Or, and hear me out, just the REAL magic words that replace the driver’s license and get you that sweet secret government trust fund bullion. I’ll take that worthless paper stuff upfront.

*Note: Some United flights may now divert underground to give The Boring Company more tax breaks

They dump fuel so they can safely land due to weight, as you guessed. In this case it was a cross-country trip, so the plane had a fair amount of fuel that needed to be offloaded.

I had a layover in Midway at maybe 7:30am once. Everyone — and I mean everyone — was drinking. Like, are you going to get the shakes between security and boarding?

I loved Stop Making Sense

Unless your truck has an 8-foot bed for work, which would actually be longer than the front portion seating a family and therefore useful, it’s a silly waste of money. The point of a truck is hauling things, not people.

Ban the crew cab and force the trucks to be used as trucks, not minivan/SUV substitutes. Suddenly a $60k+ pavement princess used for hauling a recliner once a year isn’t as appealing.

That’s some JPay shit

Estée Lauder’s “cut to the chaise”

I believe he’s actually playing putt-putt golf, the one with the windmills.

Tonight, on Saying That Last Little Bit that John Oliver Can’t Say…

Swivel the ipad 360° and walk away