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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SociallyAwkwardAITA on 2023-09-30 20:39:32.

I (25F) live in a new fairly upscale apartment so all the apartments are not filled yet. I have a dog who I take out for walks and thus sometimes interact with my neighbors.

My neighbor who's name is Becca, I've talked to several times while taking my dog out but otherwise we don't really have a relationship. Becca has a daughter who was really shy so I didn't press her on her name or anything(so we'll call her Sara.) and I've only seen her about half the time I've seen Becca.

Anyway yesterday Becca came to my door and asked if I could watch Sara for the day since she had to go to a meeting in a main town about 2 hours away. I said no. She asked why so I told her I have ADD and I would be too focused on my work. She tried to convince me by saying her daughter would be quiet and just watch TV all day.

Sidenote the real reason I didn't want to watch the kid is that I am an awkward person around adults and I'm especially an awkward person around kids because neither of us can read social cues. I also have some shitty childhood parentification trauma so I'm really not a kid person. Lastly I plot out everything I'm going to that day before I get out of bed and the kid would mess that up and while I can deal with that. It ruins my whole day.

I still said no and closed the door and went to work. About an hour later I went to walk my dog and Sara is sitting outside my door. She says her Mom said I would take care of her today.

I'm not totally heartless and i do actually like kids, im just awkward around them. So I let her in my apartment and told her after she washed her hands (I could see some sort of residue on them) she could go sit on my couch.

While I was walking my dog I called the non-emergency line and told them that my neighbor abandoned her kid at my apartment. My city is woefully underfunded for police so they said it would be awhile before they sent an officer out since she was currently fine.

I went back to my apartment and info-dumped about dogs to a seven(?) Year old for like an hour and then we made cookies before the cops arrived and took my statement and hers and told her it wasn't her fault and all that jazz. Anyway they made some calls and as it turns out Becca has two Moms so they were gonna take her to the other one.

Becca that night came and banged on my door till I opened and then proceeded to yell at me. I'm pretty used to older women yelling at me so I just blocked myself out of it and said okay at the right times in a very neutral tone until one of the aparment guys saw what was happening and got her to back off.

Now I'm wondering if social rules dictated me to take care of her even though I said no; making me the AH in this situation for calling the police? Someone else taped a note to my door criticizing me for breaking up a family and ruining the Moms life and calling me a horrible person.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Effective-Bug-2443 on 2023-09-30 20:37:37.

I (F24) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We had planned to move in together once we both had jobs ( we were studying before this). He got a job around two months back.

My family is very traditional. They had issues with us moving in together before marriage. But we wanted to live together a few years before getting married. Only compromise we could reach was to have a engagement and party in lieu of wedding. We found a apartment and they wanted us to move in quickly and engagement was also hence expediated. My party is planned for next week, everything is booked. I am a only child and my parents are extremely scared of dying without seeing my weding, so this party is important to them and will be huge.

My cousin had her wedding planned for a long time. We were waiting for her brother, who works abroad to get leave to decide a date. He informed a week ago that he will be coming in 10 days and will have 30 day leave.

Problem is it is hard to find a good venue and make all arrangements within these few days. She asked if I could give her my party to hold her wedding. She / her parents will pay for it.

I said no. I planned every aspect of thia party tailored to my visions. Its going to be huge. If I hand it over, I can't plan something like this without it seeming like a copy. And then it won't be the same. Also, our apartment lease starts tomorrow. Longer we push it, longer we are wasting money. In addition to all this, I don't want to wait any longer.

She got mad at me for refusing saying a wedding is more important than a engagement party. That I am younger than her and can wait longer for a party.

I said this is important to my family. I am sorry she don't have much time to plan a wedding but I don't want to sacrifice my day.

Her parents asked mine and they said the same. Sorry but no.

Now her entire family is mad at me saying my party is going go overshadow hers and I am a selfish cold hearted person.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/princessweddingaita on 2023-09-30 20:23:56.

So I (24F) am friends with Holly (28F) who is getting married next summer. Holly has always been a Disney girlie, and I wasn’t surprised when she told me and the other bridesmaids she wanted us to dress as Disney princesses. Holly is going to wear a huge, glittery, glammed up ballgown, and we’ll be in dresses that are more of a modern take on the princess’s dresses, but there will be text on the invite stating which bridesmaid is which princess and which groom is which prince.

There are five of us, and she wants us each in a different color, so she has chosen Ariel (pink), Cinderella (blue), Belle (yellow), Rapunzel (purple), and Tiana (green). She picked who would be who for us, and told me that she wants me as Tiana since I have black hair. The problem is, I’m white. The entire bridal party is white. You can see why I’m not feeling this choice.

I brought it up privately with Holly and tried to suggest alternatives for green (Merida from Brave or Anna from Frozen) but she shot them down (Merida’s dress is “actually blue” + she has no prince, and she doesn’t like Frozen). I told Holly that I will not be Tiana for her wedding and that I’m stepping down unless she accepts one of the alternatives or provides another. She called me a b**ch and a terrible friend and said nobody is going to care. I told her that I care, and I’m not doing it.

I’ve gotten some Facebook messages from some of her family/friends asking why I’m being so difficult and why I’m trying to ruin Holly’s wedding, and even a couple of the bridesmaids have told me to just “suck it up” because I’m throwing Holly’s plan out of whack. I’m standing my ground on this, but the pushback kind of has me wondering if I’m making something out of nothing. Am I the asshole?

Edit: Bride only asked me to get a tan. Nowhere did I comment saying she asked everyone. Even if I had done so and deleted the comment, someone in this thread would still be able to find it, or at least the [deleted] marker in one of the comment threads. ✌️

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Loud-Bee6673 on 2023-09-30 20:14:40.

My (50 F) local airport, which also happens to be a major international airport, is usually pretty good with the security line. Even high travel weekends the line doesn’t take more than 30 or 40 minutes.

Until today.

I ended up being ready 20 minutes early so I decided to go ahead and leave so I had extra time. It was a fortuitous decision because the security line took 90 minutes. I don’t think it was that long for everyone, but my line kept getting bounced around with other lines waved in front of us, multiple times. I started getting anxious about missing my flight.

So then this 20s F can pushing through the line saying, “I need to get through, I am going to miss my flight!” The group of people around me and I and all stopped her. A couple of the others said “we are going to miss our flight!” and “everyone is in the same situation.” My comment was, “we have all be waiting over an hour.” Not in a mean way, but I was firm.

So she stood behind us, having already skipped a good 30-40 minutes already, and sobbed on the phone to somebody about how mean we were and we were such AHs for not letting her skip ahead.

I do feel bad, missing a flight is really stressful and it is frustrating to be help up by things you can’t control. At the same time, I feel like letting one person through would lead to everyone else thing they should get to skip too. Plus, I do feel like a part of airport travel is making sure you get there in time for contingencies.

So AITA for not allowing a person to cut in front of us in the airport security line, when we were all in danger of missing our flights?

(And yes, I know ITA for not getting my TSA clear check. I have been meaning to and definitely will before I travel again.)

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Orychalcos on 2023-09-30 20:09:42.

I (31F) regularly travel by bus to see my fiancé, who lives in France, until we settle down together next year. The problem is that I have a few psychological disorders that can complicate things (including Schizophrenia, Tourette's and social phobias, including a phobia of babies). So I never travel without my medication, a headset that insulates me from ambient noise, and... a little stuffed animal. A little fox that helps me stay calm and manage my various crisis.

Today, was the day I'm going home with an 8-hour bus journey from Paris to Belgium ahead of me.I have everything I need. "No big deal, I can do it." I thought. The problem for me is the presence of a toddler with her mother. A child's screams and cries are very hard for me to bear, but I understand that for a baby, it's a long time in her seat with nothing to do. So I just turn the volume up a little, being three rows behind the mother and her daughter, who is getting more and more agitated and is now screaming. From what I understand, her diaper was full and her mother couldn't change it (even though the driver has assured her that if need be, he'll stop at the nearest freeway service area to allow the mother to give her daughter the necessary care). Now comes the moment when I can potentially be AH.

Remember the fox stuffed animal? (Her name is Bidouille, by the way). I take it with me to the bus toilet, keep her in my t-shirt, and then put her on my belt until I'm back at my seat. The little girl starts screaming, screaming as if something had been broken, and honestly, even I, who is afraid of children, began to wonder. I take Bidouille back, look out of the window... and the little girl's mother comes up to me and takes Bidouille out of my hands, saying "Say, can I have her? The kid's got a crush on it and is having a fit."

I? What? No? I answer the mother politely, and asked her if she'd be willing to give up her child's stuffed toy to calm someone else's tantrum, or even tears. She says, "No, of course not. But she wants it and she's not going to stop crying until she gets it. It's okay, you can buy another one."

I reach for Bidouille, she clenches her fingers on it, I hear a creak and fear it's damaged. Rising in anger and anxiety, I get up from my seat, telling her that if she wasn't capable of handling an 8-hour journey with her toddler on a bus, she should think again, reminding her of what the driver had said. So I took my plushie back, telling her that she just had to organize herself better and not think that as soon as her daughter points at something while crying, she's going to get it, especially if it belongs to someone. Even more so if it belongs to someone with mental disorders.

She called me a racist and a "effing" Goth, and went back to her seat.

So... AITA?

I apologize in advance for any spelling mistakes. English is not my first language, French is. ><

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pettingzoothrowaway on 2023-09-30 19:44:30.

i (f30) am biracial. my mum is afro-jamaican and my dad is irish/ashkenazi jewish so my hair is extremely curly and i have a lot of it. i usually wear it braided to manage the heat and humidity but tomorrow is wash day so it’s currently loose. i had to pop over to the grocery store for a dinner party but the closest store was out of what i needed so i had to go to the (predominantly white) suburbs. on my way out, i feel something tugging in my head so i whip around.

there’s an older white woman, maybe mid to late 60s, withdrawing her hand. she says, “i just wanted to see how soft it is.” today was just not a particularly good day so i did yell at her. “is there a fucking petting zoo sign pinned to my back?” she immediately started stuttering and trying to explain herself, insisting that she didn’t mean any harm. i responded by asking, “if you wouldn’t pet a dog without asking first, what makes you think it’s normal to stick your filthy hands in a stranger’s hair?” she started crying and other people started coming over to see what the problem was so i just left.

i told the story to my husband (white, m42) and my parents (f57 and m67). my mom is on my side but my dad and husband are saying that i could have been more understanding to this woman so now i’m asking reddit.

edited to correct my mum’s age.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Used-Degree1860 on 2023-09-30 18:24:26.

We have a nanny who comes to look after my little ones (age 2 and 4) three times a week. She arrives in the morning when I leave for work (8am) and leaves when me or my husband gets home (5-6pm). She's been quite good with the kids which is fine, but the only problem is she's making herself at home too much in my opinion.

The first problem is that she'll randomly leave things at our place overnight, such as a coat or a car seat or something like that. She'll also sometimes put small bits of food in our fridge and leave it there overnight when she's coming the next day.

But what irks me the most is the dogs. She has two dogs, one is a chocolate labrador and the other is a great dane. I really don't like dogs, originally I said she couldn't bring them with her when she asked. One day she "had to" bring them because her garden was being landscaped, so I let her, but told her to keep them outside. Well, since then she's just kept bringing them. I didn't say anything since it wasn't really that big of a deal and not worth the hassle.

Incrementally she's letting them get away with more and more. She first was tying them up to the fence, then she started letting them run free in the yard. Then one time it was raining and she called me asking if it was ok for them to come in the house for a bit and just stay in the kitchen. And now they're just let free reign.

It's in terms of the dogs that I'm really feeling she's just making herself too much at home. I'll find random chewed up tennis balls in the yard, and she's set up a couple of metal bowls near the back door. The other day I found a bag of dog treats in the pantry that I'm assuming are hers. Probably the worst of all is that she obviously takes them out to do their business (I don't even want to think about all the dog doo-doo that would be in my yard) and bags the poop. But then she leaves the poop by the front door next to her handbag and dog leashes. So I normally come home to a few of these bright green bags of her dog doo-doo at my front door. It's just so gross.

I want to say something to her, but my husband is telling me not to. He's saying that we need her to look after the kids, and that it'd come across as offensive to tell her that. He said its just minor things and to not really worry about it, we only need her until the kids are school age anyway. He's quite serious and we've been arguing over it quite a bit.

WIBTA for telling her to stop making herself so much at home? I feel like she's just done it bit-by-bit so we didn't really notice, but looking back she's basically starting to slot into the household.

Edit: should be WIBTA instead of AITA

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/a_ho1234 on 2023-09-30 18:00:11.

I (F29) have my own apartment and live alone. I have a lock on my door that has a code to unlock it. My family has watched my pets previously and I created a new code for them to use. I didn't delete it as I didn't see the reason, but after this it's gone.

Today I was home just relaxing in my bed. I was watching series on my computer with noise cancelling headphones in.

Suddenly I see someone in my side vision and screamed. My sister (F26) is standing in my doorway in to my bedroom. I was so sure someone broke in to my apartment and I almost started crying in panic.

She had just put the code in and walked though my apartment just to ask if she could barrow an A4 paper.

In my fit of panic and rage I screamed for her to leave my apartment and never ever do that again. I said she could have texted or called before, and when/if she knocks on the door and no one answers, she is never allowed to just walk in.

My sister lives down the street, and when she got home, she called our mum and she berated me for screaming at my sister and not giving her an A4 sheet. I disagree since it's common sense to not just walk in to people's apartments when they don't know.

So AITA for screaming at my sister and not giving her the A4 paper?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kitchen-Cook7066 on 2023-09-30 17:17:15.

Edit: some asked for more stories, I made a post explaining more. Just click on my user name and you will see it

I have a child in second grade. The rules of the school is that if you hand out invites on school grounds everyone needs to be invited. So I instead sent the invites in the mail to basically the whole class but one kid.

The reason is the mother and father are a nightmare. Their son is fine, but their parents are awful. I could go on for a while but a few examples. The mom has chased a kid until she was crying since she grabbed a toy. The father is know to get it to fights if anyone has a different opinion. Mom will freak if you don’t do stuff their way and they refuse to leave even if no other parent is there. The mom tried to stay over a their kids sleepover and freaked when the person hosting was confused.

They are a nightmare and not really friend with my kid so no invited. They found out and were pissed. The other parents are also mad that I excluded a kid and now some are not going to the party. They have told me I am a jerk.

Am I? Should I just send an invite and deal with the parents.

Update: I sent a text to the mother. Her kid is invited if she does drop off like all the other parents and she and her husband can not cause issue like what happens other times. I made it clear why not getting an invite is due to there previous behavior

Never mind, they are uninvited again after she responded by calling me a cunt and my daughter a bitch. I’m sending this in the school chat that people have been bothering me on and explaining why this is the type of behavior I don’t want to be near.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/otaway23 on 2023-09-30 17:03:05.

My mom’s a deadbeat. She had an affair with some dude, got pregnant and left. What made it even worse was that her affair baby was a boy and I’m a girl. She never wanted a girl. While she wasn’t a terrible mom to me when she was around, I’m not surprised she left the second she found out she was having a boy.

Anyways, this baby is 18 now. “Max” and I never knew each other. I saw him as a baby a couple times but my mom stopped trying to see me after a while so I knew nothing about him.

Well, my mom contacted me out of the blue the other day saying that Max is gone. Like he left and she can’t reach him. I was concerned for a bit but then I realized he requested me on instagram some time before so I checked his social media and he had very recent activity (I’m talking like posted 10 mins ago) and he seemed fine. If I had to guess I’d say he’s with a friend atm as he’s always posting on his story with his friend.

I told her that he’s probably fine but she wouldn’t let it go and showed up at my dad’s house. My dad’s really unwell and his wife is visiting her family so he called me to help him out and when I got there my mom was in tears saying that Max has mental illnesses and PTSD, OCD, bipolar whatever. Apparently he doesn’t take his meds either.

Maybe I’m just a horrible person but idk why she thinks any of that is our concern and secondly I just don’t believe her. I know it’s highly ignorant to say that Max doesn’t seem to be mentally ill to the extent she’s claiming and I know its even worse to assume he’s fine based on social media.

But I just can’t believe her. She has a history of lying to me to get pity/sympathy too.

Anyways, she started yelling at my dad and called him horrible things just because he told her that she should be asking Max’s father for help so obviously I cut in and told her that if she didn’t leave I’d call the police. She called me heartless and begged me to believe her but I sort of brushed her off and said that she’s literally the last person I’d trust and I’m not surprised Max ran off. She called me terrible, started crying even more and said she’d send me proof (I’ve yet to see this proof btw).

I don’t really feel bad but it’s weird seeing my mom so upset. She’s usually very put together which makes me wonder if she’s telling the truth but regardless I don’t really care. But AITA for how I behaved? Especially my comment about Max running off.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ris3rr1 on 2023-09-30 16:01:44.

(reposting cause post was removed as I didn't know I had to reply the bot)

My fiancee and I collected the keys to our new house yesterday and without even asking, her mom just texted her that she will be meeting us at our new place and will come along when we open our house for the first time.

Under normal circumstances, I would usually be okay with it, however, due to some history with her mother, I wanted to set boundaries with her mother and thus told my fiancee that I'm not going to allow her to follow us today as I felt this was our moment. I told my fiancee she could tell her mom that we will bring her over the weekends instead. While my fiancee agreed and told her mom that, her mom was insistent on following. My fiancee broke down and cried as she felt caught between the both of us.

The reason why I refused to allow her mother to come along was because she has a tendency of being controlling and overstepping our boundaries. For example, when I met with her to ask for her blessings to propose to my fiancee last year, she outright told me that she expects me to follow all her traditions and told me she hates my religion (I'm Christian) and I'm not allowed to have a church wedding. Even during the actual proposal last year, her mother actually ruined my proposal plan which I've shared with her. As my actual plan was ruined, I had to come up with an impromptu proposal at another location which her mother didn't follow. However, when my fiancee happily showed the ring to her mom, her mom got angry and said "why didn't you do it in front of me". That ended up ruining our happy mood and my fiancee became disappointed due to her mom's reaction.

These are just some examples of how her mother tends to overstep our boundaries and how she likes to make my fiancee and I significant events all about her. It felt this way when she forcefully tried to come along with us on our first day of seeing our house. However, I couldn't bear seeing my fiancee cry and I felt like the villain of the story for making things difficult for her. Therefore, I decided to compromise and allow her mother to follow.

However, what I feared came true. At our new house, her mother started doing her traditions and rituals to bless the house without consulting me. (my fiancee doesn't exactly follow her mother's beliefs). And she even started commenting how we need to follow the fengshui layout and stuff. I respectfully told her that we won't be following it as we do not practice it.

I regretted letting her mother come along but I didn't want my fiancee to be caught in between as well. WITA for initially refusing her mother from following or WITA for giving in? I'm at a lost here and would like to hear your views.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DrbnPlnnr on 2023-09-30 15:58:02.

My 11 year old daughter had a sleepover at a friend's house. She was told by my wife that she would have to be home early for the practice.

She was home at 8:15 and dawdled getting ready for 30 minutes.

We were late. I told her there would be consequences like no sleepovers before early morning events. (This is an ongoing problem with her being on time.)

My daughter accused me of being unfair and mean for forcing her to go to practice.

Am I the asshole for expecting her to attend a volleyball practice when she's tired from a sleepover?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Immediate_Law132 on 2023-09-30 15:29:55.

I live at home and pay rent. I graduated from university and I have a good job and I don't mind contributing to my household. It is a nicer neighborhood than I could afford to live in otherwise and it is close to a bus route that takes me right to work.

I keep all of my belongings in my room including my computer, my television, and my gaming consoles.

My parents often host family and friends who have children that are bored because my parents really have nothing for kids since all of my older siblings and myself got old.

I thought I was being nice when I bought an old Switch and hooked it up in the family room and added it to my account. That way kids can play Mario or Zelda and my stuff gets left alone.

Recently my aunt came over with my young cousins. They played for a while but got bored and wanted to see what other games I had. I said my room was off limits and my mom and aunt immediately tried to get me to let them in.

I said no problem but make sure you don't eat any of my candy or gummies they see in my room because they are all weed edibles.

Nope. My aunt almost put her kids behind her like she was protecting them from the devil. My mom said that I could clean up my room and put them somewhere safe. I reminded her that we agreed that if I was paying rent I got privacy in my room.

My dad agreed with me and he got a locking door handle from the garage and installed it while my mom fumed. (He has EVERYTHING in that garage).

My mom said that I'm being rude by not sharing my stuff with guests. I asked my aunt if I could borrow her car to go out with some friends and she immediately said no. I said it was rude not to share and she called me a smartass.

I went to my room and put on my noise cancelling headphones and played Diablo and had a couple of gummies from my stash in the back of my closet where I keep them.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway69247etc on 2023-09-30 14:22:44.

This sounds absurd, but here goes. My brother, SIL and their two kid don't live nearby but come for a visit every now and then. Usually, they stay at my mother's place. Since they were visiting, my mother invited us and my uncle and his wife over. I'm always the one who brings cake, because I love baking (my late grandmother - my uncles and mother's mother - taught me) and I inherited the recipe for my late grandmother's famous and loved apple pie. This time, I decided to bring exactly this earlier mentioned pie, plus a smaller one for me, since I can't eat gluten. Meaning, I baked two cakes. I've got a 5 month old baby at home, plus a toddler who likes to "help" with baking, which made the whole thing somewhat stressful. To reduce the stress a little bit, I decided to alter the apple pie a little bit. For this cake I need two different types of dough, one is used on top to create some kind of decorative layer in which I usually put a lot of effort. This time, I decided to just put some crumble dough on top because it's quick and easily made. The taste should stay the same. Another thing I want to mention is, that my relatives love to complain! There is never a "thank you for taking the time to bake some cake for us" but always some kind of "well, this cake is a little dry this time" or "why did you bring this cake and not xyz cake, because I don't like this one"... Etc

We went to my mother's and brought the two cakes. As we were sitting down to eat it, my uncle took a piece of the apple pie, looked at it and went "this is not how this cake is supposed to be. This won't taste good. You should've made it how it's supposed to be! I don't like this!" and started eating. Don't ask me why, but this time I was just fed up with always hearing complaints but never a thank you. I got up, took his plate and told him" if you don't like it, don't eat it. Instead of complaining, you should be happy I took the time to make some! ". I brought his plate into the kitchen and refused to give it back or let him have another slice. This created an awkward mood for a while, but I wasn't willing to back down. Afterwards my mother texted me and told me that my behavior wasn't okay and that I embarrassed her as the hostess and that I should just take the complaints and criticism without a word.

Taking away my uncles plate and not giving it back might have been childish, but AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Redditwanderer53 on 2023-09-30 14:07:44.

For some reason I (33F) am struggling to let go of a misunderstanding between the nurse, my partner (36M) and me that occurred literally as he was being taken to surgery.

For context this was a planned surgery to remove some hardware from a previous injury. Obviously I wanted to be there for him so I took the day off so I could take him to hospital. Any kind of surgery is a big deal and he has every right to be worried. As his partner and someone who loves him very much, naturally I was worried too but I didn't talk about so as not to add to his anxiety.

Anyway, we got to the hospital in plenty of time. We're waiting at the theatre submission room where we were told go, the nurse comes out and says my partners name the next thing I know he's stood up. She said something to me about going to the end of the corridor, just to note I am hard of hearing and use hearing aids. I started to panic a bit because they were taking him away and I didn't understand what the nurse was saying as she had a strong accent and I could not hear her well. So I asked where am I supposed to go? She said I can wait at then end of the corridor or go home and someone will call me when he's done. I said but you don't have my number? At that point my partner told me off I can't remember exactly what he said but he thinks I was rude to the nurse. I can be blunt but I had absolutely no intention of being rude, I have to upmost respect for anyone who works in the hospital. he said I was acting like they're idiots and they don't know what they're doing. In hindsight, of course he can give them my number, I was just panicking and the whole interaction lasted no more than a minute, and then he was gone, he gave me stern peck and walk off clearly annoyed. He then whatsapped me saying 'U were very rude!', that's the last interaction we had until 3 hours later when the wheeled him back at to the ward at which point he shouted 'who let you in here?' and said to the nurses I'm a tyrant and then asked me why I came back. That bit I'm fine with because he'd just had anaesthetic and I know it makes people weird.

AITA for being upset about feeling misunderstood, I don't know why I'm struggling to let this go. My partner says I'm forgiven but insists I was out of order and if I bring it up he gets extremely angry, says I'm insane for wanting to go over it again and most recently that I make him sick. I just want to feel like he gets why I was thinking that way, I think it comes down to there being many other situations where my feelings are not validated but he's the one that's just surgery, I do feel like I must be the areshole for even letting this bother me at all.

Just to note I did apologise to the nurse as well because he said I was rude and I have been taking great care of him. I don't feel like its resolved but I definitely do not want to bring it up ever again either so just need to let it go.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Illustrious-Worth126 on 2023-09-30 14:05:18.

We came from a middle-low class family. Since I was a kid, I broke my a** to success in life, I graduated from University, have a good job, had a lot of side-bussiness and I could buy my own house. On the other hand, my Sister did nothing with her life, she dropped high school at 16 and finished it when she was 26, never wanted to work, she always asked my parents for money, never wanted to study something.

The situation: I have my own house and at the end of 2022, I decided to move (not definitely) with my gf (3 years of relationship) to another State. I have a car so I thought to use this house maybe some weekends to see my family, friends, etc.

A few months ago, my Sister got a job at McDonalds and talked to me asking if I could rent her my house for cheap for 10 months with his boyfriend and then they will leave because both had the plan to move to another country. Like I'm paying a rent in other state and had my house empty I thought it was a good idea to have an extra income. I accepted it and I charged her a very low rental, maybe 30% of the real price because she had a pretty bad job and salary.

The problem: Few days ago she told me she got pregnant and decided to have the baby with his bf. About the plan of moving to another country, they decided to cancel it and to stay here.

I asked her about her future plans and she said me that they want to stay here in my house because she doesn't have a place to go because she had to quit her job, her boyfriend doesn't have enough money to pay another rent in the city, she doesn't want to move to my parent's house, and didn't want to move to another cheaper area outside the city neither because "she likes my house and doesn't want to live outside the city"

I told her that the first plan was that she will be here for 10 months and then leave because I need to rent my house through Airbnb to get more money to pay my rent in the other state because is very expensive and she actually pay me like 30% of the real price (And I want to expend some weekends in my house too). I asked her to pay me the full price of the rent but she refused because "She is not rich like me" and she will pay me "what they can according to their salaries and no more than the actual 30%"

Then she said me that I'm an AH for not thinking about her, that I have lot of money than her, that I'm f***ing rich and I dont need the extra money renting the house and she "deserves" a place to rise her baby and she won't be leaving my own house.

I told her that if she decided to have a baby, that's not my problem and she should thought about it before getting pregnant and I want her to leave after the 10 months we agreed in the first time. She still have 4 months more until the 10 months are completed and then she must leave, so she has enough time to look for another place.

AITA??

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ZealousidealTea5062 on 2023-09-30 06:22:56.

My husband (M25) and I (F25) have a six-week-old daughter. She's our first baby and the first grandchild in both of our families. We were advised by our pediatrician to not allow anyone besides ourselves to kiss our baby for the first 8-12 weeks minimum. This has been communicated to both of our families who have been respectful of this (as well as our other boundaries/rules) despite a little bit of grumbling about it from his side.

Last weekend we were over at my in-laws house and I had just finished breastfeeding my daughter, so she was all sleepy. I kissed her forehead before settling her to nap on my chest.

My MIL noticed and immediately remarked on it in a super passive-aggressive manner: "Oh, I'm so glad that we're able to kiss [baby] now! Did your pediatrician update the rules?"

I was super confused and asked her what she meant and that the pediatrician's recommendation hadn't changed. She then accused me of violating the rules by kissing my own baby. I told her that the recommendation was that no one besides myself and my husband kiss our daughter, and she argued and heavily implied that I was being dishonest because I'd previously said "nobody can kiss the baby" rather than "nobody but husband and I can kiss the baby."

She went on and on about this until I snapped that it should've been obvious that the rules we told her regarding our baby were about what we would/wouldn't allow OTHER PEOPLE people to do. She called me a hypocrite so I got up and shut myself in the guest room while my daughter continued to nap on me.

A little while later MIL came in and "apologized," claiming it was a kneejerk reaction and she was just confused and upset. She said she understands now that the rule only applies to other people. She then asked me if I would avoid kissing my baby in front of her until she's allowed to do so as well, because it's upsetting to see me doing that and knowing that she can't.

I told her I can understand that it's frustrating to have strong urge to kiss a baby and not be able to. But I am personally not going to stop kissing my own baby for the sake of her feelings. MIL is calling me disrespectful and a hypocrite and has gotten SIL on board with this as well. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MayhemBabies on 2023-09-30 05:35:26.

My (F28) brother (M30) has always been a bit "my way or the highway". He also loves to tell you that he told you so if you dare to do something differently to his suggestion and it goes the wrong way. My brother's wife, Cindy (F29), is honestly an angel of a person, and her patience is never ending. I genuinely believe that their marriage is held together by her patience, because I would have had it with my brother a long time ago. They were married five years ago, and Cindy gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a month ago.

During the pregnancy, whenever I would ask about names, Cindy always said that they had not been able to agree on anything yet. During these conversations, my brother would say, "Well, we all know what I think we should name the baby, and it is up to Cindy to come up with something better if she doesn't like it." Cindy would always laugh when my brother said this and would say something about finding something they both agreed on, but it certainly seemed like my brother had made up his mind. For reference, the name my brother was adamant about was Joseph, which Cindy really disliked.

By the time Cindy went into labour, her and my brother had a short list of three names which Cindy said they would choose from once they had met the baby and seen his face. Joseph was not on the list. Unfortunately, there were some complications during the birth and Cindy had to be rushed to emergency surgery while my brother dealt with all the paperwork. I am sure you can see where this is going - he put Joseph on the birth certificate while Cindy was unconscious.

It seems that this was the straw that broke the camel's back, and Cindy has filed for divorce. My brother is suddenly crying to the world and their dog that his wife's pregnancy and post-partum hormones have gotten the better of her, and she is throwing away their lives over a temper tantrum. He also said that she would come to realise Joseph is a good/strong name. I admit, it was probably not my finest moment, but I have been telling my brother for years that Cindy's patience would come to an end, and so I said that I had told him so.

I also told him that I will do anything and everything I can to support Cindy through this, and that if he is looking for someone to blame, it is 100% on him and his "my way or the highway" personality. I said that no reasonable or kind person would have used their wife being unconscious as an opportunity to get their own way.

Now my family are telling me I used this as an opportunity to be vindictive rather than supportive, and I can't possibly understand what divorce is like. My mom (F58) told me that I have clearly been holding a grudge against my brother and couldn't wait to rub his face in something. She has said that I am not invited to any family events until I apologise to my brother and promise to support him in the divorce over Cindy.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Personal-Syrup951 on 2023-09-30 03:11:20.

I(22M) have been living at my parents house while I jobhunt. It’s been rough living under my parents roof for the first time in 4 years one of the biggest things we argue about is my diet.

So I have been on a body transformation journey since early April. Since then I’ve dropped from about 190 to 160 as of this week. I’ve done this by doing a lot of cardio, weight training and most importantly calorie/macro tracking. I buy my own groceries, cook my own food, and am entirely self sufficient when it comes to my diet. I ask nothing of my parents other than time to use the kitchen so I can meal prep.

My parents aren’t supportive of this. They think what I’m doing is unhealthy/dangerous which it isn’t. Partially because they have struggled with weight loss and see my way of doing it as extreme. This causes contention. My dad always talks about how when he’s a Marine and when he was in the best shape of his life he never did what I do. My mom always says I’m too skinny and need to eat more which is typical mom behavior. Since they can’t just mind their business about it, we argue a lot.

Tomorrow is my grandmothers 94th birthday and as much as I want to go, I don’t feel comfortable for two reasons. The first being is that it’s a 3 days trip out of state to see her, which means that I likely wont be able to stick as strictly fo my diet or workout routine as I need to. The second being is that I know would feel pressured to eat my family’s food. It’s all like southern comfort food, so some of the most delicious food that will make you incredibly fat. I know my aunts and uncles will make me feel bad and constantly try to convince me to eat and I don’t want to deal with that pressure, plus the temptation since I know the food will be good.

So, I said I wouldn’t be going. I explained to my parents why and they weren’t happy. My dad said I was being ridiculous that I couldn’t take 3 days off from my diet to see family and that in the long run 3 days won’t hurt. I told him that 3 days would ruin a whole weeks worth of progress that I need to be making. I don’t like taking cheat days because they always make me feel worse about myself and because currently I’m still too fat to have a reason to have a cheat day.

My mom told me that I’m being selfish and that this could easily be my grandmother’s last birthday. I told her that other people weren’t attending in person and were all gonna FaceTime her to see her and speak and I could do that.

They said that wasn’t acceptable and that since I could go, I need to go. I said that if I do go, I’m just not going to eat for 3 days straight and that I didn’t want to do that so I wouldn’t be going. I also mentioned that the don’t know how to commit to weight loss so they should stop lecturing me on what I need to do for my body. We reached an impasse until they left this morning and I didn’t.

I talked to my brother about it and he told me that I was being a huge dick and I need to go to see them and apologize to my parents.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Imaginary_Ocelot_111 on 2023-09-30 03:03:06.

A new house was built directly below us and they painted their metal roof white. We have huge windows and a balcony right above the roof, so we found it very reflective and blinding at times.

I thought I could just deal with it but it came to be too much so I looked up the city's regulations and it turned out that they're not allowed to use that color. My partner called the city and asked them to check, and the city official told us that on top of using white, they lied on their paperwork and had originally said they would paint the roof black.

They had to repaint the roof and they apologized to everyone in the neighborhood. But they have also made it clear they want nothing to do with us. They have a kid the same age as ours as well, which is really unfortunate as maybe we would have been able to have playdates if this hadn't happened.

We feel like we made the right decision as the roof is 1000% more tolerable since it's no longer white. They also knew they were building a house below ours and none of the other houses have white roofs (because of regulation) so it's a little rude that they didn't think of the impact the roof would have on us.

So AITA for talking to the city about their roof?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/IndividualSource7810 on 2023-09-30 02:48:26.

I had a one-night stand with a woman (Mary) I didn't know at a party in 2016. About a year ago someone reached out and told me she knew Mary and her (now 6yo) son was mine. This person hadn't known my name until meeting another friend of mine and they figured it out. Apparently Mary had started dating someone (Jon) just after we hooked up, then found out she was pregnant. Mary and Jon got serious, got married, and Jon adopted my son.

After I found out, I got a lawyer and filed for custody in my state. Mary and Jon fought me through the whole process, telling me not to break up their family (they have a younger daughter). After lots of legal fees, I finally forced a paternity test and got every other weekend. My intent is to keep pushing until I have 50/50 custody. I looked into reversing the adoption but it is basically impossible, so I'll probably have to wait until my son is 18 and then do it with his consent.

I have been having my son over for the past few months and it's been great. He gets along great with my GF too. He understands that I'm his father but of course he calls Jon dad. I'm not trying to get him to stop that because I don't want to confuse him or make him uneasy, but last weekend I did tell him that he can call me dad too instead of Mr. Lastname like his mom told him too. He seemed fine with it and called me dad while he was with me.

His mom found out and has been pestering me all week, saying I'm a sperm donor and Jon is his real dad and she'll take me to court for parental alienation. The last thing she said was that I can be an uncle but my son only has one dad.

I'm ignoring most of what she said, but I am wondering if AITA for asking my son to call me dad in this situation.

EDIT: some people are asking how I could gain parental rights adoption. It is possible because I did not consent to the adoption and Mary claimed she did not know the father. The birth certificate was blank for father. Jon decided to adopt when my son was 1 year old and he got married to Mary.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TiredofInfluencing on 2023-09-30 01:16:15.

I'm (16m) banished to my aunt's house right now and while she agrees with me that I'm not an asshole for having these feelings, she says she agrees with my parents that i was an asshole for the TikTok that I made about our real lives. Without saying too much, my parents had me while they were in college and i lived with my grandparents until they graduated and got married. I have three younger siblings and we all live in a large city together. My dad has a real job and my mom basically just writes a blog and has social media accounts. She NEVER mentions me. I'm never in pictures. My siblings are because they were written about from the time my mom was pregnant with them, after they got married. She writes a lot about our "lifestyle" and brags about how thrifty she is and simple but she doesn't tell people that my grandparents give us money and that she blows it on really expensive things like buckets and sweaters. Trust me when I say that NONE of what you see online about my family is true except for where we live and our names. Anyway, I vented a little bit to my friend about how my parents go back and forth on pretending to be poor but then not and then back again, depending on who they talk to. And i said that sometimes that meant that my mom buys something expensive and stupid to brag about but then I have to hear about eating less or being "more simple" about birthday wishlists because life is too expensive. So we made a Tiktok at my house. I pointed out stuff like "here's my mom's ONE sweater that cost $400 and that's why i got this for Christmas" and pointed to a kid's art set. I pointed out some stuff that she told her readers she was gifted that she actually bought, too. My Tiktok doesn't get much attention at all but one of my friend's showed it to her mom and her mom showed my mom. My parents are mad and say that doing stuff like this hurts the whole family because it could affect sponsorships and maybe book deals and Dad said i was an asshole for doing the video. So, am I? I think I have a right to say the truth but maybe I should have kept it more private between me and my friends. By the way, they made me delete the account so no one else is going to know. Thanks.

An update: thank you everyone who voted. I showed my aunt this post early this morning and she's kinda mad that I made it. I won't respond to anyone else. I'm sorry! My aunt and grandparents are going to help me ask if I can just stay with my aunt for a while maybe even until I'm 18. I can answer a few questions that I got a lot of but I truly don't want to expose my family (because I'm part of them! and my siblings are young and don't deserve it.) and I don't want any more people to figure out who my parents are. No they aren't Christian vloggers. There is not YouTube or X or TikTok or Facebook for my mom. She just has an old blog and she posts on IG. Her blog and some side projects from it do make money. My grandparents do know where the money goes on stuff because they see it in the house and on the blog and on IG. Yes, a bucket. Really. $300 from England. And then she'll wear our housekey on a rubberband on her wrist and tell her followers what a simple life we live. It's that kind of thing that feels like a lie. Her followers will send her pictures of buying the same stupid bucket and also donating their keyrings and using a rubber band now. Ridiculous.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Substantial-Gas5463 on 2023-09-30 00:51:53.

My wife and I have been married for going on 10 years. We met in our mid-20s and are now in our mid 30s. When my wife and I met my facial hair admittedly was patchy. But as the years have passed and I have aged my facial hair is now full and supple. I have always wanted to grow a nice long beard like the masculine men I saw growing up. I always admired it. Throughout my relationship with my wife I have normally kept just scruff on my face. But I have also told my wife about my desire to grow out my beard. Her reaction is always to tell me who that's gross or you need to shave you look disgusting. This is now happened enough times that I finally blew up and said babe I I don't give a f*** if you like beards or not! So am I the a****** for telling my wife I don't care about her preference on my beard?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/morningstarbuckspost on 2023-09-29 23:35:48.

My wife and I adopted Mila (10), Grace (5), and Lucas (4) from foster care. Grace and Lucas were in a very loving home that would’ve adopted them if they could. We are still in contact with their foster parents and see them every few months.

Mila’s home was horrible. She was the first one that came to us and we spent nearly a month in the hospital and she needed a feeding tube when she came home. Mila has some special needs that are a direct result of that home.

A few months ago we got a call asking if we could take a 14 year old girl, Cassie, from the same home that Mila was in. Cassie’s needs aren’t as severe as Mila’s but between that and the fact that she’s years behind in school normal schooling would’ve been difficult for her.

My sister was a teaching assistant for special ed at our local school district. It was so bad that she didn’t even last a year there. When she heard about the girls, she said to not allow them to end up in special ed in our district.

My wife quit her job and homeschooled Mila for the first few months but she’s not a teacher and she doesn’t know how to help Mila the way she needed it.

We started looking for special needs schools and found one over an hour away that we love. My wife got a job in the office there so we got cheap tuition for Mila and eventually Cassie when she started school there. The girls are doing great at this school and we’re considering moving closer to it to make life a little easier.

The issue is my wife, Mila, and Cassie are out of the house by 6:30 every morning. Cassie is up by 5:30 and Mila is up by 6. They’re all tired when it’s time to go to school and work so as a treat, they go to Starbucks every morning. Mila gets a hot chocolate, Cassie is allowed to get a small coffee, and my wife gets a coffee to help them get through the morning.

They are not always the best at getting the cups out of the car by the time the younger two see it and lately they’ve been throwing temper tantrums every morning when we pass by a Starbucks.

My wife thinks we should just get it for them but I don’t want to. I think it’s a waste of money and they can have chocolate milk at home.

AITA for not getting them Starbucks?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/motherbeeee on 2023-09-29 22:53:06.

I (41f) have 2 children, 14m and 11m from my previous marriage. My 14 year old is the subject of this post. I’ll call him Andrew.

Andrew has recently begun his first year of high school. He doesn’t have a lot of friends because we live closer to a different high school than most of his former classmates ended up at. Luckily one of his very close friends from a few years back goes to his school. A girl I will call Dana. They have become close again over the last 6ish weeks. They spend time together at school and she has been coming over on weekends, or him at her house. Andrew talks about her a lot. To be honest, I thought they had crushes on each other. By the way, Dana is mixed black with Vietnamese and we are white. Unfortunately that is relevant.

Last weekend Dana was over for dinner. Things were going normally until my 11 year old made a joke about Dana being Andrew’s girlfriend. My husband and he have been lightly teasing Andrew for a couple of weeks about Dana being his girlfriend and he always denies it hotly. That night after my 11 year old’s joke, Andrew not only denied it but spouted a, “I DON’T LIKE BLACK GIRLS!” loudly for the entire table to hear, including Dana. I was stunned. Dana looked highly embarrassed. I knew in the moment I would talk to him later, but just for the time being said something like, “hey, that isn’t cool.” The remainder of dinner was very awkward and then Dana left.

Once she was gone I told Andrew how he probably hurt Dana’s feelings. I explained how black women and girls already struggle with feeling accepted in society, and that he was ignoring the other half of her race entirely. Not to mention the bad example he was setting for his brother. He went on defensive mode and said he just thinks dark girls are “ugly” and is tired of people at home and at school thinking he would date, “someone like her.” After that conversation I told him that he was grounded until he offered Dana a sincere apology and made an effort to learn about miogynoir through reading. I then told him that if I were Dana, I would not want to be his friend anymore after his racist remarks.

To my astonishment, this has been unpopular with my ex as well as my current husband. My current husband is puerto rican, so I was doubly surprised he didn’t side with me. They both say that Andrew is entitled to his own preferences when it comes to girls and I am wrong to punish him. I took it more seriously from my current husband who has been on the receiving end of racism. I now do not know what to do. Andrew has apologized to D, but has yet to find a good book on misogynoir and read it. Am I wrong for punishing him? Should I let him off the hook? AITA?

Edit:

Thank you everyone for your input. I want to say that I see now I was wrong to view the teasing as lighthearted when it upset my son and led to him lashing out. I feel the need to reaffirm that it was not me who personally was involved in the teasing which seems to be a common misconception. That said, I haven’t argued the point because I can see I was in the wrong for not putting an end to the teasing, and it makes me no better than if I were directly involved.

I believe after this thread that I am justified in my punishment of my son for his racism, but the rest of owe him an apology just as he owed Dana one. I am going to follow through with the grounding, but I will have a talk with Andrew about what was going on, and try to explain again why he was apologizing. I appreciate all of the recommendations on books and documentaries.