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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Acrobatic-Salad-4531 on 2023-09-24 16:51:30.

So I (40m) was having a conversation with my younger brother(23M) about growing a family since my fertility struggles is well known in the family. He mentioned that he was trying to have a kid with his new wife so that's when we started to talk about basic stuff like potential names etc

My brother (let's call him Ryan) mentioned that he just really hopes it's a boy and not a girl. I asked him why, of course being curious. Ryan mentioned that girls come with more problems than girls, emotional problems, periods and teen pregnancy to name a few problems. Ryan went on to mention that he's not interested in dealing horny guys trying to bang his daughter and he just can't see himself having common interests compared to a boy. He also wants to pass on the family name and a daughter would just take on another man's name.

I was first thinking, does his wife know about his thinking but I instead asked informed him you can't really control the sex of the baby. I was a little shocked because I never really saw this side of him, then again he's 17 years younger so maybe I didn't see everything since I moved out early.

The kicker is that he said he wished he could have an option like I do. Now in IVF, you could have the option for gender if you pay for genetic testing in the US depending on the clinic. It's not typically used to pick which sex, but to determine the best quality embryo in terms of genetic defects to transfer. So if I have an issue with my sperm quality the best embryo regardless of sex is typically chosen.

I was annoyed and told him he should be fortunate that he doesn't have to go through the debt and pain of infertility and that if he's so worried about the sex of a potential child he shouldn't have kids at all. When his wife came in the room and asked what he were talking about, I told her. She was very appalled by what Ryan said and thought it was an asshole thing to say, considering she's also a woman

He was very offended and felt betrayed that I brought it up in front of his wife and hasn't talked to me since, it's been a week. AITA for both telling my brother he should never have kids and telling his wife? I feel like I might have caused friction by bringing it up and should have minded my business.