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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRAHistoryStudy on 2023-09-21 17:52:28.

I 20F am a history major in university and I am taking a class on early Common Era Western Asia. I'm not part of the Islamic faith but we had been talking about the Prophet Muhammad and his influence over the area. We had discussions today and I referred to him just as I did in the last sentence, as the Prophet Muhammad for all of the discussions. After class, a classmate came to me, 19M, who practices Islam and told me how disrespectful I was for not adding the religious honorific after his name. (being peace be upon him). I both didn't know that was how he was referred to as within the Islamic faith and didn't feel comfortable using the honorific because I don't belong to the faith. I told him as such and he told me I was disrespectful, rude, and Islamaphobic for not doing so.

I am a pagan and would never ask my classmate to refer to my deities as Lord or Lady if we were in a classics class. But I feel horrible for both not knowing and my discomfort. AITA and am I Islamaphobic for not using the honorific?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Solid-Pass8944 on 2023-09-21 21:04:55.

My daughter is getting married, and she wishes to have a destination wedding and told her no. My wife feels I should do it because we can afford it, but I find it to be a pointless showing of wealth. Now my daughter is not talking to me, nor is my wife. Which got me thinking should I bite the bullet and essentially burn money, and alienate family members to make my daughter's dream wedding a reality?

Edit: Forgot to mention she wants to get married in NZ, we also are from NY.

Edit: Forgot to mention she is currently asking for around 200k. This is not counting what guests would have to pay to come.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Path-Majestic on 2023-09-21 20:42:53.

I (22F) am a recent college graduate from a university that is very well known thanks to a certain character in the show “The Office.” I’m used to being teased about it, but anything related to Andy Bernard just gets on my last nerve. After four years of the SAME joke, I just see it as so uncreative and irritating that people perceive all of us like that, but it’s largely been a non-issue.

I just started working at this law firm as a legal assistant and my firm has a couple other recent college graduates. “Ally” just started a few weeks ago and is very proud of the fact that she graduated from Harvard (wears her college sweatshirts to work, has a crimson/white color theme at her desk, recounts college stories at lunch, etc.) Ever since she saw a little graduation pennant that I have pinned on my desk, she keeps teasing me with “worst Ivy” jokes and keeps calling me “Andy” even though that’s not my name. I’ve asked her several times to cut it out. Today was our monthly firm lunch where everyone introduced themselves because we had a few new people. After I gave my generic elevator pitch and said where I graduated from, she leaned over and whispered “ever heard of it?” After this, I got up and excused myself from the room because I was getting upset and she was getting on my last nerve. When Ally asked me later why I had left, I said that her “Harvard superiority complex” was showing and I didn’t want to be around her elitist nastiness. Ever since then, she hasn’t spoken to me and hasn’t made any more jokes.

However, my other coworker said that I should have been the bigger person and that she wasn’t trying to be nasty and to just let her be proud of where she graduated from. Now I’m wondering if I went too far. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Salty_Bedroom3696 on 2023-09-21 19:37:16.

Yesterday, there was a neighborhood event in our neighborhood park. Music, Food Trucks and a bunch of activities. Me, my wife, and 5 month old set up a blanket and camping chairs. Just wanted to enjoy the vibes and music.

Wife and I are sitting in chairs. Next thing I know there is a dog (a lab according to a buddy with us) on the blanket sniffing my kid. I quickly jumped up and grabbed the dog by the collar and removed it from the proximity of my kid.

The owner tells me to not touch his dog. I look at the owner and just say uh uh no. Why the fuck would you think its okay to let your dog approach my kid? He tells me the dog was curious and harmless. I flip out a bit and make a mini scene, that ends with me telling the guy to get the fuck away from us. He leaves but not before calling me a fucking asshole. Was I the asshole here?

My wife says I was right and was okay with how I reacted. Some friends that were with us said I was the asshole and severely over reacted, but they are dog owners.

Edit: The dog was leashed.

Edit 2: The dog approached from behind, hence why I didn't see it coming.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/hubrismp3 on 2023-09-21 19:24:55.

I (21F) and my girlfriend (23F) have been dating for 6 months. We do not live together but we spend most weekends together so we have breakfast about once a week.

For the record, I was very aware of my girlfriend's interest in fandom as we connected over our love for the ship griddlehark from the book series The Locked Tomb. We allude a lot to our dynamics resembling that of the ship. Although I am not a fan fiction reader, I gave a try to two fanfics she sent me and while they were good it's still not my thing to read them. Often when we are spending time together I will take a peek at her screen and see that she is on ao3. It does not bother me that she is reading by any means but when we have limited time together I feel like she is paying less attention to me than to griddlehark, who she can read about the rest 5 days of the week.

However, breakfast is an important "family" meal for me and it sets the tone for the entire day. I make the breakfast usually so I set the table while she is on her phone and still "waking up". Eating in silence sucks for me so every time I try to catch her attention and try have a morning conversation with her I look at her phone screen and see ao3 and just know she's reading griddlehark. It's not always porn but I still get jealous that she is reading about two women who don't exist when she has someone with flesh and bones right near and ignoring her. I have told her countless times that her reading porn at the breakfast table bothers me but she keeps doing it, since breakfast isn't important to her. It sounds incredibly petty but it is one thing that comes up every week. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Secure-Flamingo-2026 on 2023-09-21 17:16:09.

I (24F) just moved out on my own for the first time after graduating from college. I have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost a year and a half now. I have never been in a long term relationship before, but he has been in a few. Yet, he never went to college and has been living at home his entire life.

Side note before I continue, it’ll help to know that his dad had an accident and suffered from a “brain anoxia” injury three years ago. He has to help take care of his dad with his mom as well as help raise his 14 year old brother. His dad is now fully disabled. He lost his eye sight and is considered “full time care.”

As of now, he’s been living with me 98% of the time and has not helped pay for rent, utilities, or internet. He has bought groceries twice and paid for a lot of little things (light bulbs, toaster, decor, eating out, etc.) I told him it has to change moving forward. Another note to know is that my job is an hour and a half of a commute away. His job is very different as he only commutes 30 minutes.

This past week, he asked me if it was okay for his family and hometown friend who is in the military come over for dinner. I said I prefer for it to not be on a weekday. But we would be out of town this weekend with my mom and his friend would be leaving on Monday. So a weekday was his only choice. He told me he would cook and have everything ready by the time I got home and I wouldn’t have to do anything.

I came home around 6:45 PM that day and everyone was already there. They actually had been there for almost an hour. They made themselves perfectly comfortable. It made me so mad. So i stayed quiet. I helped serve dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen for everyone, then we all chatted and they left around 8:30.

As my boyfriend and I went to bed that night, he expressed to me how he didn’t appreciate the way I acted. He even said I was acting like a bitch. I told him, “You invite YOUR family and YOUR friend into MY apartment that you don’t 100% live in yet, nor have helped pay ANY rent and have the nerve to call me a bitch because I was not in a social mood? The audacity.” I was furious. He apologized soon after, but still stood by what he said. I told him that I didn’t mean to come off that way and I’m sorry you feel that way, but you still had no right.

I understand he wants me to be close with his family, I do too, but I have my limits. He has a completely different relationship with his parents than I do with mine. So I’m trying to be accommodating and supportive, but like I said, I have my limits. Especially when it comes to my home.

I then proceeded to tell him the next day that it is now a boundary for us that as long as he lives with me in my apartment, family or parents (on both ends) can’t come over on weeknights. If I’m working from home, then we can discuss, but otherwise the answer is no. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Think_Wolverine3536 on 2023-09-21 20:03:31.

My brother is a deadbeat dad to two of his kids, his oldest two sons. He abandoned his ex and went out of his way to make sure she didn't get child support out of him. By the time his oldest would be old enough to start figuring shit out she moved so they could have a fresh start and not have to worry about possibly finding out how much he didn't want to be their dad. She also cut me out of their lives, which I got. The younger brother of the guy who was giving her and her kids the middle finger after creating both those kids is probably not someone you fully trust.

The boys and I have contact now that they are both adults. My brother is not aware of this. We are mostly estranged and I don't think very highly of him. I'm a single dad and would never abandon my kids.

My brother got married 5 years after he abandoned his sons. His wife wanted to meet me when they got engaged and made a very big deal out of us not being close and me saying no to meeting her several times. She pushed me on the reason why and I said I didn't respect deadbeat parents. She said he wasn't a deadbeat and his ex kept him away from the kids. I told her that was a lie and he had gone out of his way to sever his obligations to those boys. She didn't believe me. I told her I was present during fights between him and his ex. That I had heard him say he didn't give a shit about those boys. She dismissed what I said.

They got married and now they have some kids together. I don't even know how many for sure.

A few weeks ago she reached out to me and said my brother had admitted to abandoning his older sons and made sure she never got a cent from him. She was saying how wrong that was but now that she knows she feels like the kids should all meet and she's going to find the boys and tell them they need to meet their siblings. I was like are you serious and told her she should not track down the kids he abandoned to tell them they need to meet the kids he didn't abandon. She defended what she wanted and said her kids deserve to know them and two grown men should want to know their family.

I told her she had no business interfering in this when it has nothing to do with her. I reminded her that yes, her kids are related biologically but leave it for them to decide in the future. Do not try rubbing this in their faces. What she doesn't know is my nephews already know my brother had more kids. They don't care. They have said they will never want a relationship with them.

She said it has everything to do with her and I'm being an ass. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sudden-Difference767 on 2023-09-21 19:34:23.

My daughter, Alexandra (14F), hates any shortened version of her name. This has gone on since she was about 10. The family respects it and she’s pretty good about advocating for herself should someone call her Lexi, Alex, etc. She also hates when people get her name wrong and just wants to be called Alexandra.

She took Spanish in middle school. The teacher wanted to call all students by the Spanish version of their name (provided there was one). So, she tried to call Alexandra, Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her and the teacher respected it. She had the same teacher all 3 years of middle school, so it wasn’t an issue.

Now, she’s in high school and is still taking Spanish. Once again, the new teacher announced if a student had a Spanish version of their name, she’d call them that. So, she called Alexandra, Alejandra. Alexandra corrected her but the teacher ignored her. My daughter came home upset after the second week. I am not the type of mom to write emails, but I felt I had to in this case.

If matters, this teacher is not Hispanic herself, so this isn’t a pronunciation issue. Her argument is if these kids ever went to a Spanish speaking country, they’d be called by that name. I found this excuse a little weak as the middle school Spanish teacher actually was Hispanic who had come here from a Spanish speaking country and she respected Alexandra’s wishes.

The teacher tried to dig her heels in, but I said if it wasn’t that big a deal in her eyes that she calls her Alejandra, why is it such a big deal to just call her Alexandra? Eventually, she gave in. Alexandra confirmed that her teacher is calling her by her proper name.

My husband feels I blew this out of proportion and Alexandra could’ve sucked it up for a year (the school has 3 different Spanish teachers, so odds are she could get another one her sophomore year).

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fit-Comedian-7640 on 2023-09-21 15:20:53.

EDIT: for a birthday I am NOT* invited to

I (F27) live with my boyfriend in an apartment.

Last week he told me excitedly that he was invited to our neighbours (M80) birthday reception. I understood I was not invited. This was confirmed as he forwarded me the invitation that he had received from our neighbour. I don’t know why he sent me this.

I thought it was weird but I didn’t express it. Then my boyfriend asked me to think about what he should gift him. This question annoyed me. Since I am not invited to the reception, I don’t want the mental duty of thinking of a proper gift. I ignored the question.

My boyfriend has lived in the apartment for 2 years and I moved in this february. He is way more extroverted than I am and chats with the neighbours a few times a week. I speak to them sometimes, but not a lot.

Last night he asked me again to think about what he should gift them. I told him I didn’t want to help him with a gift for a reception that he, our neighbours and several other people in the building will be attending, while I am left alone at home. I was annoyed and upset.

My boyfriend argued that it makes sense since I don’t seek a relation with them. He pointed out that the neighbours have invited us over for a glass of wine several times (by mail to my bf), which I have never attended. Although I admit I have never been eager to join them, I have never delined these invitations. My boyfriend has declined on my behalf, without asking me if I’d like to come first. He has gone without me a few times before I moved in and one time while I have been living here, while I was out with friends.

My boyfriend does not understand where I am coming from. He does not understand that I think it’s weird that our neighbours only invited him, since I don’t talk much to them and his request with the gift was just if I had something at the top of mind, which makes it a fair request, according to him. He thinks I am being overly sensitive.

So, AITA for being upset about not being invited to the reception and my boyfriends request for help with the gift?

I am genuinely curious to know if it is just me who find this situation odd

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chemist1928 on 2023-09-21 17:47:59.

I (28m) recently finished my PhD and my income rose significantly (from $35,000 to $73,000). My wife (26f) also moved jobs and increased her pay (from $40,000 to $50,000.) We recently welcomed our third child into our home, and our daycare expenses rose to $1000 a month, which ends up being a little less than half of my wife's take-home pay. Also for context we share finances completely, so when I say "my pay" or "her paycheck" to us it is really just our money.

My wife told me that she would like to stay home with the children following this school year (she works as a teacher). I told her we could try to make it work and we started budgeting to live on only my income without her check. We still pay daycare with her check, but that is all. The rest of her check we pay extra on our debt ($40,000 in consumer debt, 110,000 mortgage debt). The last month we have been able to do this, but it is much tighter financially than we would like to have it. If you notice, our incomes combined a couple years ago totaled $75,000, which is close to my income alone now. So we are essentially living on our old incomes, but with 3 children to care for and with significant inflation.

I am sad that we are struggling so much with this new budget. I want to tell my wife that I'd like her to continue to work so that we can have an easier life with more margin. I am worried, however, that it would be an asshole move to tell her to keep working when I know she is a great mother and is really struggling with wanting to stay home with them. The only other option we have as far as money is to reduce our retirement contributions to give us more margin (I contribute 8% pre-tax, employer matches 8%, then I do an additional 8% in Roth). I don't want to reduce these contributions because I want us to be able to retire comfortably.

WIBTA if I told my wife that I am not comfortable with our budget on only my income, and that I would like her to continue working to give us more financial margin in our lives?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Calm-Albatross9859 on 2023-09-21 17:12:59.

I was 8 when I lost my mom to cancer. She knew her time was coming and I was told about it by my parents. It was a pretty traumatic time and some memories stuck while others faded. But I will always remember waking up in the middle of the night and hearing my mom ask my dad to take time after she died to move on. She said she knew I would need that and he needed to be there for me and to put me first. She also admitted she was scared that he was going to forget about her because he wouldn't want to deal with his pain. She said she didn't want to be forgotten or replaced. I don't even remember if my dad said anything. But I knew my mom was crying while she was talking and I was crying too. She wasn't wrong. I had already started falling apart when I knew she wouldn't be there anymore.

My dad dated almost as soon as my mom was in the ground and 6 months later he introduced me to the woman who would be his second wife. There was no support for me during that time. He focused on doing everything mom feared he would. His second wife from the get go was like "I'm going to marry your dad and I'll be his wife and your new mom". The next few years were awful and I hated my dad for moving on so fast, too fast for me, and for doing his best to make mom the past and replace her with his second wife.

It was only 2 years ago when things got better. My grandparents intervened on my behalf after being ignored for years. It helped so much to have them step up and do what needed to be done for me. I was lost. Barely making it through school and my friendships were almost non-existent because I was so depressed. I actually ended up diagnosed with depression.

My dad's wife thought that would be when I would start coming around to her and letting her in. But I still have no interest in a second mom or pretending she's anything more than some woman my dad is married to. He doesn't really care either but he'll do whatever she wants so we all started therapy together a year ago and after four months the therapist wanted her to leave and for it to be just dad and me. It really hasn't been going anywhere. But then last week his wife was determined to join us again and the therapist was like, you know what, speak up (to me) and say everything you have said in our 1:1 sessions. So I did. I told my dad he failed me by moving on too fast. I said he betrayed mom by making sure her biggest fear came through and by not doing the right thing by me, the child she gave him, his only child. I said he was hardly a dad to me since mom got sick. I told him he hadn't realized I was depressed, he didn't seem to care either, and he pretty much spat on my mom's grave with his actions.

The therapist told him that he should care way more than he does and told his wife she unrealistic with her expectations and needed to let them go. It was afterward they both got mad and told me I had been cruel and not honest.

I'm now at my grandparents house but they still text to say I'm wrong.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Conscious-Return-324 on 2023-09-21 15:54:39.

Original Title: AITA After my FIL scolded us for only getting my husbands step mom a sweater for Christmas, and demanded we give her a gift card later that week, I don’t want to get them gifts for Christmas anymore. AITA?

My husbands family is Jewish. His stepmom is ca non-practicing catholic but acts like she’s religious. I’m Catholic as well. When I met my husband I thought it was nice they also celebrated Christmas. However, after last year, I see it’s just about gifts to my in-laws. They obviously don’t celebrate the true meaning let alone make it all about spending QT with family. My MIL (hubs step mom) received a sweater from us. I was so excited bc the woman has everything you can imagine, and my husband always gifts gift cards which I think are lame if you have really good gifts in mind. I found a gorgeous cashmere sweater just as blue as her eyes and was so excited to give it to her. It was obviously expensive as it’s a luxury item, but on sale, it was the same amount we always spend on each of them ($150). My husband said, “that’s not a good idea. I know my dad.” I said, we’ll great, it’s not for your dad and I know your stepmom will love it!”

FF to Christmas. She opens the gift, across the room, FIL stared and didn’t say anything. To him, it was “just a sweater” — as though we spend less on her than everyone else. To me, it was a gorgeous luxury sweater as blue as her eyes that she probably wouldn’t have bought for herself on a whim.

That night, we fell asleep. FIL had the audacity to call my husband in the middle of the night to demand we tell his stepmom that we forgot to include a gift card along with her gift.

In the morning, my husband told me what happened. I was furious. Who does that???? And while I’d never expect to defend a “gift” I was so mad my husband didn’t tell his father he was being ridiculous, and incredibly out of line. I was so mad he didn’t just straight up tell him, it is cashmere, we spent the same on everyone, and she is free to return it as the gift receipt was included. And to have a merry Fkng night.

It caused a big fight ON CHRISTMAS DAY. A week later, he actually dropped off the gift card to avoid confrontation. rather than setting boundaries. Another fight.

I told him, we aren’t doing Christmas gifts with them anymore, and I want to tell them why. It’s not about gifts. I put thought into everyone a gifts and I feel they are ungrateful AH’s. I also hope when I host Christmas Eve in the future they don’t come.

AITA??????

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/rumade on 2023-09-21 14:16:13.

I (33F) recently took up lane swimming at my local pool. When you book to swim, you have to pick a lane, which helps them manage capacity. I always go for medium- I'm not a superstar swimmer by any measure, but I'm there to improve and most of the time I'm matching the speed of others in the lane. I swim during the day and the slow lane often has much older people in it. If someone is swimming faster, it motivates me to push myself harder. I keep track of how long it takes me to swim 1km and I'm trying to improve that time every session. Last time it was 28:18.

This session especially I wanted to see what my true time was, as I'd done some weightlifting beforehand and wanted to see how that would affect it.

Today I booked my slot for 11am, and when I got there, there was a couple already in the lane. It was pretty quiet today tbh, with only 1 person in the slow and fast lanes, so I can understand why they took that lane. But when I started swimming, I quickly realised they should really be in the slow lane instead. For starters, they weren't strong swimmers- I kept seeing them put their feet down to the bottom of the pool and walk for a bit and they rested regularly at either end of the pool.

At first I tried pausing to space out our swimming, but I was finding it really frustrating. Moving across to the fast lane was not an option because the guy in there was really hauling ass. Eventually I just started pushing myself, and if the couple were in the way, I would overtake them. Towards the end they were resting more and more at the shallow end and talking and they looked uncomfortable before they left.

Here's why I might be an asshole: at one point, before I said "fuck it" and started overtaking them, I was swimming behind the guy at my normal pace and he started walking along the bottom. I end up kinda putting my hands in the air in a "come on ref!" style while looking at the lifeguard and imploring her to tell the couple to move lanes. I feel like that was unnecessary.

I also never just clearly said to them "would you mind moving into the slow lane?". They were speaking to each other in a non-English language (I think they were Filipino), so there's also a chance that they don't know the swimming culture here. And at the end of the day, it's just swimming, and it's not really fair for me to make someone uncomfortable. We all paid the same and we're all there to swim.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/sharingishouserules on 2023-09-21 14:08:16.

the people involved: My husband Dan and I; we’ve been together 4 years. My (step)daughter Ava (6). She’s with us about 75% of the time. My sister Kat and Kat’s daughter Mae (8)

Kat was in a bad car accident recently & has a few months of recovery ahead of her. She’s mostly bed bound at the moment but she is home and expected to make a full recovery. Her boyfriend is taking care of her but it’s a newish relationship and everyone felt more comfortable if Mae stayed with my parents until Kat was at least independently mobile & because of their schedule, I will end up taking Mae on Saturdays and occasional Sundays.

I feel Kat is too permissive with Mae & it’s led to her being spoiled. She’s not too bad, she is a sweet kid but she’s also very entitled & a strong believer of “what’s mine is mine & what’s yours is also mine” and tends to get pushy & mean if she doesn’t get her way.

The girls have known each other for over half their lives by now & I’ve seen this play out over and over before. They get along well most of the time and Ava has been very good about sharing her things but gets frustrated when Mae brings her Switch or American girl doll over and then doesn’t let her play so she in turn refuses to share too & then Mae has a fit. This has become more frequent (since before the accident). Kat’s always said “well she doesn’t have to share her things” and sure but neither does Ava & we’ve all seen what happens when she doesn’t. And Kat dismisses it every time. Of course Ava doesn’t want to share when that happens, she’s old enough to see that Mae isn’t fair to her but she can’t understand why.

I knew this would be a problem between them if Mae brought over any of her special items but Ava is fine sharing when Mae isn’t dangling something in front of her. So Dan & I prevented it. She just isn’t allowed to bring toys or electronics over at all.

My parents mentioned it & Kat is furious and has been calling to tell me how unfair we are, that we’re punishing her daughter for not letting people walk all over her and that I was undermining her lessons on being “assertive”. She said she didn’t spend her money on things for other kids to play with & that I wasn’t a real mom so I couldn’t understand. I got upset & told her that if she wasn’t going to teach her kid to treat others the way she insisted on being treated, then this is what it had to be. Ava’s feelings matter too & this will eventually sour their whole relationship. And we’re trying to mitigate that until she does her fking job.

We kept arguing and I told her that if she had a problem with my rules, she could come over and do something about it (which… she can’t) or she could stfu. And then we ended up just yelling & calling each other names until I hung up.

I’m still mad & obviously Dan agrees with me but my mom is guilting me about stressing Kat while she’s recovering & essentially calling her a bad mother & Kat definitely called me worse things than an AH so I’m curious what the objective opinion is

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Xerus01 on 2023-09-21 12:05:03.

Hello,

I come from an Arab predominantly Muslim country (Algeria) and I started dating someone from a western country. I’m atheist and I don’t care about religion and traditions, however I care about my family and my country.

I have a YouTube channel that’s doing well and I’m planning to face reveal once it reaches 100k subs which will be in a month or so.

Today my girlfriend wanted me to share on my story where I have family and friends a picture of us kissing. I don’t want to do that because it will reach my close family and if I go public with my channel that’s like a scandal in my country. There are 0 pictures of any celebrity publicly displaying any affection, Ryad Mahrez once made a controversy on social media with pictures of him and his girlfriend kissing.

Nobody knows that I’m atheist, that I drink alcohol or that I have a girlfriend. My mom is a religious person and if she finds out I have a girlfriend it means that I’m having sex outside of marriage which means I’m going to burn in hell. I was religious for 19 years and I know exactly what it means to her. That would break her heart and she will have a lot of sleepless nights. But my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum and compared it to prince Harry, how can I explain to her that it’s not the same thing? The culture is widely different. She seems very hurt by this fact and to me that’s a huge compromise. I love her but at the same time I don’t want to leave everything behind. Am I the asshole in this situation ?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Beautiful_Assist_365 on 2023-09-21 14:40:22.

I (F30) is single and childfree by choice. I date occasionally but no long term relationships. This is due to many reasons like I love my freedom, I want to enjoy my life unencumbered with responsibilities and want to really focus on my career.

My older brother (M34) got married when he was 26. He has two kids (F7, F4). They had a traditional household. He wanted a partner who stayed home and looked after the family while he earned. She had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children.

But during last couple of years she showed signs of hating it. She wanted to study more and work outside. Build something of her own. But my brother refused to step up or help. I warned him once but he told me it's none of my business how he runs his household. I kept my mouth shut since.

His wife left him a month ago. She just wrote him a letter saying she can't do this and want to explore her life. She left kids with him and basically vanished. We have no idea where she is and it appears neither does her family.

Thing is my brother doesn't know how to do even the most basic things. He is the kind of guy who never changed a diaper or toasted bread. The moment my brother found that his wife left, he called my mother who rushed in to save the day. She thought it was short term and my SIL would be back, but she hasn't. My father is unwell and needs her home soon. They live hours away.

My brother suggested she take kids home with her. My dad said no. He is retired and they are both getting old. He does not want to have kids in the house full time, taking up her time and energy.

Since that was a no go, my brother asked me to either move in with them to help out or take kids in with me. I refused.

From what I see, he is a grown adult and these kids are his responsibility. I made a choice to live the way I do and I do not want to sacrifice my life for his choices.

My family is pressuring me onto this saying stuff like how my brother does not know how to take care of kids, the little girls need a women in their life, how family helps family etc.

My brother is calling me cold hearted for not even trying to help him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Laylapaloozaa on 2023-09-21 13:07:22.

I (23) have been dating my boyfriend Nick (25) for 4 years now. He had been coming to me and my sister's shared apartment more than I could even see my sister. He lived across the hall from us and we immediately clicked and started dating.

My sister, Jessica (25), loves to party and is barely home since we moved out of our parents house. She had been bringing people to our shared apartment without my consent which infuriated me, I have been paying for the rent and she did not contribute one cent because she could not get a job so the ones paying up for her were our parents. We have not been close ever since we were young. She had always been the favored child and all I get were her hand-me-downs. When I decided to move out, my parents begged me to bring her with me. They said she'd learn indepence when I live with her, with a heavy heart I decided to agree.

Everything went downhill when covid started and Jessica was forced to not leave the apartment due to our apartments strict health policy. Me and my boyfriend started seeing her more and she did not hesitate to make it obvious she was jealous of our relationship. So she started asking my boyfriend to treat her like how I got treated because he needs to 'get the approval of his future SIL.' and my boyfriend being the nice man that he is he also started cooking food for my sister, sometimes doing her laundry when I was too busy doing my work and basically also treating her as if he was her butler. I told him he could refuse but he just always tells me he needs to get on the good side of my family. And in no time, I know my sister had started falling for my boyfriend. She also had started becoming very touchy and clingy to my boyfriend. He soon had started to give her the cold shoulder to show her he's not interested. My sister would throw tantrums and call it unfair that I get to be treated like a princess and she doesn't.

My parents started blowing up my phone to tell me that I need to break up with my boyfriend because it's ruining my relationship with my sister. I told them that they should stop taking her side and she needs to stop acting like a child. They bargained with letting me stay with my boyfriend but he needs to treat my sister like a girlfriend as well which made me mad. I dropped the phone on them and confronted my sister. She said, and I quote, "maybe it's time for you to pay me back on all the things I gave to you when we were children." Meaning all the broken hand-me-downs that I received because my parents could not afford to buy me new stuff to keep up with HER lifestyle. I kicked her out and my parents had been threatening to disown me and have me 'refund' for the rent they have been paying for my sister's behalf if I don't patch things up with her and how dare I let my boyfriend ruin our family. I just ended up blocking them all. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Weak-East3479 on 2023-09-21 12:11:58.

I (24f) was best friends with Mel (24f). Players in the story: My bf Aaron (29m), Mel's bf Burp (32m), and my other friend/ roommate Aline (f24)

Backstory:My BF Aaron and I have been together for six months at this point. She was dating Burp and moved in with him.

One day at a friend’s party two months later. Mel, Burp, Aaron, Aline and I attended. We were having fun. Aline felt sick, so I took her out and sat her on a chair. I went to get her water, and when I returned, Burp stopped me, checking on me and Aline. Mel came and dragged Burp away, and they began fighting in another language; no one but them spoke. I checked on them, but Mel accused me of trying to steal her bf. Aline, Aaron, and I quickly left, not wanting to stir any more drama.

Mel came by the next day, apologizing for screaming at me and accusing me. However, Mel told me Burp kicked her out of their place. Aline and I agreed to let her stay.

Two months ago:

Mel was still on our couch two months later, hunting for a new place. That morning, Aline and I had asked Mel to start paying for her share, as our bills were getting high and unaffordable. Mel stormed out, pissed calling us the worst friends. Later in the evening, Aaron and Aline's bf came over for some drinks and game night; we welcomed Mel when she returned home to join us and acted like nothing happened (Mel was always dramatic).Mel started paying and life went on.

We started to get nasty texts and calls from friends and people we knew, telling us how disgusting Aaron was. Half of his friends aren’t talking to him, calling him awful things. Later, Aaron found threatening letters at his door and his car. He has been getting calls from people and texts from people he doesn’t know telling him to end it and how horrible he is. Aaron's family found out, and I told them the truth; they have been trying to see them, but he hides. He deactivated his socials and has been on sick leave from work since.

We were so lost to who would do this or what this is about. Then, Burp sent me a screenshot of Mel bragging to her how she was breaking me up, how this is revenge on me for ruining her relationship. She has been telling everyone Aaron cheated on me, calling him racial slurs and all other derogatory things about him.

Aline and I packed her things and put them outside the door. We changed our lock while Mel was at work. We sent her a text telling her to find somewhere else to go. Mel called Aline, asking how we could throw her out and Aline told her off.

This is where I may TA. I forwarded the text to all our friends and some of her immediate family. It got posted online with her tagged in it. Her work found out, and her school and she both been fired and suspended for the racial comments. I never intended for it to have such a large impact on her. She lost all her friends and her family is low contact with her now. She been living out her car since then...AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/unusualweirdplants on 2023-09-21 08:24:43.

My brother's 25th wedding anniversary is in 2 months. My SIL sent out an invitation last week to a party in November that reprises the wedding requesting that all wedding party members dress in the wedding party outfits. Since the wedding, I have moved states several times for school and work and currently live on the opposite coast. I was 16 when the wedding occurred and was 1 of 4 bridesmaids. I told her that I was excited to come but no longer had the bridesmaid dress. I offered to find a lavender dress reminiscent of the original dress.

She became very angry, telling me that I was the only bridesmaid that could come and that it completely ruins the party idea that I no longer have the dress. She was incredibly hurt that I would discard "such an important memory". My brother then disinvited me entirely saying that I had no right to get rid of the dress because my mom bought it so "it wasn't really yours" and that they (my brother and SIL) should have been notified and given first dibs when I decided to donate it years ago because it was such an important part of their memory of that day. Of note, my mom died 18 years ago. This was after I donated it to goodwill but, TBH, I didn't discuss the donation with her.

It never occurred to me that they would be so offended by something like this. AITA for not letting them know that I was getting rid of the dress? Should I have offered it to them when I culled my wardrobe? I'm just weirded out by this entire situation.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WhitneySkyeVIP on 2023-09-21 07:11:43.

Hey, fellow Redditors! I've been facing a bit of a dilemma with my neighbors, and I need your help to determine if I'm in the wrong here.

Background: I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood, and my backyard is a peaceful oasis where my family and I love to relax and spend quality time. We have a nicely landscaped garden, a swing set for our kids, and we've put a lot of time and effort into maintaining it.

Now, onto the issue: My next-door neighbors have three young children who are always full of energy. Lately, they've been letting their kids play in our backyard without asking for our permission. They claim that it's just harmless fun, and the kids enjoy our garden.

Here's the thing: I don't mind sharing our space occasionally, but they've been doing this without any notice or asking for our consent. It's become a frequent occurrence, and it's starting to disrupt our peace and damage some of our plants and decorations.

I politely asked my neighbors to check with us before letting their kids play in our yard, but they seemed offended and said I was being unreasonable. They argued that it's a shared space since our yards are adjacent.

So, Reddit, AITA for wanting my neighbors to ask for permission before allowing their kids to play in my yard? I just want to maintain some control over my own space and ensure it's respected. Or am I overreacting, and should I be more lenient with the neighbor kids?

I'm eager to hear your thoughts on this situation!

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GasGlittering640 on 2023-09-21 08:45:29.

My deadbeat was out of my life by the time I (21M) was 1. My mom married my dad when I was 18 months old and he adopted me. Apparently deadbeat married a few years ago and adopted his wife's daughter and then he dropped dead earlier this year. The widow was told about me and she decided I would become her daughter's big brother and basically act as though my deadbeat was my dad in any kind of way. She went through a whole ordeal to find me and she started reaching out to me on Facebook. When I blocked her there she found another social media platform and blocked me there as well. Then she tried to get my mom to talk to me and then my younger siblings, and most of my siblings are minors. One of my siblings has an art page where they post stuff and they had to close that because she was trying to access them there and yes, they are a minor.

I have zero interest or desire to meet this child or this woman. I'm sad for a kid who lost the only dad they knew and as someone who was chosen and adopted by my dad and would be inconsolable if I lost him, this child and I have no reason to have contact. This woman will not stop saying I need to have a relationship with her child though.

I ended up unblocking her and sent a message back that if she did not stop I would consult with an attorney and have a cease and desist sent to her and that I will escalate things more if she does not leave me alone.

She responded back that I should have some compassion for her daughter and threatening her with legal action is wrong given their recent loss.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ProfessionalBread870 on 2023-09-21 06:35:48.

I (F27) have just started a new job a month ago, I work 5am-1.30pm Wed-Sat in a bakery ( though I usually stay to try and help out if I can). I make the scones, pick the bread and sort out th displays ECT.

I have a coworker who is MEANT to start at 6.30am and work to 4pm doing the Cakes, muffins ect, She does not because in her own words She doesn't trust her husband to get the kids ready for school.

EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past month she complains about how she has too much to do and how she'll be late home because it's too much. And then tries to guilt me into staying longer to help her.

I finally got sick of it today (I was running on 3 hours sleep and my rotator cuff is playing up) I had an electrician coming at1.45pm so I had to leave at 1.30pm. When I told her this I started getting 'Oh I'm gonna be here till like 5pm if I'm by myself' and I snapped and told her 'I DO NOT CARE! I've been here for 8hrs and if you wanted to finish on time....you should START ON TIME' and clocked out

I feel a bit bad but I'm just over the guilt tripping and CONSTANT complaining about something she could fix

EDIT1: She starts at 9am 2 1/2hrs later than she should and usually finishes between 4.30-5pm....if she started when she should she would be out of there 4pm or earlier

EDIT2: I HAVE spoken to her multiple times in the last week about how I'm not able to stay late everyday and she needs to maybe start even a half hour earlier but she doesn't seem to listen

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AdventurousBuilder63 on 2023-09-21 07:54:40.

Hey y’all, first time on this site so forgive me for any lack of reddiquette. I was volunteering at my kid brother’s Highschool, cause his class is preparing for a concert or something, and being an alumni with a rapport with the band teacher, I decided to help set up. This was during the second period, the class before lunch. So being there I decided to stay and eat my lunch there, but when I went out back to my truck, there were four eighth graders doing there stuff in the bed of my truck. Now I wouldn’t have got to mad usually, yeah it’s annoying but they’re just stupid kids, but somehow, one of them not only cracked the back window, but he spilled my toolbox everywhere and lost a few screwdriver heads.

I yelled at them and threw their bags out of the back of my car, not before being recorded though. Turns out one of their parent saw the video and is trying to get me arrested or some shit. So was i in the wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SunnyLite922 on 2023-09-21 09:21:35.

I (25F) had my first baby with my husband (25M). Our daughter is named Calla to honor my grandma. She loved Calla Lilies and always thought Calla would make a pretty name. My husband and I wholeheartedly agree with that and the name seemed perfect for our little girl.

The choice to name her Calla instead of Elizabeth, my grandma's actual name, was a controversial one among my family. You see, there are pretty much only 3 or 4 names for each sex circulating within my family. Everyone is named after everyone and always the exact same first name and usually last. It's a pain in the butt and not something my husband or I wanted to keep up.

My grandma even hated it. My grandpa was a very domineering man and he chose to name their kids names that already existed in his family. She had zero say and she hated it. I remember complaining to her one day that I hated sharing my name with four other family members I saw all the time. She told me every person deserves their own name and she never liked how our family had to all have the same names. This is when I also learned how hard my grandpa was on her and how he basically treated her like shit and made decisions for her when they were married, which was pretty much pressured by both their families.

She was the one who told me about honor names being more special if you don't use the actual name but something about the person or what they loved. So maybe a virtue name based on a virtue for the loved one or their favorite flower or plant, place they loved or their birth month/stone.

We lost her two years ago and it was awful. My husband adored her too and she adopted him as a grandkid when we were kids (he and I were best friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend). For us both it made sense to honor her and doing it how we felt was better but also how she felt was better.

My family have really pushed the idea that we were wrong to name her something weird that is not Elizabeth and they say I should not say we honored grandma. I never asked for their opinions but they gave them and would not stop giving them and insulting the choice we made. So I snapped and told them my daughter's name is none of their business so they should keep their unwanted opinions to themselves. They told me there was no need to be rude and I should be willing to hear honest feedback from people who love us. They claimed naming is very much a family business in my family and I should also know and respect that.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Clizosws on 2023-09-21 09:40:26.

She(20f) and I(20m) have known each other for many years now.

Yesterday, she came to my house with tears in her eyes. I asked her what's going on. She told me that she got pregnant after a one night stand. I was shocked at first but then told her I'm here for her and will help her through this how I can. Then she told me she doesn't want some random dude from Tinder helping her raise her child.

She asked me if I would sign the birth certificate when she gives birth and help her raise her baby, because she doesn't want the baby to 'grow up a bastard.'

I just stared at her, asking her if she's joking. She was serious. She begged me, telling me I would do this for her if I care about her. I told her I'm not going to sign up for 18 years of financial responsibility for someone else's child. I told her that I'll be happy to be the child's fun godfather and buy gifts and spoil the kid once I start making that sort of money, but I'm not going to be dad. She got mad at me after that and raised her voice but I told her to leave before she could start shouting at me. Wasn't shouting at me yet, but close to.

Her other friends later said I should've let her stay and try to comfort her since she was panicking over this massive change in her life.