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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Additional-Leek-9744 on 2023-09-25 08:02:15.

It was my wife’s birthday recently and she asked me to buy her a counterfeit designer bag. I asked her why because I really didn’t get it. We conversed a little and though she showed signs that she was feeling a little uncomfortable that I was asking her this, I kept the conversation going because I wanted to explain why I was asking her this question instead of saying, sure! I’m not super well off but I make good money and am financially stable.. so spending a few hundred or even a few grand for a designer handbag or a counterfeit for much less was nbd. But I really wanted to rather get her something that has much more intrinsic value, so I wanted to explain my rationale. She ended up getting quite offended that I asked her that question and kept the conversation going. She then told me that this was the worst birthday of her life.

She’s usually not the type to care that much about showing status (she hasn’t even bought new clothing aside from a few tshirts since maybe a year or two ago). She’s also usually the very meticulous type to always evaluate what she wants to spend her money on. She does her research thoroughly and decides if she wants something or not and buys a cheaper alternative if she thinks there is a lot of overhead on certain popular consumer goods. I just wanted to understand why she suddenly felt the need to show status (but not spend the 2k or however much it is for a gucci or dior bag - and hence the ask for a counterfeit) but we now both feel super hurt on her birthday.. AITA?

EDIT: A lot of thoughts usually race in my head. I think the whole counterfeit part triggered most of it, and led to just a lot of questions in my head. But in retrospect I’ve totally fucked up as a partner to just get her what she wants for her birthday. After-all, I did truly want to get something she wanted and she finally answered. The numerous questions that came up in my head dont really matter for shit. Having questions are fine… but I need to frame them better casually maybe at a later time. (I should probably tame my adhd better as well.) I need to find out a way to apologize and make it up to her!