Just rewrite it with 80% functionality and force migrations on the users. Once the remaining 20% "edge cases" that require serious effort hop to the next job - where you where hired to "maintain" such a system and "just add a small feature here and there". Ooops.

An American air-to-air missile modified for naval use, deployed on a land based Warsaw Pact launcher. Now that's something!

This is getting out of hand!

So, basically this?

Better yet: Fuck'em without breaking the contract.

How much energy can it cost to replicate one coffee?

-- Janeway, probably

And why is he assembling/dressing a dalek?

I don’t want to build car hell yet again

this, so much

Instead I'd probably take multiple measurements some hundred milliseconds apart and do a basic statistical analysis (average as "main result", but also lowest percentile, highest percentile and median). That way I don't feel dirty for tricking the customer.

STDs

Those Klingon look more like ST:D/s to me

Tbh it’s just microsoft java

Microsoft made so many javas (remember Visual J++ or J#?), C# is the only one that survived. Well, Microsoft now also ships OpenJDK, apparently.

4-5 times now. When confronted with more than a hundred commits between latest known working version and the one you've observed the bug (which was not catched by any of the unit tests) it can save some time to find the fishy commit.

In such a case I create a testcase on top to reproduce the bug. Then bisect and for each stage add the testcase, build, run tests. FYI: this only works if all (or at least most) of the commits in the chain are compilable - if you've done a big messy refactoring with several commits breaking the build, bisect can get you only so far.