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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Timely-Error-9679 on 2023-09-26 15:02:28.

My boyfriend Josh and I have been together since high school and are now in college. Yesterday I wanted to surprise him with breakfast so I went to his house. I knew his parents would be at work so I thought it was the perfect time to visit him.

When I got there, I knocked on his door for at least 30 seconds and their front door is pretty translucent so I could see and hear what was going on inside. I saw someone running out of his bedroom door then running back inside. He finally came out of his room and closed the door behind him and then opened the front door. He seemed confused as to why I was there. To be fair, I’ve never been to his house without confirming with him first but I thought it would’ve been cute.

His shirt was all scrunched up as if he had just put it on. He asked me what I was doing at his place and I just gave him a strange look and asked him who was inside. He said it was his sister. I was a bit skeptical but then his sister came out from the room and greeted me then went back in his room.

I decided to just give him the coffee and bagel and went home. Later that night, I texted him about what happened earlier and how it was weird the way he was acting. He became pretty defensive as if I was accusing him of something. He told me he doesn’t want to be with someone who thinks so disgustingly of him and hasn’t responded to any of my messages yet. AITA for insinuating something strange was happening between my boyfriend and his sister?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TinyAardvark on 2023-09-26 14:24:28.

My in-laws want to go on extremely cheap vacations. They want to stay in 2 star hotels and have the 4 of us share a room. They want to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches sourced from local gas stations for lunch and get fast food for dinner. The only activity is walking- no shows or excursions.

For context, my husband’s parents make about $20k a year. I make about 400k a year. My husband used to make 400k a year too, but was recently laid off.

My husband and his parents insist on splitting the cost of every vacation 50/50. I have offered to pay so we can stay in 5 star hotels, or even just get separate hotel rooms. They refuse to let me pay for anything- not even a dinner!

At this point, I refuse to go on vacation unless I pay for it and we can stay at nicer places. I can easily afford it, but they refuse. My husband sides with them and says we should split everything 50/50. They also want to go on long vacations because they’re visiting from India (we live in the USA), so they typically visit for a month and want to travel the entire time, so I have to save up nearly all my vacation days for this.

Now, I just refuse to go on vacation with them and they’re calling me a spoiled brat and an asshole.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Subject_Ad_6999 on 2023-09-26 15:27:05.

On phone, he is using school as a party place, doesn’t go to class or turn things in. It is stupidity.

I am so frustrated. My son 18 went to college last year he joined the spring semester. A chance to spread his wings and move on with his life. The issues is that he failed ever single class but one. He went on probation with the school and he told me that he lost track of time.

I told him he needs to get off probation, get at least C’s this semester, and no issues or I won’t pay anymore.

I got a call to come pick him up from the station last night ( busted for a party). I had him pull up his grades and he is failing everything again. I told him I am done. I will pay to finish this semester but I won’t pay for college anymore.

This resulted in an argument where I told him I don’t think he smart enough for college because he can’t learn from his mistakes. He called me an ass and now my ex is on me. I told him he can pay it if he cares so much.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fatwife43 on 2023-09-26 15:12:42.

Husband (38M) & I (43F) have been together 13 years. He’s always been a bit neglectful & temperamental but I used to attribute it to our age difference. When we met I was 30 with more life experience; started to work/date at 15, financially responsible & living alone. He was 25, started to work/date at 21, lived with his mom who would wake him for work with coffee & a packed lunch. His communication is apathetic at best. He doesn’t text/call, hardly talks, never compliments, never even likes a social media post. He literally copied his wedding speech from a friend, who was at our wedding.

After marriage his temper got worse, from foot-stomping/muttering, to screaming insults, throwing things, full tantrums. On good days he does nothing. Literally nothing. I’ve tried to encourage him to get a hobby, game, go out, go on his phone, anything, but anything I suggest is childish/stupid. He just sits, stroking his beard, blank staring.

I get 1 hour to talk to him each night, from chats to important concerns. Nearly every night after eating he falls asleep in the chair while I’m talking, as early as 6pm. I find this so disrespectful. It makes me feel boring/irrelevant. I’ve mentioned this and asked him to rather just say he’s tired and go to bed, sometimes he tantrums, sometimes apologizes, most times blames me for “not allowing him to sleep”. We have separate rooms. I tried telling him when to go to sleep but it felt like I was mothering him so I asked him to please just gauge his own sleep needs. On the few nights that he went to bed I was happy/encouraging, but after 1-2 nights it’s back to usual.

For years I thought he had depression, he lost it when I suggested that, used depression as an excuse for toxic behavior for ages, refused counselling, blamed me, then laughed at me about it. It got hurtful so I gave up trying to help.

I mentioned separating. He gets aggressive/insulting, then sobs promising to put effort in. ‘Effort’ is a generic 1-line text, 5min backrub & clean dishes. This lasts 1-3 days max.

Now last year my mom passed away. He was unsupportive and actually very cruel about it. My friend came to stay for bit and got to witness a mantrum. She pointed out some of his worrying behavior towards me. I was embarrassed but it made me see him in a new light. Since then I have grown more resentful. His temper/apathy used to scare/hurt me, now I just find it repulsive/pathetic.

Last night I was talking about something important, he fell asleep again and I lost it. I called him a selfish PoS and said I want a separation. He shouted, then pouted “my tone threatened him”, insulted me- I’m too “old and fat to find anyone else”, sulked I “don’t allow him to sleep”, I’m “punishing him for a problem I made”. He then said IATA for “threatening divorce over a biological need” and went to bed. So, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ill-Equivalent-9350 on 2023-09-26 14:44:40.

My fiance and I are getting married and a few days ago we went shopping for his suit. My niece who is also my moh was with us as well because I was hoping to buy her dress as well.

My fiance has long brown hair and he has a unique way of dressing which I love about him.

He chose a green suit and went to try it on then came out and asked us what we think. Before I could say anything my niece said "sure that's great if you want to look like an upside down tree"

I started laughing and he looked at me offended and asked why we are making fun of his clothes and said that my niece shouldn't be allowed to say that.

I told him that my niece said what she was thinking and if she was thinking so then others would think so as well. I mean I support him if that's what he wants to wear but he shouldn't get offended then. He thinks I'm an asshole

Edit: the ages are me F26, fiance M27 and niece F16

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ecstatic_narwhals on 2023-09-26 11:21:49.

I'm getting married next year, in an outdoorsy nature reserve in some woods with a barn. Because it's in a nature reserve, the venue let us know that we couldn't have dogs at our wedding, unless it was very specifically OUR dog who they met before to check they would be well-behaved, would stay on the lead the whole time, etc. Our dog is a rescue and actually still a little nervy around new people so we decided it was best if she stayed home with a sitter and we just had a dog-free wedding.

We sent out save the dates last week and a couple days ago I got a message from my cousin asking if we'd forgotten to put his dog's name on the invite. The thing is, his dog is not at ALL trained. He jumps up at people, barks and whines constantly if he's not getting attention, has extreme separation anxiety (to the point where they can't even both go to the bathroom at the same time or he will destroy furniture), has been known to nip when he gets excited and is generally just not well-behaved. This is completely my cousin's fault for getting a high-energy breed and then not doing any training with him, but my point is that if I were to invite ANY dog, this is the last one I'd choose because his behaviour is not suited to a group event where it will be loud and stressful for the dog. I replied and explained we couldn't have dogs, unfortunately. At this point he kicked off and asked if I was expecting him to pay for a new suit, travel, hotel etc AND now a weekend at a kennels, and if his dog wasn't invited he wasn't going to come, because his dog's separation anxiety means he cannot be left with anyone else. I was pretty pissed off but replied and said I totally understand that travelling here would be an expense for him and if the extra money needed for a sitter/kennels meant he couldn't come, I was sad he won't make it but understand and would be great to catch up some other time. He never replied and I left it.

I really didn't think I'd done anything wrong tbh but now I'm being hassled by multiple members of my family who are telling me I'm being a stubborn asshole for not making an exception for this one dog. My mom's argument is that if we're not taking our dog, my cousin's dog can be there instead, and that I'm causing a huge family row because we're being "bridezilla-y". Sometimes I can be a bit clueless and will definitely apologise if I am in the wrong. So, reddit, am I the asshole?

TLDR: My cousin wants to bring his untrained, destructive dog to my wedding. I said no and now my whole family are acting like I've started world war 3. I can be a bit dumb sometimes with things like this - AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/After-Bullfrog5639 on 2023-09-26 10:22:40.

Long story short. Me, 26m and my gf, 26f recently had a fight about this topic. She got invited by a male friend of hers that she has had a small history with, to go with him to the city during saturday night. And i found out from him that he had invited her. She raged and told me that its NOT normal for a couple to let the other person know if they are heading out a saturday night with someone else, and i find this super odd.

I found her in a pub with this dude and he told me that he invited her and i knew nothing about this. I hadnt recieved a single invitation from her about this and ofc when she saw me (because i knew she headed out to the city and i wanted to join) she came to me but i kinda rejected her because i was kinda hurt from seeing her with this dude out on a bar.

I saw this dude when i entered the location and talked to him before she noticed me so i got some information from him cus he looked kinda dumbfounded when he saw me and just started spitting out facts.

He also told me that they frequently use to meet up and going out for drives and etc, and ive also never heard anything about this either.

And ofc i told her that’s wrong that couples dont usually tells eachother where they are going out and with who, and we ended up in a fight and she is now moving out apparently.

So reddit, AITA for rejecting her in a smallish manner when catching her with another dude out on the city during Saturday night?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ProfessionalDepth995 on 2023-09-26 14:50:33.

My son is a 6th grader and his math teacher uses a lot of videos. They did a class project on geometry where groups of students did shorts on geometry and they watched it and the teacher posted it on his school website and his tiktok.

I understand social media is popular with kids and it's not going anywhere so you might as well try to moderate it like junk food but I began to wonder if this was a personal project for the teacher rather than a class project. I would probably be okay if this was strictly a class thing if my son was okay.

After wrestling with it, I spoke to my son and said I'm fine with you being in class videos but I'm not okay with you being on Mr. J's personal tiktok page without my permission. My son said that he told Mr. J it was okay. That made me laugh. I said you can't even be trusted to shower every day let alone decide when you can appear on someone's tiktok page.

So I sent an email to Mr. J telling him what I thought and my stance. He replied that I gave consent when I signed his classroom agreement that he uses videos and pictures of his students and no parent has ever complained. Plus his tiktok page is also his "class" tiktok page because "you realize no one watches YouTube since 2017." He said he's not hiding anything and this is what teachers do to make dense subject material interesting. Then he thanked me for being a concerned "Daddy" as a backhanded insult.

I replied that none of my son's other five teachers is doing what he's doing and probably because they don't have time to play on TikTok. But that's okay. I expect my son to be a math whiz and we will check in later.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Secret_Bar5485 on 2023-09-26 13:16:07.

I (22f) have had debilitating migraines since I was about 13. Being said I know how to deal with them a bit better now but with the stress of a full-time job and being a full-time student my migraines have turned into cluster headaches and even sent me to the ER twice in the past year. My husband (26m) and I got married a year and a half ago and it has been rocky but we’ve been going to therapy and doing alright lately.

I came home with a migraine I got during work and by the time I got home I barely wanted to open my eyes. I soaked my feet in hot water and put ice packs on my neck to relieve the pain but to no avail. At around 3 am that morning me and my husband are sleeping and I wake up to a stabbing pain behind my eye. I’ve only had it one other time and It gets so bad my face swells up. I took the migraine pills beside my bed and tried to breathe it out. An hour past and I feel my face swelling and I feel nauseated from the pain so I decide to ask if he can make me coffee since sometimes caffeine helps me. I figured it was between that or asking him to drive me to the ER but thought I would exhaust all my options first. (Just a side note I had work at 6 am and he has been off all week so i was not waking him up when he had work the next day)

He got upset and stormed downstairs and started slamming stuff around which was just making my head feel worse. I decided to blindly walk downstairs to tell him that I would try to make it myself and to go back to bed only to see the water kettle on and him asleep on the couch. This upset me because although I’ve always been more nurturing between the two of us (I work in healthcare), I always drop whatever I’m doing when he is sick, hurt or even stressed to make sure he is okay and do what I can to help him relax. I told him to go upstairs and he said that I was extremely rude for waking him up. I tried to explain that I only asked him because I’m in a lot of pain and I cant see very well and he just said its “just a headache and it doesn’t hurt enough that I can still yell at him”. I told him to go upstairs and I just tried to make my coffee in the dark and sip on it. I texted him apologizing for the angry choice of words I used but said that his lack of empathy concerns me, especially because that’s what a partner is for. Someone to help in sickness and in health. He said I was being toxic and selfish and that he’s never woken me up to ask for anything. I let it go and when I got to work I texted him around 9 am and asked if he was awake. He said yes and I asked if he would read through what he sent me just hoping it was him being grumpy and sleepy and he just said “i know what I said and I stand by it” I just didn’t respond and went to the ER for steroids for my migraine. I’m over talking about it with him because it honestly just makes me upset to see how uncaring he can be but I like reading AITA post and thought.

TIA

Also to mention I have free health care and where I live there is no urgent care or clinic. Just hospital and ER to get medication/treatment.

** Also I say yelled but I didn’t yell at him I just told him to go back upstairs**

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/masonmarley on 2023-09-26 12:06:57.

My spouse and I regularly go to a popular local chain restaurant. They usually take very good care of us. Last night was definitely a different story.

I always get a pour of whiskey when I go to this restaurant. It's not top shelf but it's not well whiskey, and it's not cheap, either. I prefer to enjoy it neat. It came over ice. Not a few ice cubes, like the glass was pretty well full. I wasn't going to send it back, but my spouse knows me and asked the waitress to please correct my order. She brought me back the same exact glass and pour that had been over ice, but the ice had been strained out. I knew this was the case because the glass was still cold with condensation, and the whiskey was obviously diluted.

At this point, I'm feeling irritated. The drink is very diluted and it felt super disrespectful and lazy. Even so, I was just going to drink my drink and move on. I had a terrible day at work and just wanted to enjoy my meal. Then I actually look into the glass, and there's a fly floating in the drink.

I walk up to the bar and explain what happened to the bartender, thinking I'd get immediate shock, maybe a look of sympathetic disgust, and a brand new drink. It's bullshit after all, right? Nope. I get so much attitude and a "well I didn't make it" retort. I really didn't give a shit who made it and asked for him to remake it, pointing out the insect using the drink as a swimming pool. Another gigantic dose of attitude, rolled eyes, and the response of, "well, we have a lot of fruit flies around here, so..." Gobsmacked. He made no move to grab my drink to fix it, so I very pointedly said, again, "I'd like it remade, neat, now, please". I stood at the bar and waited for him to finish serving a few others, received my remade drink, and thanked him. Petty silence with no response back. it wasn't a fruit fly, by the way. It was a big, plays-in-poop-and-trash, starts-life-as-a-maggot, blow fly.

I walked back to my table feeling pretty irate. It was a simple order that got messed up, had a lazy correction, and then I had an insect in my drink. Why should I be treated like a jerk? I had gassed myself up to ask the waitress to please send her manager over when she brought our food out, but he was actually running orders, and so brought our food out to us. I've never complained to a restaurant manager in my life so my heart was pounding as I explained what happened and asked that the drink be comped. He agreed the entire scenario was ridiculous and that the behavior of the bartender was unacceptable, comped the drink, and promised to address the employee.

I can't help but ovethink the entire situation now...am I the asshole, or was the bartender truly in the wrong here? I feel a little bad for getting him in trouble (if he was actually spoken to) because we all have crappy days.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Head-Response-6401 on 2023-09-26 11:23:41.

My brother got married last month. I (22f) went alone bc my boyfriend had an actuary exam in two days so he had to stay and revise.

During the reception ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran came on and people started pairing up. Yes, mostly it was with their partners but the best man - a childhood friend of my brother, whom I have known since he was 5 and I was 3 - offered his hand and we slow danced for that song.

In my head it was strictly platonic - I’ve known him for almost 20 years and there’s never been a shred of anything more - either from him or from me.

Anyway, we get some of the videos / photos back and my boyfriend is majorly upset I was dancing with the best man. Said it was betrayal and that I shouldn’t be dancing to such intimate songs with other men.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/I_tried_7090 on 2023-09-26 12:01:27.

My mother-in-law has always made side digs at me like when I was pregnant, that I wasn’t doing enough, and that I was sleeping too much when she was pregnant she never had that luxury. Mind you I had morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks and when I say morning sickness I was sick all day I had to go to the doctors to get nausea tablets for it. And still worked 40 hours a week. That’s some backstory. But I’ll get to the point of why I’m writing here at the moment. We got into an argument two weeks ago over mouldy pumpkin. I know it sounds stupid. My partner was cutting up some veggies to give to my son. And I saw that there was pumpkin there that had mould on it and I saw him just cut off the mould and was cutting up the pumpkin. I told him to stop as a pumpkin had mould in it and I wasn’t giving it to my son. Then mother-in-law chimed in and said I’ve been having pumpkin like that since I was a kid and nothing happened to me so it’s fine and I told her that pumpkin is porous and that mould is probably through all the pumpkin she told me to stop being so childish, and that it was fine. I told her it’s not fine as it is my child, and I will not be feeding him pumpkin that has mould on it. And then I hadn’t spoken to her in two weeks. My partner took my son over there to see her yesterday. And because I know how she is and she likes to ignore people I wasn’t going to be the person to apologise. Something I didn’t think was wrong. And my partner told her about my son‘s birthday party that is in three months and we have decided to plan it now because it is in December and I know people go away and everything and she said she will not be attending my son’s birthday party because of me and my partner should put me in my place and he should wake up to himself now I’m really pissed. Should I stick my ground or am I the arsehole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sensitive_Mouse6747 on 2023-09-26 03:50:45.

So my wife (28) and I (30M) have been together for 5 years and have been engaged for 2. From the beginning her and I decided that we wanted to elope and then have a nice party a little farther down the road so both the families could come and celebrate with us, which we told our families. We decided that our elopement date was going to be on our 5 year anniversary and only told our parents because even though we love our families they can tend to be very opinionated on matters, though we weren't trying to keep it a secret seeing as both sides already knew we were eloping within the year. We planned to tell our families a little later in the month once my wife had updated all of her paperwork. Once we were married my wife posted some of the pictures on Instagram. Nothing huge, just some pictures of her and I smiling and hugging and one of us showing our new rings. Her cousin saw her post and decided she was going to tell everyone on her dad's side of the family. Both her grandmother, aunt and uncle were furious and hurt that we didn’t include them in our special day. They accused us of being selfish, disrespectful, and ungrateful. They said we betrayed their trust and ruined our relationship with them. We tried to explain our reasons and apologize for hurting their feelings, but they wouldn’t listen. They said we owed them an explanation and a proper wedding. They demanded that we have a do-over ceremony with all of them invited. They also threatened to cut us off if we didn’t comply. We also felt that they were being unreasonable and manipulative. We told them that we loved them and wanted them in our lives, but we wouldn’t let them dictate our decisions. They said we were being stubborn and immature, and they hung up on us. We haven’t heard from them since then, and we don’t know if they will ever talk to us again. We are happy with our marriage, but we are sad about losing our families. We don’t think we did anything wrong. So, reddit, AITA for getting married without telling my wife's family?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/lemonwaterinmycup on 2023-09-26 09:45:09.

I (25) have made the decision years ago that I won't have any children. It doesn't interest me, I don't have the instinct for it, and really, I just don't wanna. To clarify, I don't hate them or anything. Children are a lot of work/responsibility and I just don't see myself in anything even adjacent to that sort of position.

Now my sister. She does not have any children as of now but she hopes to at some point. She struggles with some personal things that would make raising children difficult and she informally asked if I'd ever help out with her potential children. I said no with the reasoning I explained before. I feel like if it's her decision to have children, despite me being blood related, that has nothing to do with me and I shouldn't be obligated to look out for them. I know family is important and all that but my viewpoint really hurt her and I feel like when/if she does have children, I am going to be pressured into helping out with them even though it would sacrifice my own peace.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BadOk7232 on 2023-09-26 08:58:42.

My sister (22F) is getting married. She was talking our mom and me about her wedding and she was saying her dad would be there. Mom and her dad were together from the time I was a baby until I was 8. He was horrifically cruel to me for years and hated me for being mom's kid with someone else even though he started dating a single mom. For years it was done behind my mom's back but when I told her what was happening and she confronted him, he showed everyone around how disgusting he was to me. He left me with a lot of issues. I had no dad and he was as close as I had and he made it very clear he would never want to be my anything dad. Mom divorced him and there was a custody dispute because mom didn't want him turning my sister against me. My sister saw her dad every other weekend but she also needed to be in therapy for years because the court agreed there was a risk that he would try to poison our relationship. He also needed to stay far away from me. The last time I saw him I was 14 and he showed up to pick up my sister when he wasn't supposed to and I was home alone for a couple of hours. He was just as cruel to me at the door that time as he was when he was married to my mom. He accused me of destroying my sister's family and being poison. When mom came home with my sister they found me crying and distraught and struggling.

I have had extensive therapy from the age of 8. It hasn't been ongoing every week since I was 8. But I needed a lot of help and still have some hang ups from everything.

I cannot be around that man.

But my sister loves her dad and wants her there so after she told us about this and I know the wedding is happening in March, I told my sister that I could not go. She begged me not to do that and said she could just keep me away from her dad or maybe she could even get him to apologize. I told her that he destroyed me and I cannot be around him again. She asked me to love her more than I hate her dad. I said it's not even hate. It's trauma. He tormented a little girl for simply not being his when he married mom knowing she had me. I told her that the man used to wish a child dead for simply existing in a way he didn't like.

Mom told my sister that she needed to respect the fact her dad had done so much harm and it was not something I could just get over. My sister cried that she loves me and her dad and she doesn't want to have one not be there on her big day. Mom said if I was a minor she would have made the choice for me and would have done the same thing.

My sister got mad and started to say I needed to let it go and why can't I just accept she loves him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/daniellegaines on 2023-09-26 06:56:13.

My fiancé (29M) and I (27F) are getting married in about a year, after almost 8 years together. All of the wedding planning has gone great so far, until a couple of weeks ago. We are both fairly frugal, so we planned to cut excess wedding expenses as much as possible.

About two weeks ago, my fiancé came downstairs after talking on the phone with his older sister and told me “how excited she was to be a bridesmaid.” I hadn’t asked her to be my bridesmaid, and I’m not planning on having any bridesmaids/MOH, so I assumed they were referring to another friend of hers or something. Slowly, I realized that she had been talking about our wedding. I quickly corrected my fiancé, explaining that she wasn’t going to be my bridesmaid, since I wasn’t having any.

He got upset (which is out of character) and said I was being silly. He told me that it would be weird for me to not have any bridesmaids, mean to his sister to be left out of our ceremony, and unfair because he was planning on having nine groomsmen (the first I heard of this). I countered with my reasoning, explaining that I am trying to save money by not having bridesmaids and more importantly, I don’t have enough friends to be bridesmaids. The only people I could think of would be my sister and his, and having two bridesmaids that were from our families would make me look sad.

We took a break on the argument for the rest of the evening, but it came back up the next morning. He argued that it’s his sister, and if he wants her in the wedding she should be in it. I agreed, and said she could be part of his wedding party if he wanted. I don’t have any brothers, so it’s not like my sibling is one of his groomsmen. He then continued to point out that it would be weird for him to have groomsmen when I don’t have anyone on my side of the aisle. He said that to not make it look weird, he has to give up his groomsmen.

I was diagnosed with a form of high-functioning autism as a child, so I’ve never been the best at picking up on social cues and whenever I’ve started to make friends, they never stick around. I also lived by myself in college and never joined sororities/clubs, I don’t have contact with anyone I knew from high school, I’m not close with my colleagues (who are much older than me), and my free time is spent volunteering at the dog shelter, going to the gym, or working on my online masters. He knows my lack of friends is something I’m self conscious/sad about, so I don’t know why he’s trying to make it such a big deal about it for our wedding.

I spoke with my sister who agrees with me and gets where I’m coming from, and I know his sister would understand too. I don’t feel like I’m stopping him from having groomsmen if he wants, but he keeps saying that I am, and I either need to hire professional bridesmaids (which I can’t afford) or get over myself and finally go make friends. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lizefcw on 2023-09-26 04:30:06.

I'm 20 and I've had dengue fever three times. My cousin(10) got diagnosed with it last evening. His first time getting this particular disease. My aunt told him "Your cousin had it three times and it was always a cakewalk for him' so now he wants me to tell him if it's really been that easy.

Now I'm usually for being positive but I just don't know if I should lie and tell him it's been easy when it was always really painful. The first two times were from when I was really young and I can't actually remember that much but my parents said I was in a lot of pain. The third time I can still remember. Really painful disease. Felt in it my bones and joints. I didn't think I should set him up to be 'surprised.'

So I declined. I told him 'Just make sure you drink lots of water.' I didn't tell him it was a cakewalk like my aunt asked me to.

She was upset, saying that if I just told him it was easy, he might find it easy. Like the placebo effect thing. Would it have been better if I lied to him?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Rude-Car-6883 on 2023-09-26 04:11:43.

I live in California, the food here is extremely expensive. My (25m) roommate landlord(55m) is a middle aged “disabled” guy who doesn’t work and he receives government assistance. I let him grocery shop for me once, we made a list together. I of course don’t want to upset him (he is a real hot head) so a lot of the times I just go with the flow on things. He added a few items I didn’t want but I kind of just let it happen because they couldn’t have totaled more than 15 - 20 bucks. When he came back last time from grocery shopping, he spent waaay more than I intended, at least double what I normally spend. I asked to see a receipt and he blew a gasket, freaked out. Eventually he let it go, had me give about 20 percent off what he originally asked. Now I just tend to Instacart groceries because I have free delivery on my orders and I only need about 50-75 dollars of food for me for the week. I don’t have a vehicle so it’s my best option. Every time he sees me grabbing my groceries, he goes on and on complaining about how it would be so much cheaper to let him go to sams club for me, and I’m an idiot for doing this, yada yada. I feel like he is just trying to indirectly sell me his food stamps. AITA for paying more via Instacart just to spite him?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Vegetable_Pie_2168 on 2023-09-26 07:26:07.

This is messy. I40m have been married to my wife Cindy off and on. We had a child together who is now 17. We had a rocky part in our marriage and split for a few years, where I met a woman Stacy. We were together for a while, having twins together, ages 12. Stacy and I split up, bc she ended up being unfaithful. 2 years later I had reconciled with Cindy, we got my twins every weekend due to our work schedules.

This past weekend my oldest daughter went into early labor. It was also my weekend with my twins. I had told Stacy on the way to the hospital that I would not be able to have them this weekend due to this. I had put my phone on silent and away, due to a lot going on. When I returned to my phone I had abunch of text from Stacy saying how I needed to go home and be with my twins, and how Cindy could handle this situation. I told her absolutely not, that I wasn’t missing the birth of my grandchild.

She then responded angrily saying how I was picking my oldest daughter over my youngest and how wrong that was since they can only see me on the weekends anyways. I tried texting and calling multiple times throughout the weekend, getting no responses. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/IYKYKSEA on 2023-09-26 06:33:08.

I am a single mother with two children. The kids have four nights per month with their dad. When our parenting plan was developed, we agreed to allow him to claim the oldest child so as long support payments were current. (At the time, he had 10 overnights).

Two years ago, I informed him that because he was 6k behind in support, I planned to exercise our agreement and claim both children. He responded with some selective words and told me that since I make more than him (66% of our collective income) I didn't need the money.

When I filed my taxes, they were rejected stating that my son was already claimed. I ended up submitting my taxes manually, providing copies of our parenting plan, custody agreement, proof of support arrears, and our email exchange stating my intent. While it took nine months, I finally received my return (along with the money from his return that was garnished due to his owing).

Two weeks ago, he informed me that the IRS had communicated that he didn't have the right to claim our child from two years ago, and he now owes 6k. He asked if I was aware and if I had claimed our oldest. I explained the circumstances and that yes, I had challenged his filing. He is now not speaking to me. AITA for informing the IRS and not just letting him claim despite our agreement?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comprehensive_You520 on 2023-09-26 02:39:22.

I am a 38 yr old female engaged to a 39 year old man. We have recently begun discussing finances for our marriage.

I need to know if I am in the wrong here as this has now become a great source of strain for us. Our approaches to our marital assets differ slightly. To provide some background - I have a child from a prior relationship and a sick mother. He has two children from prior relationships. There is a disparity in our earnings with me earning about 5 times more than my fiancé. This has never been an issue to me before and I am hopeful that we can grow together.

My partner would like to pool all earnings into one shared account from which we cover all household expenses. I am in agreement with this but have additionally proposed that we maintain separate and independent accounts to which 10% of our earnings go. This is for several reasons (autonomy, surprises, individual needs) but to primarily maintain some independence financially. We both have lost a lot in prior relationships and while I don’t want to go into a marriage planning for the worst l think it’s wise to be prepared as we have significant responsibilities.

My fiancé believes that this conveys a lack of commitment on my part and has told me that this is indicative of my readiness for marriage.

I feel heartbroken that he is suggesting delaying marriage because of this. As we are both at a sort of impasse he has proposed we flip a coin to determine an approach. I am not comfortable flipping a coin on such a big aspect of our life. As a result, he has now accused me of being uncompromising.

Am I being inflexible or unreasonable?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fabulous-Bunny6345 on 2023-09-25 23:13:01.

My dad (46m) has been a widower since my brother and I (22m and 22f) were 11. We all took it really hard when my mom died, and for the rest of when my brother and I were in middle school/high school he didn’t date at all, even though we and the rest of our family (including my mom’s parents) encouraged him to. Only when my brother and I went off to college did he start to date, though he was always pretty private about it and never introduced us to any of the women he was dating. When I’d ask him for details he’d always explain that my mom would always be the love of his life and that he didn’t have anything to share since he was dating just for companionship and not seriously.

Recently however he said that he wants to introduce me to someone he’s been seeing. I was excited for him and said I’d love to meet her… but it turns out she’s 26, so only 4 years older than me. Apparently they’ve been seeing each other “casually” (yuck) for over a year, but things became serious after they found they really liked spending time together and realized how much they have in common. I was obviously super upset because this girl is my age and so much younger than my dad, so later I confronted him and he said that he didn’t see what the big deal was, and that most of the women he’d been seeing in the past were in their late 20s, which is just… yuck.

Since then, I’ve been visiting home less and will find ways to excuse myself when she’s around. My dad called me out on it and said that he understands that it’s probably not easy for me to see him dating someone after so long, but that he would really appreciate it if I would put in more of an effort to get to know her or at least be civil.

AITA?

Eta: To all the people saying that I’m being shallow for judging her based solely on her age, that’s not why I’m upset. I actually like her and I think they have a lot of hobbies/interests in common. What makes me not want to be around is the fact that my dad (by his own admission) was pretty much solely dating girls in their 20s, even though our family had offered to set him up with plenty of attractive, smart, fun women his own age. And it’s like if my own dad is uninterested in dating a woman in her 40s, what does that mean for me when I’m that age?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/butimprettywhenicry on 2023-09-26 03:55:28.

Last weekend me, my boyfriend, my friends and two of his friends went on this weekend getaway to this beautiful beach town. We had concerts lined up and rented out a huge bungalow and that's why we bought so many people with us. Me and my friends are all 21. My bf and his friends are in their mid 20s byw.

Now my bf has this friend P who is a holistic nutritional coach. There were two incidents that muddled up the waters this weekend and both of them happened at the dining table.

1. P was helping my bf lose weight. She went on and on about cutting out sugar completely and was judgemental over every single food item he was having. She made an open ended statement at the table "I think it's better if sugar didn't exist at all. All these junk didn't exist at all". I told her to chill and a little bit of this and that isn't gonna kill anybody or affect anyone's weight loss journey. She disagreed vehemently but then I stated that I also lost 40lbs recently and I didn't do restrictive dieting. I ate everything. I ate mindfully. I worked out consistently. I don't hate my life. I don't hate the food I ate. But she said I don't know what I was talking about and discouraging everyone. I shrugged it off because I didn't want to argue anymore. People who have a problem with over eating are going to snap and gain back all weight in strict diets and I don't encourage it really.
2. We were having dinner. I have this friend J who is the type of girl who eats whatever she wants and still stays thin. We had ordered briyani that night. I always have a small appetite so I tend to split briyani into two. But J was the opp of me. She can have a whole briyani by herself and eat some more. Anyways P interrupts J while she is devouring her briyani and tells her that she shouldn't over eat like that, it's unhealthy. J is the non confrontational type but I could see how J had become upset after that comment. To break the tension, I said something like "haha it's okay, we go to the gym 6 days a week and break our back. Let her have one night with her old lover" P once again told us "yeah but she should be more aware of what she is putting inside her body. That is a ridiculous amount of food etc etc etc and went on and on about it". I snapped and said "comon P, we are on a vacation, not everyone wants to eat salads like you. Some of us just want to have fun". But then P once again stated that J shouldn't be like this be like that. I told her that I think it's inappropriate she should comment on J's eating habits. She refuted that she did the same with my boyfriend and I told her well he's your friend and idk what kind of dynamic you share, but you just met us so I think it's rude to make assessments like that. I think you should apologize to J.

P was really upset after that and started crying to her friend. My bf thinks I should have just let it slide as she only had good intentions but my friends think she deserved it. It felt like having a therapist with is who was constantly psychoanalyses us. It was tiring. There were other incidents where she made subtle comments about food as well btw.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OkMulberry7048 on 2023-09-26 01:51:34.

My sister recently sent out the invitations to her wedding. Once I received mine I asked her whether or not she also sent one to her biological dad. They are mostly estranged and she sees him maybe every once year.

Our mom and her dad got together when I was around 2 and separated when I was 10 (my sister was 3) after her dad got sent to prison. He was in prison for quite some time and didn't pay my mom any child support for his 3 kids even after he got out.

Her dad was pretty much the only dad I ever knew (I've never met my own bio dad), but that includes a lot of bad memories. She only thinks of him like a guy that was never around whereas I remember him as aggressive, drunk, controlling, and him breaking my mothers heart. Myself and my siblings grew up in poverty because this man got himself sent to prison.

I hate him and have refused to see him up to this point. My sister and one of our brothers have been trying to have a relationship with him the last few years. Which o me seems pointless and I don't support it.

I told her if he is at the wedding I won't be there. As much as I want to support her on such an important day I know if I have to be around that man I will cause a scene. I know myself well enough that I won't be able to keep my anger in check.

She's understandably upset with me that I would make her chose and has said at this point we both remain invited and that she hopes she can convince me to still attend.

Yesterday her partner messaged me to basically call me a massive asshole for upsetting my sister and creating a problem for nothing. I think it's unfair for him to judge me considering he doesn't know the history. Am I allowed to have boundaries with the man that ruined our family and all my siblings childhoods? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HibiscusandRose on 2023-09-26 00:19:34.

A little brief background: I (31F) have a senior colleague (F50s?) who has been always condescending, rude, and sometimes very callous towards me even though I try to keep things minimal and professionally related. For example, my dog just passed away and she made a remark that "he was just a dog" and to get over it.

(Side notes: (1) She interrupted a personal convo between me and a close colleague in a private room as I started to sob and needed privacy. I was not loud FYI. The room has glass windows and she happened to be passing why and stuck her head into the door. (2) My workplace is toxic and I am looking for other jobs right now - this was the final straw.)

Today, I was having cheese tteokbokki as a comfort meal - my go-to for when I am feeling heartbroken. She just arrived to the staff lounge and I saw her side-eyeing me, and said to my face "ethnic food is so smelly" and asked me to never bring (ethnic) food again. Although I am not Korean or Korean American, I am a WOC and an immigrant so it rubbed me the wrong way and I told her that what she said was offensive.

She started to cry and I was told by another colleague I should have been kinder. AITA? Keep in mind that I do understand some people are sensitive or allergic to aromas. What bothered me is that she was talking about how "ethnic food is smelly" and telling me to not bring it anymore. It feels controlling. Apologies for any grammatical, format, and spelling mistakes on my end. Thank you for reading.

ETA: We are a small company so no HR (unforunately...) and I have attempted various times on incidents, including her telling me to get over my dog who crossed the Rainbow Bridge recently, but they believe in the whole "we are a huge family" and turn a blind eye. It is one of the biggest reasons why I want to leave. However, I have been documenting what she's doing and have considered posting on Glassdoor and similar.

ETA2: I was DMed to tell this point. I am one of the few people of color working there. Since starting to work more closely together (before it was limited interactions yet still awful ones), it has gotten worse where she has made many various remarks towards me, including microaggressive. I wasn't going to mention due to character limit and whatnot but I realize it is another huge reason why I it bothered me.

TLDR: An older and senior colleague told me that my "ethnic food" is smelly and not to bring it anymore, but I told her that sounds offensive. A part of me wants to report it (despite the fact my workplace is meh) but a part of me, due to feeling like she has always been a certain way towards me may be biased towards her.