I am M41 and have a son who is M6. I have posted before about how he is quite sensitive and cries a lot.

Whenever he cries, he will ask for TV to calm him down. I am wondering whether it is wise to give him TV. I worry lest he learn that the way to handle unpleasant emotions is to distract yourself from them with (relatively mindless) entertainment. That doesn't sound like a great emotion management habit... but on the other hand, it might be good enough at his age.

For example, today there was a miscommunication with a friend's family. He thought his friend was giving him some toys, which was apparently not what the other kid meant. When my little guy was told that he could not take the toys home, he cried for a while, and it took TV to calm him down.

I would like advice. Is it fine to give him TV when he cries? And what alternatives can you suggest?

Thanks in advance!

I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:

• He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying "we also do it" does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
• One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: "I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you." He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
• He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.

Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.

When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.

All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?

Thanks in advance!

I am M41 and have a 5-year-old son.

Recently I asked in another parenting forum: "At what age can I teach a child to speak nicely even when in a bad mood?"

A couple of people told me that it is important to model emotion handling so that the child can see how the parent handles difficult emotions. This makes me ponder: How do I do this in a visible manner? How can my son tell the difference between "Dad acts calm while experiencing a difficult emotion" and "Dad acts calm while experiencing no emotions"?

I strongly suspect that the distiction is not easily visible. I have done Buddhist-inspired self-improvement practices these last 3 years, and in my own opinion my emotion regulation has improved vastly. But my wife does not seem to notice or appreciate this; it appears that she mostly only sees those rare occasions where I lose my temper and not the many occasions where I remain calm in spite of emotions. If my emotion handling is invisible to her, how can I expect the little guy to pick up on it and learn to emulate it?