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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AngrySalad3231 on 2023-09-23 16:57:22.
I (22F) am a teacher. I came home from school yesterday in not the best mood, and my fiancé, “Jake” (25M) immediately noticed I wasn’t acting like myself. He asked me what happened and although I didn’t really go into too much detail, I told him it was a rough day at work. Then Jake’s brother, “Daniel” (31M), who is currently staying with us, chimed into the conversation from across the room. He said that I didn’t have a right to complain because teachers are glorified babysitters, and that if I had a “real job” maybe he’d understand.
Normally, I try to brush these comments off, and honestly at first, I wasn’t sure if he was kidding, so I gave him the opportunity to repeat what he said, but he was serious. The second time, he added that “he didn’t understand why I didn’t want to do something “meaningful and productive” with my life. At this point, Jake was getting pretty upset listening to this happen. He and Daniel have a very tumultuous relationship that they were recently working on, but he told Daniel that if he continues to speak to me that way he would have to leave our house.
It is also important to add here that Daniel works really long hours in a hospital, has a 2 year old daughter, and has commented previously about how he wishes he got to spend more time with her. In the moment with my frustration. I responded to Daniel’s comments by saying, “at least I get to spend every holiday and summer with my family, that’s what meaningful and productive to me.”
Daniel stormed out, and shortly after I felt really bad about what I’d said. I asked Jake if I should text Daniel and apologize or wait for him to come back and do it in person. Jake said that I’m NTA, and that Daniel needs to be the first one to apologize to me. Jake even went as far as to say that if I did not receive an apology, Daniel would not be at our wedding, which I think might be a bit extreme. I can see both sides here. Daniel did start the argument, and enter a conversation that wasn’t about him to begin with quite aggressively, but I’m now unsure if my comments were out of line. AITA? Should I apologize to Daniel?