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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_peach_2396 on 2023-09-24 20:05:16.
My husband has a best friend named John that he’s known since college. I really like John but it’s worth mentioning that John grew up very differently from both me and my DH in that he comes from a wealthy family who supported him financially until he graduated from college and got his first job working for a major bank. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor or work a lower paying service job and have to make ends meet because he never had to. I don’t think it makes him a bad person, just out of touch with reality.
That leads me to this: one thing about John is that I absolutely hate going out to eat with him. He is so rude to servers and will often find reasons to not tip them. He has a habit of trying to order off menu or adding so many modifications to a dish that it’s no longer recognizable and will get angry if it’s even a little bit wrong (he doesn’t have any allergies or intolerances). Dining with him can be embarrassing and mentally exhausting.
Last night was the last straw for me. The three of us and another couple decided to try a newer restaurant in our city. After being seated, John seemed to be on his best behavior. No complicated cocktail or food order, in fact he got a glass of wine and only made two modifications to his entree. The only negative was that our server seemed to be in the weeds because of how busy the restaurant was but she was pleasant and you could tell she was trying her best to keep us happy which is all that should matter. John got pissed because she wasn’t refilling his water as soon as he finished it, his second glass of wine took a while, and our entrees took about a half hour to get out. All the while he’s talking about how this was going to be reflected on his tip. I was annoyed. And then when our entrees did come out, one of his mods didn’t come out right and he went ballistic on the server, told her how dumb she was, etc. I’ve never seen him get that angry with a server before, usually he’s just passive aggressive. In response, I lost it at him and told him that he was overreacting to such a small slight and that it probably wasn’t her fault. If he had such an issue, then he needed to speak to a manager and not yell at her about it. His meal was fixed soon after and the rest of the night went on smoothly. Of course John left no tip so I doubled mine to make up for it.
In the parking lot, I told him that I would never eat out with him ever again if he was going to continue to act entitled to restaurant workers. I added that he needed to humble himself and not act like he’s above anyone who doesn’t work a white collar job because not all of us were born into money and left without saying goodbye. On the car ride home, DH told me my comments to John were inappropriate and that I was an AH to him because he had every right to be mad. I replied that I had the right to not want to eat with people who behave like he does because it’s exhausting.