"You just need to focus and you can do it."
Ah yes, my ADHD ass will just magically find this focus thing you speak of instead of the long and brutal process of finding the right combination of meds and therapy. Problem solved. /s
ADHD advice from non-ADHD-havers has always been infuriating.
It's like yelling at a drowning person with no arms to "swim better!"
Seems to be the case for most mental ailments. It's hard for some people to grasp that other people experience life completely differently. It took me a long time and some very patient people to finally teach me that.
When I would have a problem with my body like shoulder impingement and ask for advice, I would often be told by people "nah, you're too young too have that"
I went to my doctor for an infection (i had a swelling in my throat)
My doctor told me to drink water...
I said.. "ok, thanks" and left.
Got a 2nd opinion.
This new doctor actually took a blood sample and gave me antibiotics. I was much better just a few hours later.
And not me directly, but some years ago when my friend and I were both desperately seeking work, and running up against the "you need experience to get a job to gain experience" conundrum. His mentor told him to stop being so precious, and get a boring corporate job with a pension, maybe one that would pay his law school tuition. It wasn't a thing yet, but wow, it would have been the perfect time to reply, "OK, Boomer."
"It is what it is"
No shit, fucknugget. My problem was probably that what it is sucks ass. This isn't even a sentence. Stop saying it to people. Silence is more useful.
To me, it's very zen. it's more about putting the situation in the perspective that you need to handle the situation for what it is and not focus on being upset at the situation or being upset at not having a solution. Not every scenario has an end that works out for you, If you even have any control over it.
I usually hear it said when someone is having difficulty with a problem they have no real control over. Sometimes you just have to let things go and deal with your own emotions on the situation (which nobody else can do for you), or remove yourself from the situation entirely.
I was in a “troubled youth” cult for many years. “Unhelpful advise” is an understatement compared to the heaps of fear-driven doctrines and rituals we had to follow, lest be homeless. I could go on for days about this topic, but the biggest “unhelpful advice” was to cut all of my childhood friends from my life completely, on the basis of “my own good.” I am now a virtual stranger to them, and although I’ve somewhat made amends, nothing will ever make up for our lost years.
"Just stop worrying!" Wow, you just figured out how to fix every anxious person in the world! Good job!
My dad once told me that if my relationship with god was good, my grades would take care of themselves. I know what he meant was, “if you do the things god wants you to do, you’ll also be doing well in school”, but it’s still horrible advice.
More recently, my mother-in-law has been saying to my wife that she wishes that my wife could have faith in god’s plan because it just helps her in own life so much. I always roll my eyes at this. If there is a god, and he has a plan, his plan sucks ass and he plays favorites for sure.
"life is unfair, get used to it" - says the fucking winner of life, Bill Gates
"The status quo is extremely unfair in my favor, get used to it pleb"
Unsolicited medical advice drives me nuts.
Gee. Thanks "doctor" for your advice. Obviously I'm going to listen to you after you watched a three minute YouTube video and not the doctor with six years of medical training and education!
"Do something that you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
Bullshit. I worked in the video game industry in a field I'm very passionate about with great people who were all talented. But the industry burned me out and almost killed my passion for games as a hobby with the endless unpaid overtime, constant crunch and deadlines, fairly low wage and all that investment was rewarded by eventually being let go along with all the less senior staff because our studio was bought out and the parent company told to cut expenses.
Don't work for the video game industry, people. Make indie games by all means. But stay clear of the big names.
"Just be yourself"
That's how I got myself into this mess in the first place idiot
"You need to love yourself, before you can love someone else"
I mean, good advice if it's for someone who's prone to build codependent relationships. Which still, no one but a professional therapist should be diagnosing.
But It's in no way helpful advice to someone who is lonely or otherwise struggling. It's almost along the lines of "why don't you just cheer up".
Helpful advice would be something along the lines "I understand you are struggling, maybe it would be a good idea to check out therapy"
"Just don't be germaphobic"
OH, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!? THAT COULD HAVE SAVED ME YEARS OF THERAPY!!
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~