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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/nahhhf on 2023-09-18 19:06:15.

My (F17) mother died when I was 12 and I could never get over it. But my father (m45) was on a whole other page as he almost instantly meet this woman "Brooke" and they got engaged. I grow resentful for the fact that he got over my mom's death so easily. I never liked Brooke to be honest. She never did efforts to make me like her nor did I. Even if we never had a friendly relationship she keep insisting on telling people that she is my mother, it triggered me badly and this has been for years.

I talked with my dad about it and he said that I was overthinking, that Brooke just wanted to have a mother-daughter relationship with me. I got irritated and demanded him to put her a stop, he said he would talk with her about it. Despite Brooke not being like the typical evil stepmother I never got to like or become fond of her and she has always been a stranger to me. My dislike towards her is more leaning towards the fact that she can't stop saying that she's my mother.

I might be the AH because of this - Brooke's friends were visiting her. My dad told me to go greet them and so I did. I got inside the kitchen where Brooke and her friends were and greeted them. A friend of hers said: "How big is your daughter now, Brooke!" I felt so annoyed but I politely said: "Thank you. But I'm not her daughter." Everyone got silent and I just said goodbye and went off the kitchen. Later that day my father began to scold me for being rude to Brooke and her friends. He said that I made Brooke cry and that I lacked of tact and that she is my mother now. I said that she wasn't my mom and she would never be, I also told my father to fuck off and stop bothering me.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ExpensivePrompt9836 on 2023-09-18 19:07:25.

I (34F) and my wife (40 also F obviously) have two children, twin girls aged 5. They are the best things that have ever happened to us. We live next door to a couple “Fumiko” and her husband “Jiro”. They are in their 70’s and moved here from Japan to be closer to their son about 20 years ago. Fumiko and Jiro adore the girls. They are so good with them. Always making them special foods, coming outside when they see them to say hello, letting them help in their garden (which is more nuisance than help lol) and much much more. In return, the girls LOVE them. My wife jokes that they probably like them better than us. One time my wife had a broken leg that required surgery and they kept the girls overnight. It was all they talked about for weeks. They call them Granny and Papa J. We are so lucky to have them.

My own parents on the other hand, are not close to us and never will be. They never fully accepted that I married a woman and only begrudgingly came around when the girls were born. I wouldn’t say their granddaughters are close with them. They were here this weekend and saw an Omamori charm on one of my girls backpacks. This is particularly special- Fumiko and Jiro had gone to Japan for a few weeks over the summer and brought them back for protection for the girls. They worry about them in school given uh, America. My wife and I are agnostic but were deeply touched by the gesture.

My mom asked what it was and one of the girls told her proudly and that “granny gave it to her.” My dad looked at me and said “why do you let them hang out with those insert racial slur so much?” I pretty much fricken lost it. Said what I said in the title, didn’t allow arguments and kicked them out of my house. My wife said she was proud of me.

Today my mom said she was “expecting an apology for breaking her heart” and all I can think about is cutting them off for good. They are the girls grandparents though, maybe only in name but still. It feels like a huge step, and a permanent one and I just don’t know. Am I the a for saying what I said? For possibly cutting them off? I could set harsher boundaries, maybe.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Emergency-Towel-7731 on 2023-09-18 18:49:24.

I was travelling with my baby on a 10 hour flight last week. It was her first time on such a long flight and she did very well. I bought along things that would make it easier for her and me to experience the flight.

When we boarded the plane - we were one of the last ones but did not cause delay - I heard some one say something about being annoyed by the presence of a baby but I paid them no mind and focused on getting us comfortable. At take off, I feed her to try prevent ears popping and its largely successful but she does cry for a few minutes - literally - but I just stuck my nipple in her mouth again and it pacified her. She falls asleep for 90 minutes. When she's awake - she's doing some baby babble and largely keeping herself entertained. I also play with her which invokes loud laughter for about 5 - 10 minutes before we quieten down.

Food is served, people eat and lights are dimmed for sleep. She lies awake in her little basket babbling to herself until we his some violent turbulence which causes a couple of screams in the cabin, scaring my baby. I think it's all a bit much for her and she just cries. I think she spends the better part of 15 minutes crying and there's not a lot I can do to calm her while the turbulence periodically continues. I do my best to soothe but she just tires herself out and slept for some hours. After I was sure she was down, I stood to stretch and walk up and down the aisle when a passenger makes a snarky comment about how relieving it is to be free off the wails of my 'crotch gobblin', but how some of us don't deserve to suffer because not all of us signed up for 'this shit'. I said 'excuse me?', hoping she'd withdraw but she went on about how annoying my baby is, how selfish I am for choosing a busy flight, punishing people who paid more (we were in premium economy, hardly first class but ok) and disturbing other passengers and not having the decency to prepare them all a care package for the inconvenience of having to ' tolerate my brat and I'.

This is where I may be the TA. I called her a vapid c**t. I told her my baby is a human being and she has as much right to occupy a public space as anybody else. I told her I don't have to bribe them with care packages when I bought my seat on this plane like everyone else. I said she's been on her best behaviour and if the turbulence is enough to scare adults, how the fuck does she expect my baby to deal with it? I was speaking louder than I realised - though not yelling b/c my baby - and the air hostess came and asked for us to remain civil. I apologised, turned away and carried on with my business before returning to my seat. When I returned to my seat, someone nearby said I was very rude for calling the lady names and I could have given people ear plugs and little treats as a gesture of good will. I told her not to piss me off; if she wanted to control the environment completely, she should have chartered a private jet.

I just hate this trend where it's increasingly okay to be hostile to children for doing what children do. AITA?

Edit for mistakes.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/asmilingbanana on 2023-09-18 18:23:35.

A friend of mine comes over to mine to stay from time to time (probably every month or so) before leaving the next day for a flight in my city. I didn’t mind hosting her before but now that she’s staying over more often, I also notice that she usually arrives hungry. Out of courtesy, I ask if she wants food and she always says yes and proceeds to eat quite a bit.

My culture always prioritizes making sure the guest is well taken care of and isn’t hungry, so I feel morally obligated to ask her if she wants food. However, it’s starting to get annoying because she doesn’t ever bring anything in return and almost seems like she expects it, because the other week she blurted “I love that I can rely on you for food because the other friends don’t always have food in their fridge”.

That really bothered me so I almost wanted to tell her that I don’t want to offer her food anymore since I’m already offering accommodation out of kindness. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/bleachdyeproblem on 2023-09-18 18:11:25.

So I have a weird problem and after I told my boyfriend he told me this sub would be the perfect place to get help on.

So I (25 F) am meant to be in the bridal party of my friend Zoe’s (26 F) wedding in December 2024. A couple days ago, she met with me and the rest of the bridal party to discuss what the plan was for hair, makeup, dresses, etc. At first it seemed reasonable. She’s going for a winter wonderland type of theme, so blue dresses (all in different shades, lined up as a gradient) with silvery accents, snowflake jewelry and soft makeup, even blue contacts for those of us without blue eyes. Last one’s a bit weird, but it’s no big deal to me, I’ve worn color contacts for Halloween.

The bit that ended up being an issue for me is that Zoe requested we all get our hair dyed. A couple members of the bridal group are natural blondes (with dyed ends), and so is Zoe (but she wants to go platinum for the wedding), but the rest of us are two brunettes, a strawberry blonde (she wasn’t “blond enough”?), and a redhead. I’m one of the brunettes and I’m the only one in the group who has never dyed or bleached their hair. I’ve considered it, but I can never stay settled on what I want to do, and I’d hate to spend money on something that I end up hating. On top of that, my mom spent from ages 5-13 flat ironing my hair almost every single day. It really damaged my hair. I’m almost certain it’s resulted in my hair being thinner than it used to be. I know bleaching can also damage your hair, and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk yet.

I told Zoe I wouldn’t be able to dye my hair. She insisted it would be fine, as my hair seemed quite healthy and she would be paying for the bleaching treatments for all of us. I again said no, thanks so much, but I can’t. I asked if I could just wear a wig and she said no, that wigs are cheap and unnatural, and she wants us to have our real hair bleached instead of some cheap imitation for the day. After more back and forth, she told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision and that I’d be ruining the photos and wedding video that she and her fiancé (30 M) will be putting together for his grandparents (84 M & 82 F) to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina. I apologized, paid for my meal, and left.

I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I?

Edit: For a little clarification on how things stand and what’s expected, I’m a 6-7 on the hair color scale. The other brunette is a 5. Zoe wants the six of us to be at 9-10. She only wants herself to be platinum. She currently sits at a 10 on the scale. Also, I do not have dark eyes. My eyes are green. Two of the other girls do have light brown eyes though.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Organic_Mode774 on 2023-09-18 16:13:48.

TLDR at the bottom

I 24F just went on a trip with my 24F best friend. We have been best friends for 6+ years with minimal but normal conflict along the way. We are generally both really good at communicating and resolving things. We have also traveled together previously with minimal issues.

My friend is on the autism spectrum which sometimes presents sensory and social issues for her. She has improved dramatically over the years but still sometimes struggles.

On this trip, she was rigid and inflexible, and when things didn't go according to plan she would pout and whine like a child. It really threw me off and I felt like I had to be ten steps ahead to make sure things didn't go wrong or she would get upset. More than a few times this was blamed on her autism. When we returned and her mom picked us up from the airport, the whining intensified and she even started yelling at her mom in the car, which is really odd for her and I was appaled. I knew we were both tired but her mom was really helping us out and she was treating her so poorly.

I really tried to accommodate her (doing what she wanted, eating where she wanted, taking middle seats on planes so she wouldn't be close to a stranger, etc.) But it never seemed like enough and she seemed pretty unhappy for most of the trip.

After we got home, I took SIX DAYS to write a message to her, to make sure I was gentle and concise. I commended her on how she has improved on these things over the years, but stated that it really took away from the trip for me. I reassured her that I still wanted to be friends and travel together, but I was hopeful that she would work on being more flexible, positive, and appreciative of the people in her life.

She got extremely upset, told me the criticism was unfair and I basically called her a mean, inflexible child (I was so careful to be kind and focus on behavior, not making it about her overall character) she didn't want to travel together anymore, canceled on upcoming plans to see a concert, and has ghosted me since.

Am I the asshole for giving her potentially unfair criticism? Should I have left it unsaid and just not traveled with her again?

TLDR: traveled with a friend who behaved very poorly imo. Spoke to her about it afterwards and now she doesn't want to be friends. Am I the asshole for criticizing my friend?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Downtown-Soup-1782 on 2023-09-18 15:14:42.

My husband (31m) and I (27f) are about half way through pregnancy with our first child. I was adopted at birth. They couldn't have their own children. With that being said, my mom has been super involved in my pregnancy wanting all the details since she never got to experience it herself. So far it hasn't been an issue. She hasn't wanted to go to my appointments with us. I have sent her weekly updates on the size of baby and what new things baby is developing that week along with sharing all of my weird pregnancy symptoms etc. But, a friend of hers told her how cool the ultrasound scan is that you get half way through the pregnancy is and since then, my mom has wanted to come to this appt with hubby and I.

A little bit of background. My grandmother was an extreme narcissist and because of this my mom will show those same narcissistic traits. Particularly, when she disagrees with a feeling you have about her. It was like walking on eggshells as a child and I learned to hide my feelings and lie about them in order to survive. Since then she has started taking medicine for her depression/anxiety and things have been a lot better. But she still has times where she will revert back to gaslighting and manipulation. Needless to say, she was never really the emotionally available parent.

I don't want her at my ultrasound. For one I want to enjoy the moment with my husband just the two of us. And my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage. This pregnancy my biggest fear is going to this ultrasound and finding out I had lost the baby. After the miscarriage, she spent the next several months critisizing the amout of pregnancy tests I took.

Here's where I might be the ass. In order to protect her feelings, I lied. I told her I could only have one person in the room with me. I knew I had pissed her off when she stopped talking to me. At this point, I didn't know she knew I had lied. So I thought maybe if I tell her while she can come in during labor, just not the pushing part, that it might make her feel better. Her response to this was "I don't believe I will be there for any of it. I will just see the baby after ya'll get home." So I tell her I'd like for her to be there and the invitation is open. She replies that she does not feel welcome or wanted and she will "back up and stay out." This is when she says she knows I lied, that there can be 3 people in the room. I admit I lied and explained my reasoning and offered to video chat instead. She just keeps saying how its not like shes a stranger, implying she is not important to me, and how this has been so very very hard for her. I finally gave up trying to reason with her and told her I love her, she is important to me, and if she decides she wants pictures to let me know. I have not heard from her since. I can't help but think I could have handled the situation differently. However, if I hadn't lied the blow back would have probably been just as bad.

AITA for not wanting my mom at my u/s?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Consistent-Army-925 on 2023-09-18 18:20:50.

It sounds weird and I may very well be the AH, but I’m not sure I regret it even so.

Background: My mom died when I was 4. My dad remarried when I was 7. We’ll call my stepmother Sheila. Sheila is the personification of the tradwife trope and while she’s not Quiverful movement, she comes from a similar background. Basically, her entire self-worth is wrapped up in how many kids she has and how nice her house is kept. She has a lot of disdain for “career women”, especially unmarried, childless ones. Needless to say, I do not like or agree with Sheila and I have no idea what my dad sees in her. My mom was the opposite. My teenage years were one long, constant argument because (1) I have refused numerous times to be adopted by Sheila, (2) I have 6 half-siblings and I refused to help her raise them, and (3) I am pretty much everything Sheila disapproves of. My dad tried to mediate as best he could but it was a difficult situation.

Needless to say, I do not go home often. I keep in contact with my dad, but I ignore anything from Sheila unless it’s an emergency. I completed my surgical residency not long ago, so I took some time off for a vacation and a quick visit with my dad before I really get stuck into my practice. I agreed to come to their house for a cookout, knowing that I would probably be annoyed but it was something nice my dad wanted to do for me.

Now, I don’t have children or a partner. I love my career and I like being solo. Still, when I was in undergrad I figured if I’m not going to use my eggs, someone might as well get some use out of them. So I did 3 rounds of egg donations and put the money towards med school. As a result at last report I have 8 biological offspring.

Sheila decided to start her usual “When are you going to settle down?”, nonsense, and I was set to ignore her as usual, but then she said “Don’t think you’re better because you have money, a woman’s worth is in her home and children.”

I said, “Well, that would mean I’m still better than you because I have more bio-children than you do, a nice home, AND a successful career.

She just stared at me for a minute and left. She didn’t come back outside while I was there. My dad called later to ask what happened and said that even though she shouldn’t have started the conversation in the first place, it was a low blow. She couldn’t have more children after the last one, and she was very upset to be reminded of that, plus she has always thought that I look down on her. I do, but not because of her lifestyle choice, more so because she’s so judgmental about it herself.

Anyway, my dad wants me to apologize. A couple of the older half-siblings have sent me radioactive texts about it. I think she walked in to that one, but given her fertility issues and knowing how much self-concept she has wrapped up in a big family, it might have been a little over the line.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/shawty_got_low_low on 2023-09-18 17:52:20.

My (40m) very pregnant wife (36f) is one of the purest women I know. She doesn’t have a mean, or malicious bone in her body. My mother and my aunt are second generation immigrants, as my grandmother and Grandfather met in a concentration camp during WWII and were liberated and came to America. Both my maternal grandparents are deceased, leading to a close bond for them.

My wife bakes on the side, and my family asks her to bake for them all the time, they pay her, and they get their baked goods. Mom and Aunt have asked my wife to re-create my grandma’s carrot cake recipe on many occasions. My wife has done this, down to perfect detail, and even my mom and aunt have said it might be better than my grandma’s.

On to the blowup. Aunt was having a birthday party at her work and asked my wife to bake cupcakes. Afterwards, my aunt said, “They were a hit, and probably your best batch yet! But did you do something different? They were lighter, and even more moist than the last couple times you have made them for us.” My wife, “Nope. Followed the recipe on my fridge as I always do.” Aunt – “No. I know my mom’s cupcakes, and you have made them perfectly before. This time you had to have used a different recipe, or ingredient. Did you use cake flour this time?” Wife – “No. This is even the same bag of flour I used the last time.” Aunt – “No. I know you did something this time. I know my mom’s recipe, and this is not her recipe.” My mom texted us later, “What did you do to the cupcakes? We want to know so that the next time we make them, we know what to do to make them taste just as good.” My wife responded with everything she had said before. I told my mother to drop it, said my wife followed the recipe, as she always does.

Later my wife was reading the recipe from the fridge, I could see she was upset, so I messaged my mom and aunt that they needed to apologize to her, because I felt they were calling my wife a liar. Mom, “We didn’t say those words. That’s rude and upsetting you would think we’re calling her a liar. Apologize to us.”

I felt I was being gaslighted and told them “Well. Until you can apologize to her for calling her a liar, don’t expect to see our daughter. We are not telling you the day we’re going in for delivery until you do.” This has set a chain of events off in my family.

I keep being told it’s petty to have this much of a blowup over a cupcake recipe, but I feel that it’s disrespectful to my wife. She says she’s not that upset, but as I said above, I catch her reading the recipe on the fridge and talking to herself about it throughout the days. I don’t want my mom and aunts behaviors to continue through to our daughter, and I fear that they may do something similar to her down the line. This is how they’ve always been. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Personal_Survey1332 on 2023-09-18 17:42:16.

My DIL has a lot of boundaries, she has high functioning autism. The first day I met her she gave a list of everything I can’t do around her and if I did she will leave of tell me off. Some of the stuff makes sense other shit just seems like a power move. There are a lot of things but one of them is no matter what you have to be on time. If not she will not let you in or leave without you.

On their wedding day me and my spouse were late due to a large crash in the city, we sat in the back when we came in ( everyone knew what happened since multiple people were affect). She chews up out in her wedding speech. Next big thing was we were five minute late to get dinner with them and she was pissed and told us to leave. Our son doesn’t do anything about it.

Today we were suppose to met them so we can drive them to the airport. We started calling them 15 minutes in to them being late. No answer, they were an hour late when they got to the spot. I told them I can’t drive them anymore since I need to get to my club and go Uber. This ended up in an argument and I called her a hypocrite. They left after I drove away and my son is calling me an asshole and I need to apologize for this.

Should I apologize?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/wineloversunite on 2023-09-18 14:17:47.

I was waiting to board a flight back home from Rome and was in boarding group 2 about 5 passengers from the gate. I waited about 10 minutes for boarding group 1 to board while my group line grew to about 50 to 60 guests(we were boarding a Boeing 777) when a large man and his wife tried to cut in front of me as our group was allowed to board the plane. As the man and his wife tried to get in front of me I said "Hey, what are you doing? the back of the line is behind all these people why don't you wait your turn and go to the back of the line" The wife replied, "What is the difference we are all going to board the plane, why does it matter where I get in line?" I replied, "Well if that is how you feel you should have gotten in line to board when everyone else did." The large man then said something under his breath and still tried to get in front of me. I said, "Excuse me what did you say?" He tried to intimidate me by glaring down at me without saying a word. I said, "It seems you have used your large stature to scare other people but I am not scared of you, now please get out of line and wait your turn!" Did I over react or should I have just let them cut in front of me?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/babilonila on 2023-09-18 17:58:13.

I got married on Saturday. My husband and me, we planned the wedding together over a span of 1 and a half years.

We wanted something special and had a lot of friends from overseas (England, Scotland, SA, Colombia, Argentina etc etc). We invited 83 people. Of those 32 were family and the rest friends.

My cousin brought his girl of 3 years. I do not know this woman very well. So I have neither anything against her nor do I like her. I am (was) indifferent.

The ceremony went by as planned. We cried. My parents cried. His parents cried. We had a little "champagne" reception before driving to the wedding venue.

Anyway. Times goes by. We eat, do the toast. Photographer comes go me to inform me, he saw cousins practicing a proposal. Me, not wanting to escalate shit, send my maid of honor to tell him that he shouldn't propose at my wedding.

She goes, tells him, and he seems to get it. Until it was time to toss the bouquet. She didn't even catch the damn thing. My Grammy did. But when I turned around, my cousin was walking towards his gf with another bouquet, tells her she is next, and goes on one knee to propose.

My family was cheering, and everyone else looked deeply uncomfortable. His gf cries and jumps, and my cousin turns around to (and I kid you not) tell the DJ to play "their song"

Before anything else could happen, I snatched the microphone and began giving a speech. I don't remember it fully. As I felt rage taking over. So here is the gist of it.

But I said something like "Congratulations, Mike and random girl I have never seen. May your marriage be as selfish as what you have just done. I see you guys don't care about the happiness of anyone but yourself . Even after asking you not to do this, you decided what you wanted was more important. Random girl, I hope you didn't have any sort of boundaries that misaligned Mike's. Because he is gonna bulldoze yours like he did with me. Mike is gonna do what Mike is gonna do. Fuck you Mike. Leave"

I was crying by that point I was sobbing. I informed venue security to escorte Mike and random girl out.

When I came back, my aunt and other cousin were gone. I managed to enjoy the rest and after that we went on a little spa weekend.

When we came back today I saw that our friends absolutely blasted Mike. But I also got a lot of messages saying, that I went to far humiliating him in front of strangers(by my family). I feel like I am swallowing crazy pills.

Aita ?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SubstanceFuzzy7242 on 2023-09-18 17:43:55.

I (24f) am the youngest of two. My sister Elizabeth is 28. Growing up she was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. While she could do no wrong, I could never do anything right where our parents were concerned. Her opinion and feelings held all the weight while mine held none at all. My parents have described Elizabeth as the perfect daughter and their dream come true. They also lived in a country with no abortion access when mom got pregnant with me. I believe because they didn't want another child or because I look like my mom's deadbeat father that I was treated as I was.

Elizabeth and I were not close growing up. Sometimes she would throw the favoritism in my face with questions "why don't mom and dad ask what your favorite food is? why do they never take you on special trips? why do you have to do chores to earn birthday and Christmas gifts?" I was 12 when I spoke to a trusted adult who said golden kids sometimes don't realize how wrong it is and can be really messed up by the favoritism but can grow to be better people. I was encouraged to keep the door open and told she might be my biggest ally. So even though I often got punished for crap she'd do, like sneaking out, I hoped.

Three years ago Elizabeth came to me and said she hated how our parents treated me and she was sorry for being insensitive as a kid. We got close which I loved. She told me she basically had no contact with our parents. I found out a few months ago that it was a lie and she was always in contact with our parents and I found this out thanks to her throwing a party to celebrate the birth of her second child. My parents were there and commented that they were glad they had a child to give them grandkids and since they would only ever have two grandkids, they could spoil them rotten. Elizabeth beamed. Elizabeth's MIL asked about me and Elizabeth scowled at her for asking. It really hurt to see her react like that.

Elizabeth asked for my help a lot. Babysit, pick up groceries, come help with the kids, etc. She would mention mom and dad and how great they were as parents and how they'd be even better grandparents. I reminded her they were terrible parents to me. She rolled her eyes the first couple of times. But then she said I was ungrateful and childish considering all they had done for her and she said it was spiteful to be angry at them after all this time. I told her I had every right to be and she said I hold onto petty shit because I'm spiteful. I brought up the fact she lied about having no contact with mom and dad and she called me childish again.

My sister's husband was injured and she started to struggle with the kids and seeing him. She asked me for help with the kids and I found out she only asked me because our parents were busy and she didn't want to inconvenience them. I refused to help her and told her she should ask our parents since I'm so ungrateful, childish and spiteful. She said I was an asshole for my response and lack of help.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Educational_Ant212 on 2023-09-18 16:23:04.

I (F38) have two daughters (F13, F8) with my husband Max (M40). Max's sister Rose (F30) has a 11 year old daughter, Anna. Rose never told us who Anna's dad is, and he is not in the picture. Max's mom helped Rose with childcare till she graduated college. Unfortunately, she (Max's mom died in 2020 due to Covid).

Rose had to leave city for a month for her work. She asked if we could take in Anna and we agreed.

In our house, my kids are responsible for washing their own dishes or putting them in dishwasher, putting clothes in laundry and cleaning up their own messes. I don't assign any chores or have them help out more cause I believe they should use that time for studying or any other activities they parttake in. But they also don't have phones and have to use laptop in common areas. So they are not goofing off. They both read a lot which I love, as a book worm myself.

They don't have bedtimes or rule to keep their rooms perfectly clean. I was raised in a house where both these existed and I hated them. Little messiness, while ruining aesthetic, won't kill me.

I do teach them all lifeskills such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, shoping etc. Even my 8 year old knows this. I just do this during vacations. I don't like taking time away during school year. They are expected to do well in school and get into activities which they do.

This was surprising to Anna when she came to live with us. Rose had strict rules about bedtime, room cleanliness, and asked Anna to help with all chores. My bookworm school oriented kids made Anna want to study more. She asked if I could help her study like I helped my kids. I said yes and she performed really well in school that month. Her As went up on our fridge with her cousins and we were all happy for her.

But when Rose came back last month and took Anna home, her grades started dropping again. Anna blamed Rose for making her work so hard and said "I hate you. I wish (me) was my mom".

Rose called and blamed me for putting ideas into her daughter's head. That she doesn't have a partner and can't maintain a perfect house like me. She said I was an AH for undermining her parenting and making her daughter "hate" her.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/little_dragon090 on 2023-09-18 16:03:39.

I was at my boyfriend’s house alone because he had to go pick something up quickly. He didn’t mention he was expecting anyone so when his friends turned up, I was caught off guard. I explained to them that my boyfriend wasn’t home and that they could come back later but they wanted to wait inside for him. I’ve known my boyfriend for a long time but we’ve only been dating for a month so I haven’t met all of his friends yet and I felt uncomfortable letting them in while he wasn’t home.

So, I told them I couldn’t let them in and they would have to come back. They asked me if I was serious and I told them yes and quickly shut the door because I didn’t want to argue with them.

My boyfriend came back 20 minutes later and let them come inside since they were sitting outside in their cars. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. His friends kept joking about how I was like a frightened mouse and that I was acting like they were going to eat me.

One of his friends is also his cousin and while I’ve seen him around my boyfriend, he’s only ever said two words to me before. He was the most visibly annoyed that I had made them wait outside. I did apologise but he kept asking me what I thought they would do to me and he wouldn’t drop it even after my boyfriend told him to shut up and leave me alone.

My boyfriend ended up kicking them out but even he thinks I should've let them in since I knew they were his friends.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Haleston on 2023-09-18 13:29:50.

My boyfriend and I are subscribed to various streaming services. There are two that only I am subscribed to and recently my boyfriend's mother asked, if she could log on to one of them in with my account information to watch a specific show. Mind you: She has my phone number and we usually communicate via text messages, but in this case she didn't ask me directly but had her daughter ask my boyfriend, who then asked me, lol. As if there was some embarassment involved on her part. I was fine with it and shared my password with her.

One day, I wanted to stream something on said platform, but an error message popped up, informing me that the number of people allowed to use the account at the same time had exceeded the limit. I was too shy to call my boyfriend's mother and ask her to let me use the platform, even though I know I would have every right to do so since I'm paying for it. The people pleaser in me won, but internally I was frustraded by it.

A couple of weeks later my boyfriend's mother asked my boyfriend (again not me) for my password on another streaming service and that's when I started to feel taken advantage of. So I responded to my boyfriend: "Honestly, I don't want to. I don't feel comfortable with her using my accounts. I don't want my use of the account to clash with hers and I'm uncomfortable kicking her out when we do end up clashing."

My boyfriend didn't like my response AT ALL. He said I needed to loosen up, it's just that one show she wants to watch and we're probably not gonna clash that many times and even if we do, I should just ask her to let me watch something.

I guess my general problem is that I would always to prefer to have my own paid account that gives me the freedom to use it when I please, instead of asking someone to share theirs with me to save some money.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dull_Sun_7260 on 2023-09-18 16:09:04.

So my husband and I are getting married this December. We’ve recently been having discussions about one particular person that I don’t want to be in the wedding. It’s his best man’s plus one. Let’s call her Katy.

So prior to about a month ago his best man (Jake) was in a relationship with my made of honor (Lily). Jake is my husband’s friend since high school, Lily is mine. We introduced them to each other shortly after me and him started dating and soon after Jake and lily started dating.

A month ago Jake broke up with Lily and nobody really knew why until it became clear that he had been hooking up with another girl - Katy, behind Lily’s back. Jake and Katy are now a couple and he wants to bring her to the wedding as his plus one.

So my husband and I got into a heated argument over it. He’s saying it’s none of our business who Jake brings as his date, everyone gets a plus one and it’s not fair that we decline his plus one.

My thoughts are that it’s bad enough that he did this to her (she’s been crying like nonstop since she found out) and she has to come to the wedding and pretend like everything is fine but he wants to bring the girl that he cheated with and my friend has to look at them, see them kiss and dance and have fun while she sits there miserable. I said he gave up the privilege to bring a plus one when he decided to take a big dump on my friend’s feelings.

Am I overreacting here or am I right to not want this person to attend?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway38028 on 2023-09-18 15:40:01.

I'm 26 and my wife is 25. I've never really wanted kids my wife always said she didn't either, so she was on the pill for most of our relationship.

almost a year ago she told me she was pregnant, we did talk about the idea of an abortion but she said she can't because her parents wouldn't be happy. Then she told me that I should propose because it was wrong if we weren't married when our kid was born. I didn't really want to get married until we were more financially stable but it was really bothering her that we weren't married so I proposed and we got married about 9 months ago.

my son was born 2 ½ months ago and I wish I could say I love him but since he was born everything has just gotten so much worse. He's always crying, I've barely been sleeping and my wife isn't helping at all. I asked her to help but she said she's still recovering from the birth.

I've started to resent her and my son and i feel really shitty for it. I just have no love for my son at all, I just do not care about him at all and I know that makes me a really awful person and I wish I cared about him but I just really don't.

I'm just so tired of life. I can't take care of a kid that I don't want on my own.

AITA?

edit: I don't blame by son at all he is a baby he can't do anything wrong. I don't really blame my wife either, it takes two people to make a kid so this is equally my fault. sorry if I came off like I was blaming them

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Southern-Judge-9111 on 2023-09-18 15:24:29.

So this started yesterday evening. My daughter is 6, and she is my only child.

Whenever I make dinner, I always serve her first. I just feel like that’s the correct way to do it. My husband protests against this sometimes, but I always shut him down. I just think it’s fair that the kids get served first.

Anyways, yesterday evening I had made fried chicken, and I gave my daughter the biggest piece. I usually give her the biggest piece so she can save some to take for lunch in the mornings, and also because I think she deserves to have it.

I gave my husband the second biggest piece, and when he saw the piece my daughter had he got upset. He said he didn’t wanna eat anymore. When I asked him why he said “As the man of the house, I should get served first”. I told him that the kids always need to eat first and he said that he doesn’t care and it’s stupid. He then said that a 6 year old like her doesn’t deserve the biggest piece because “what does she do for the household”. He then threw his plate on the ground and I had to clean it up.

When I went to bed that evening he said he was sleeping on the couch, and then said that I needed to fix my morals. Woke up this morning to take my daughter to school and when I tried to say good morning to him he ignored me.

I feel like he’s being a bit overdramatic but I don’t know. I just need a second opinion on this situation because I think this whole thing has just been blown out of proportion. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PabloGEscobar on 2023-09-18 14:17:47.

With the start of this month my GF and I moved back to my childhood home for a few months and since nobody lived in my old room for quite a while it was very cluttered. So a few weeks before we moved in I went to my old room with my dad to get rid of old stuff I didn't need anymore like old clothes and just any other junk I found in there.

In the meantime my family put some of my sisters clothes in the closets as well as other stuff I wasn't entirely sure whose they were. So while I'm there cleaning and throwing stuff away I see a woman's shirt and a jacket in one of the closets. I take a picture and send it to my GF and ask her if they are hers.

She responds: No they are your ex's.

Me: Very funny, but wrong.

At this point I put my phone back in my pocket throw the clothes away and continue clearing out the room.

Next time I look at my phone I see that my GF shortly after my last message wrote: ''They are mine yes.''

Now at this point the trash bag with her clothes along side at least 5 other trash bags are in the public bin so I didn't feel like going picking through trash trying to find them and left them there. My GF has been unhappy about this since it happened mentioning a few times that I should buy her a new one but I really don't think that's fair since I feel like it's almost entirely her fault for them being thrown out because of her joking with me in not the best moment.

Today she sent me a picture of the same/similar jacket from a store and asked if she can use my money to buy it. I responded that I am willing to pay for half of it to which she responded:'' I already paid for it once before.''

AITA for throwing away the jacket and not wanting to buy a new one?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Otherwise-Bass4997 on 2023-09-18 10:43:43.

Some backstory here I never really got along with my step brother since we just had very different personalities and hobbies. A few years ago he had a stroke and lost function in both his legs and right arm after his stroke we lost his job since it was a manual labour job and never tried go back into the job market for the last 7 years and moved back into our parents home. The main conflict started when my step mom died recently and that left him without any money and any place to live. He couch surfed with a couple of friends for 2 months before he came and asked me if he could stay at my home since I recently moved into a decently large apartment with more than enough space. I told him that I wasn't comfortable letting him stay in my home because if I did he would just live with me indefinitely like he did with our parents and that I wasn't ready to give up all my free time after work to care for him or pay 20% of my pay check to hire full time care for him.

He immediately started accusing me of resenting him ever since we were younger and claimed that I never really saw him as a brother(which is true but who cares) and that I was being petty since it wouldn't be a major part of my pay check. I stood my ground since Im pretty stubborn and made my choice already.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/hasura1001 on 2023-09-18 14:04:23.

i have been dating him for a couple months, in the beginning he would shower every time he saw me. but now that we spend a lot of time together and sleeping over, he goes 2/3 days without showering even when we are outside all day hiking and doing stuff, he also almost never brush his teeth, i keep asking him to do those things and he refuses. i told him it bothers me and even when it comes to sex its dangerous to me to get a bacteria from him. Am i an insensitive asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ButterflyNo5871 on 2023-09-18 12:41:05.

Bit of background: Ex and I split about a year ago, after 15 years of marriage. He cheated, but it was my decision to end it. We have one 13 year old daughter (Emma) together.

Emma struggled a lot with the split, she’s always been a bit of a daddy’s girl so him moving out was very difficult for her. He has her one night per week at his request - he’s “too busy” to see her more.

Ex met his new girlfriend within a few months of us separating. They don’t live together currently. Gf has 4 kids of her own, aged between 3 and 10. He introduced Emma to his Gf approx. 6 months ago. They all seemed to get along fine, everyone was happy.

The problem is that since then, every single time Emma has contact with her dad, Gf and her kids are present. Emma has no issue with the Gf or the kids in general, she likes them and wouldn’t mind seeing them occasionally but she does find the other children “a bit much sometimes” as she is used to being an only child. They do all activities as a family unit because any one on one time would be unfair on the other kids. On top of this, they all stay at his (2 bedroom) place when Emma is there, meaning 5 kids are sleeping in one bedroom. Emma has complained about a lack of privacy, and expressed frustration at having to “share” her dad, when she only gets to see him for just a few hours a week.

I tried to discuss this with my Ex and suggested a gradual transition might be better for everyone, because at the moment all he’s doing is damaging his relationship with Emma and breeding resentment long term. He basically said Emma is spoiled, and I’m bitter and jealous because he has a new family now. He says Emma is the problem because she doesn’t engage in their family life and that she needs to learn she can’t have all of his attention. She will have to fit in with his new family eventually, so the sooner she gets used to it the better. My argument is that he sees his daughter one night per week, which means he has 6 free nights to spend with his “new family” and they’ve been dating 6 months ish, they don’t live together yet so no need to force family time. Plus it’s been less than a year since we split and I think Emma just needs a bit more time to adjust to such a massive life change.

It’s now at the point where Emma doesn’t want to go to his at all, and to be honest I don’t want to make her. Obviously if her dad was willing to listen to her concerns/consider her feelings then I would encourage her to go but he’s made it clear he’s not going to. We don’t have any formal custody agreement in place but Ex will most definitely blame me if she doesn’t go and I know he’ll say she’s too young to make this decision, it’s my responsibility to ensure she sees him etc. So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRAnovelgnj on 2023-09-18 12:01:18.

Me (20F) and this guy(22M) have been talking for a month now and finally met last week since he works out of town consistently. He was very very eager to meet me. He asked me on a date and I accepted. Now before all of this he had asked me what I was looking for in a relationship and in a man, and I told him someone that it is kind and respectful, family oriented, empathetic, etc. Also told him specific what I was looking for in a man and it was a man being able to provide for me and pay for most dates, and love me unconditionally, a man who is into old school type of dating.

He told me that he had similar values and that he would do all of that for me. So fast forward to the week of our date, he set a time and place and even offered to pick me up so I wouldn’t have to waste gas. Day of, everything literally did not go as planned. Told me to drive to this mini golfing place and meet him there and I became confused about this and then he finally tells me his check engine light went on and he didn’t wanna drive that far so it’ll just be better to meet. I agreed because I felt bad and even offered to pick him up but he said it was fine. We get there and tell the cashier what golf course we want and then when it was time to pay he just turned to me and looked at me. I honestly had a blank look on my face and he rolled his eyes and payed. It felt awkward and I wanted to leave after that but I felt it was wrong and asked if everything was okay and he just said yeah.

Then it was time to sit down and eat. We had to download an app to order the food at this place so we decided to both download the app to look at what we wanted on the menu. Knew what we wanted and then it was time to pay. He finally asked me and said “So you’re gonna pay for this one right?” I was kinda baffled and didn’t know what to say. I ended up giving in and paying but I felt so ashamed of myself. After this we said our goodbyes and everything and left. He texted me the next day and said that it was fun hanging out and that we should do it again. I immediately blocked him and he decided to text me off snapchat which I forgot to block him on and asked if he did anything wrong. Didn’t even wanna respond and blocked him again. It felt weird because HE was the one that initiated everything? I honestly was repulsed

Edit: Okay now I’m getting d3ath threats. I get it. It was wrong to ask for things like that nowadays. But jeez?? For having different dating views? I didn’t know my opinion was that bad

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Good_Sort7315 on 2023-09-18 06:58:55.

UPDATE: AITA for “hiding” my saving from my fiancé

My fiancé and I have spent the last week talking a lot about this. We started talking about it the day after my post. There was actually a lot to talk about, because she had a lot of thoughts and feelings.

When we started talking I told her about the post very quickly. She was initially put out by me making the post but after I explained that it was more for me to make sure I hadn’t done something egregiously wrong and let her read through it at her own pace she was more okay with it. Though I did warn her that a lot of the comments were making wild assumptions about her.

After she’d read through my post, a few comments and my replies we talked about it a little. The main thing we talked about from the post was the silent treatment. She was very apologetic, and let me know that it wasn’t her intention to be giving the silent treatment but can absolutely see that it would feel like that to me. She said that she was just struggling to parse through a lot of thoughts and emotions.

Like I said in a comment, a big part of where our communication broke down was my flippancy when it came to helping her with money previously. To me it was showing that I was able to do it without hurting myself financially. To her it was me trying to stop her from worrying. Without the information I had I can definitely see how she thought that. She had always just assumed I was only doing a little better than her.

There was also a little bit of feeling bad about herself because of this. She’s 26 and felt like because I was younger and had so much more she had failed. I reassured her that it wasn’t a reflection on her and that I had just been very lucky. She asked me how I got the money, and said that she was also concerned I had done something illegal to make it. I broke down how I saved the money in detail for her.

She also expressed that she had already felt unworthy of me because I “do so much for her”. I reassured her that I did things for her because I loved her, and that hadn’t changed. I also explained everything she does for me and how to me I feel like she does so much more for me.

She was also worried about the power dynamic that this created. I reassured her that I didn’t see us as any different and that what was mine, I viewed as hers.

She also said she was worried about what else I was hiding from her, and I reassured her that I wasn’t hiding anything. I told her she was free to look through anything of mine anytime she wanted. She told me it wasn’t necessary and that it was an emotional concern not actual distrust.

Obviously a week of reassurance isn’t going to solve a lot of these emotions. We both already go to therapy separately and she is planning on bringing up a lot of this to her therapist by herself. We also decided that couples therapy would be a good idea. Not to repair our relationship because neither of us think it’s broken, but to strengthen it and allow us to talk about the ways to most effectively communicate with each other.