Uhm, having someone care for you is not a "pathological mother figure".
People need this. Men need this. Asking for care is the most normal thing a person can do.
And then if something is actually wrong, there is a therapist.
Even people who have put the work into therapy need a loving attachment figure. It's healthy to be open and vulnerable when you need it.
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It's a shame there's still so much stigma around therapy.
I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy Alex is on about.
Life’s hard when your husband has a smooth chest 😔
He said a hairy and muscular chest! That chest is smooth!
it's insane how jreg (youtuber) gave me the most solid understanding of relationships that was so obvious that I couldn't believe we didn't understand already, it's a mixture of them all, it's not a partner or a good friend group or parents, it's to be able to have them all, a therapist can be a guiding figure a mentor and another node to release stress learn from mistakes and overall a decent person to be in contact with even if your thoughts were in control and you were in a good state of mind.
What a pleasant surprise among the defensive takes. Thank you for sharing it.
The most problematic situation seems to be when not having access to all of them and trying to push your partner into fulfilling all of these roles. To be your partner, parent and a friend(sometimes a therapist even). Sure it's nice of them if they can, but it shouldn't be their daily responsibility.
This is the best description of the issue I've seen.
We all need a caring person to nurture and restore our energy. This is a fundamental part of loving someone. Your parents do it when you're young but that does not mean you stop needing it.
Both of these posters are toxic in different ways.
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men "fighting battles" in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don't need comfort after their daily battles... and wouldn't that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It's true. As soon as I'm out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
Every woman I've ever dated has expected me to do what they call "being there for them" in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he's hyperbolically referring to as "battles," and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it's just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to "men bad women bad" wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don't talk to people anymore, cats are better.
Women: "I want a guy in touch with his feelings."
Men: "I want a woman I can share my feelings with."
Internet people: "Women aren't your mommy, go see a therapist with your dumb feelings."
Me, too moron to interact with human: "Hello kitty, wanna watch King Of the Hill again? Me too, I'll get the blanket."
Sorry, not sorry. If he begins this with "Men do not need a therapist." (And many men do) And then declare that the women men need be soft and caring while verbally presenting the man as a hero who fights his daily battles... that's just toxic bullshit as fuck.
I'm okay with somebody accepting and wanting traditional gender roles, everyone's got their own taste in potential partners and need to find the person right for them.
But declaring what "men" need and then demanding not only traditional but toxically overblown gender roles for everyone is just... BAH! And the disapproval for therapy, or telling "men" that they don't need therapy, only a mommy, when many of us do indeed need therapy... that's just indicative of the most bullshit incel-alpha-baby-needs-a-mommy mindset.
If you're a guy and in touch with your feelings (like me, for example), yes, lean on your partner if you need to and they are okay with it. If you are an emotional person, be emotional. But don't demand or expect to just be able to vomit your shit on your partner and they being okay with it and then cleaning the corner of your mouth with a tissue... Your partner is not free therapy, do not treat them like somebody providing a service.
Going from "men need intimacy" to "manchild wants a mommy" is toxic masculinity on the second guy's part.
Ooo that's kind of a good point too.
It was definitely dunking for internet points.
The first poster isn't describing two way intimacy though. They are describing a mommy.
They don't say anything about it being one-sided though. Could be worded better, but let's not assume the worst.
All the battles you fought that day? Unless you are on the front line in Ukraine you should be able to find a more chill lifestyle.
Freud would have a field day with this dude.
Indeed, from "nurture energy" to "mother figure" is a leap that warrants analysis. "Muse" would be a much closer semantic association.
Men can't have a desire for comfort and intimacy that isn't criticized and characterised as maternal? Same shit as calling male friendships gay. This is the left wing bully. Better with emotions yet use that as a weapon of coercion, no different than a fist. Both sides are filled with assholes.
As a guy, when I was younger, I jumped from relationship to relationship looking for that exact thing. You know what I got for my trouble? Nothing.
So, during my college years, I spent time by myself, learning how to get by and be okay with surviving without relying on anyone else. It was a farce of course because I was in school, not going to work, but it was close enough.
I got into the workforce and all of the things I forced myself to learn to be independent from literally everyone, was the pivot point where I was able to stabilize my life and start dating.
After a while I knew I didn't want someone who needed me. I wanted someone who 100% could do everything that they needed to do on their own, but wanted me around anyways.
I found what I was looking for. I put a ring on it.
I don't worry when she goes out in her vehicle that she bought with her own money for her own purposes, that she's going to go find someone "better" because neither of us care about what's "better" than whatever else. I don't have to worry that she'll call and say she needs money because x, y, or z. She has her own money she made, that she can spend however she wants.
We split household costs, we enjoy eachother company and we value that we aren't relied on by the other for everything. It goes both ways.
As things have gone, the line between "mine" and "hers" has blurred to the point that, unless it's a high dollar value item, it's just ours. Because bothering to remember who paid for what is a waste of time and effort. Cars, yes, anything else? Probably not.
Reminds me of the book, The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.
No piece is going to fill you just right. Have to learn to roll on your own before you can roll with someone else.
Interesting concept from what you've described.
As I take it, you'll never find someone who perfectly makes you whole, so you have to become whole on your own before you go and find someone to partner with for life.
Men can always care for each other and stop expecting women to do all the work.
Yeah this is something I’ve been trying to walk the talk about.
I joined an adults sports league and have a few friends I call almost daily on rotation (whether they want it or not lol) and I’ve started feeling a lot more fulfilled and less anxious.
Most of those friends expect my calls now, and I get questioned if I can’t make it to a practice or game. It feels good to have your presence desired, whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship. There’s an epidemic of men who think that that void can only be filled with a lover.
"Stop expecting women to do all the work." All the work?
So men should be expected to do the (actual) work and the emotional work?
So what good are women? Baby ovens?
You incels are so weird.
"all the battles he fought that day"
jesus, stop romanticizing having to deal with life dude. guess what, everyone does.
what are the odds that this guy lost his shit at the man vs bear question.
That part got me too. All the battles? Your fucking tps reports are battles? The person at dunkin got your order wrong, is that another battle for the day?
This is that meme where the shriveled up dude says "Stop giving me your toughest battles" and Jesus just replies with something like "you literally just have to put the shopping cart back when you're done"
I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it's dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.
I'm not positive you mean this, but you're implying men shouldn't pay for their intimacy? You think it should be free? Everyone pays, but in healthy relationship the "payment" is emotional intimacy, acts of service, words of affection etc. No one is walking up to a stranger and banging them without giving anything. Heck even in sex alone there's "transactions." During foreplay, I get you a little turned on, you get me a little turned on, I escalate, you escalate.
I mean literal payment, with money.
I wouldn't recommend therapy unless you suffer from a debilitating mental disorder that is responsible for you not being able to participate in life in a meaningful way. Just my opinion.
I completely agree with you. I dunno who this alexnroberto guy is but based on a 2 second search, he comes off as one of those manosphere dudes so I guess we can assume that his comment isn't based on mutual support, but only the woman supporting the man. I disagree with that world view, but if the message stood alone, I don't see the issue in partners leaning on one another instead of going to therapy for every little thing that's wrong in their lives.
Be like going to the dentist to have him brush and floss your teeth for you.
There is also this one uncomfortable truth that the therapy crowd doesn't really want to acknowledge and that is that therapy is a luxury for the rich. Telling someone to go to therapy is actually pretty rude because not everyone can afford to throw thousands at therapy no matter how much or how little they need it.
I speak from experience. Therapy, if you are poor, can do more harm than good.
Not everyone lives in th USA. We have therapy covered by public health for free in my country.
So? Not everyone lives in your country either.
OP is right, many poor people don't have therapy covered and that's a calculus they have to deal with.
You rubbing in your free therapy doesn't help anyone in countries that aren't yours.
Almost all people have some need (depending on the definition) for physical intimacy. Not just men.
That said, people saying men need a therapist aren't saying a therapist would help men and a therapist would authentically be in their best self interest (unless you are extremely patronizing). They're saying a therapist would fix them, because men need fixing. Its not out of some genuine desire to make men happier.
What we really need to say is men need re-education. Because it is primarily men that are fucking up the world.
Maybe liberals need to take a pro suicide stance on men? Starting in school ideally to make it easy. Because of we are inherently bad what other choice is there when you are not welcome in any liberal group? This is kind of sarcasm. But I really am out of ideas. When rhe left won't see you as any different then musknor tate regardless of their views then there is no hope.
I'm not a liberal. I'm also a man myself. I know you were just being a bit of an antagonistic shitposter, but I would not advocate for suicide obviously. But I've already proposed a fairly radical solution of just having fewer male babies in the first place, though as a solution to a different problem: men are romantically lonely, women are not romantically lonely.
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