them and would not stop giving them and insulting the choice we made. So I snapped and told them my daughter's name is none of their business so they should keep their unwanted opinions to themselves. They told me there was no need to be rude and I should be willing to hear honest feedback from people who love us. They claimed naming is very much a family business in my family and I should also know and respect that.
AITA?