If only bosses actually cared about productivity and free employee satisfaction.
It has nothing to do with productivity. When you have a lease for 20 years on very expensive downtown property and a whole department that manages that property and sr stakeholders that have investments in the commercial real estate. Then it all makes sense.
Also they tend to be control freaks.
I know me, I'm a control freak
If all you have is a lease, then this is the sunk cost fallacy. Your paying the lease whether you use it or not, so that should not be a factor. Not using it is still cheaper as you do not have the overhead of keeping the space usable (electricity, janitors, etc), and eventually the lease will end. And, you might something else to do with the space that, while not worth the lease, still has non 0 value that you wouldn't get if the space was being used for offices. Besides, at some point the lease would end.
Of course, if your board and executives have investments in commercial real estate, or industries that depend on it (restraunts in commercial areas, supplies of office grade toilet paper, etc), then they have a clear conflict of interest, and may want to sacrifice the interests of the one company to prop up their other investments. In theory, shareholders could sue over this. However, not only would this be very hard to prove, but almost all shareholders have the exact same conflict of interest.
I know commercial real estate contacts are more complicated than just a lease. Plus companies lose tax incentives from local governments that outweigh any any power and building staff costs. The problem is its not the lease that's required to get those incentives. It's butts in seats and with commercial real estate contacts they may have to pay a penalty if people are nit using the building because the building owner may have contracts with city to make sure that buildings traffic is supporting other businesses around the office building that may be owned by the same people. Note I think the whole system is stupid but it's more complicated than just sunk cost.
Having a % increase associated with masturbation (vs undefined/infinite) means that there was a non-0 number of office masturbations prior to remote work.
Duh
The interesting part really is that it's RECORDED non-zero amount. Someone's been keeping track
I work in cybersecurity. One of our common issues is people getting malware while surfing for porn. I'm willing to bet that it's not all looking and no touching.
Of course there is a non-zero amount of in-office wanking. But how many get measured?
Story time !
I has living in flat share with 2 friends while studying master. We all had a 4 month internship in different companies during the summer break (mandatory). The week back to university after the internships we also also provided temporary shelter to a younger student while she was looking for a new flat. For context, this young lady was raised in a very strict Christian family. As we were all friends in this flat, we use to cook and eat most meals together. One evening the topic came up, about how boring the internships were. One friend confessed he was so bored he went to the toilet to masturbate on the job, using his phone for porn. I was like "no way you did !" and the second friend said, "yeah me too, I also had a wank on the job". Out of 3 guys, 2 had a wank on the job in the course of 4 month. Our lady friend was more like "You guys MASTURBATE!?!".
You're missing out brah.
No c-suite manager I've ever known would be so easily convinced by cold, hard facts like that. If they have their mind set on RTO, they're going to do it no matter how detrimental it would be to worker morale/productivity.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a penny, that's why I'm drunk on "Jack" and Henny.
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
Sadly, what I do
Doesn't really rhyme
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime
That's why I'm jerkin
On company time.
I like it!
In that case, I have another for you:
I drive a Volvo
Boss drives Lamborghini
That's why we need
more people like Luigi
I make a dollar, boss makes thousands and banks it, that's why my monkey waits for work until I spank it
Ah yes. At long last, after all these years! It is time for the putting-out system to make a comeback!
Wait, I was supposed to record how often I jerk it when I was in the office? Because I may have underreported. ๐
RTO: Return To Orgasm
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