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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by blueskiesoc@lemmy.world to c/adhd@lemmy.world

Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian

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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system...which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,

It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.

Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

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[-] Lemmylefty@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

I have habits! …sometimes.

No but seriously, I get into what I call “ruts”, be they good or bad, where I’m doing (or not doing something) routinely…for a few days, weeks, even months, and then it all comes crashing down.

It’s like my autistic side is wrestling with my ADHD side: I WANT and NEED things to be the same, but I can’t maintain it, so I just flip flop between what is and isn’t “normal” in the moment, which makes switching back hard.

[-] Wander@yiffit.net 7 points 1 year ago

Huh... I definitely have to think about stuff, including habits.

[-] TheRealGChu@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

As an autistic person, habits are integral to my existence. I hate it when my schedule gets crazy, unless I very specifically plan for it. However, my husband who has ADHD, the above seems true. As a simple example: I always leave my stuff like keys, lunchbox, and headphones in the exact same spot when I get home from work. On the other hand, I spent 10 minutes this morning trying to find where my husband put the potato chips that I was planning on taking for lunch. Instead of being in the kitchen, they were in the living room(??!!) cos he moved them there to "get them out of the way."

I'm very structured in the way I work; he needs to be constantly redirected to stay on task. I have boundless attention to fiddly, very specific high-attention things (I do a lot of fiber crafts such as knitting and crocheting lace) for HOURS, to quote Neal Stephenson, "I have attention surplus disorder." He can't work on anything longer than 15 minutes.

It used to drive me crazy, but now I've realized that's just how his brain works, and we just work around it. On the other hand, he keeps makes me take breaks and pace myself (which I don't usually do), and I help him be more efficient. It's a pretty good system.

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[-] Pokethat@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

They should do what I do and get so stressed with other stuff that I hyperfocused on doing my taxed one night at 1AM while anxiously procrastinating something else

[-] raspberry_confetti@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Wait whoa wait hold the fuck UP just one damn minute... You mean to tell me that's not what a habit feels like? What in the FUCK!?

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[-] netwren@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Dude we need some legit study or science on this because if so this blows my brain. I'm a huge proponent of Seinfeld chains, and books on habit science, improving yourself. I have several apps but I'M CONSTANTLY struggling to do these systems. Like it feels impossible.

I have quit nail biting, I've done a month of meditation. I can concentrate intently on one thing for a period of time but then I context switch and because I'm not actively everyday using a checklist to remember what I have to do I don't do it.

I have cavities right now because I focused on something else I needed to do regularly and let my teeth go.

My friends and family make fun of me for constantly changing interests and habits and that I can't stick with one thing. Maybe!!! They aren't the same way because it's EASIER for them to be in automatic mode to do the same thing.

This is really mind fucking me right now.

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[-] persolb@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

I think there might be an axis here that is different than ADHD.

I certainly don’t have ADHD, but I don’t have any habits (outside of muscle memory, walking, breathing, etc) that works the way OP describes.

I brush my teeth because I think I should. A ‘habit to me’ is just that ‘situation X reminds me to do thing Y’.

[-] YourHuckleberry@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I get routines that, once I get started, it's hard to stop.

For instance, take a shower, brush teeth, go to bed.

If I get really dirty and have to take a shower at noon, I have to actively remind myself NOT to brush my teeth and yes, even not to get into pajamas.

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[-] RagingNerdoholic@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago

Are these traits of aspergers, too? Asking for ... reasons.

[-] transientpunk@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago

Autism, BPD, and ADHD all have overlapping symptoms. These traits, executive dysfunction, are definitely common between autism and ADHD.

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[-] aidan@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

No, xd, nobody just exercises without initiating it. The point of making exercise as a habit is that if you have this momentum then you might feel a slight obligation to do it and be more familiar with it so it's not intimidating.

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this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2023
608 points (88.0% liked)

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