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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GuiltybutHonest on 2023-10-05 23:13:14.

It’s been one month since my (28f) wedding with “Fred” (28m) and I am refusing to sign our marriage license and am honestly considering leaving him.

For 6 years, I believed Fred and I were on the same page about what we wanted from one another and our future. We AGREED (as in he’s made this point as well) we didn’t want children - EVER - and I made it clear before and during wedding planning that I wasn’t changing my last name - EVER. He AGREED to this. I am an only child, while Fred has 3 brothers. My last name dies with me, while his family’s last name will “continue on” with his 3 brothers, who are all married with children, and with this all considered and points made on these facts, I believed there wasn’t an issue because Fred AGREED to it.

I personally hate the tradition of taking on the husbands last name. In my PERSONAL, EVERY RIGHT TO HAVE OPINION (for all you ready to jump me in the comments) is an archaic tradition that feels more like the transfer of property to a man, than a union. And even though I’m never having children, even the thought of someone else’s last name being attached to my hypothetical child’s if I do all 9 months of creating it and wrecking my bod just doesn’t sit right with me. On top of that, why should I have to change all my registered ID’s and documentation just because I’m a woman?! It’s not fair.

So - it’s our wedding day and Fred really pushed to have a ceremony in front of everyone where we’d sign our marriage license together. He was first to go, and when it was my turn, he had his hand placed very weirdly on the document. I told him to move his hand, we had an awkward, quiet battle about it, and when he finally did I saw what he was hiding. It was his job to get the license and he went behind my back and PURPOSELY submitted it so I would be taking his last name. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I pretended to sign it.

Fred is now a completely different person. He’s all about tradition now and how it’s his right to have a wife with his last name, how it’s embarrassing that his brother’s wives didn’t make this an issue for them and how all his friends will give him shit if I don’t change it. On top of that he keeps bringing up the child argument saying “we can’t both have different last names, and they should take mine.” WE SAID WE DIDN’T WANT KIDS.

I feel manipulated and heartbroken, and now he’s put all the pressure on me to make a decision because he isn’t changing his mind - I feel like I’ve wasted our guests time, our and our families money for the wedding, and now our future together because I let him fool me for 6 years. So AITA if I don’t sign it and possibly leave him?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AdImmediate2519 on 2023-10-05 20:30:55.

I share custody of my 11yo son Jimmy with my ex. My ex recently remarried a few years and I told her that she was making a mistake because her new husband, Tim, and Jimmy would not get along and wait until Jimmy is older to marry him.

As expected, Jimmy and Tim are clashing hard mostly because Tim is trying to be an authoritarian figure and crossing boundaries. I've tried to mediate and made sure Jimmy isn't playing both sides against the middle. He's not.

Things got so bad that Jimmy refused to go back to his mom's and I said I wasn't going to force him to go back either. His mom threatened to call the sheriff and I told her to go for it. They showed up and spoke to Jimmy and me.

They went back to Jimmy's mom and said they weren't going to force Jimmy to go back to her house. They said take it up with the court. Before she could do that, we got a visit from CPS. I guess the sheriff notified them. After interviewing everyone, they got a court order saying Tim can't live in the same house as Jimmy.

I had to talk to my ex and couldn't help but to laugh at her. I told her that she tried playing the system and it backfired. I didn't even have to lift a finger because she did all the work. Jimmy hasn't spent a night at his mom's in two months. He just visits her somewhere outside her house on the weekend for a couple of hours.

Jimmy is doing just fine living with me, his stepmom and my other two sons. He's not playing me. I've disciplined and grounded him since he's started living with me full time. I know my ex and Tim are fighting like cats and dogs and she called me an asshole for making her choose between her husband and son.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Friendly_Source658 on 2023-10-05 21:03:06.

About 8 years ago, I (then 20s) was working as a receptionist at a car dealership in my town. During my time there, an older employee “John” (50s M) used to walk me to my car when I worked the closing shift. I honestly didn’t think much of it, since there were no street lights where we parked and it was a comfort to think someone was looking out for me.

Unfortunately after a few months, that mindset changed when John attempted to kiss my face. I’m unsure if he was going for my cheek or lips, but I felt extremely uncomfortable and no longer safe with him walking me to my car. After that incident, I spoke with the sales manager on closing shift and asked if he wouldn’t mind escorting me to my car at closing. I wasn’t quite sure how to explain my sudden fear of walking to my car alone, but he agreed without questions.

The following week, John kept trying to “take over” walking me to my car and the manager picked up on my discomfort. He asked me if I was alright, I broke down and told him what happened. He helped me file a complaint with HR as well as told them the behavior he witnessed the week he walked me to my car. HR saw it as harassment and John was terminated. I only stayed at the dealership another 3 months before I quit for another job.

Jump to today and I run into an old coworker, “Paul” who still knows John. He says John hasn’t been able to find steady work since I “got him fired”, that John is now homeless, and that I was an AH for ruining an innocent man’s life. He swears John was only going to kiss my cheek and I overreacted and destroyed his reputation. I told him that attempting any type of kiss was inappropriate and, while I’m sorry John has struggled, what he did was still not ok.

My friend overheard and also thinks I’m an AH who should have just not gone to HR. And I genuinely feel awful knowing that what happened caused him to be homeless. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Key-Chipmunk-5211 on 2023-10-05 19:17:33.

Me 27F, my boyfriend 25M , and 5Y son recently did a big move to a different state to be with his family. There was some drama with his mom and sister so she moved in with their grandparents. About 2 months of her living there she asked if she could live us. We kept saying no because we didn't want a roommate and didn't have an extra room to give to her. So she just started coming over every single day and sleeping on our couch and eating with us. After about a month of that we decided if she is going to be here anyways might as well charge her rent. We laid down some rule before she moved in and she agreed to them. No drugs(she does shrooms and other psychedelics) had to fix her cat and find home for the kittens she was already pregnant with, and she couldn't keep a kitten either because we already have 2 cats of our own and we didn't want more. She was fine with all this because it was supposed to be temporary. Here we are a year later and all her plans to move out have fallen through so she is no longer leaving and also broke all the rules she agreed too. We only charge her $350 to live here and have been feeding her on our $500 food budget this whole time. Well things have been tough and i cant stretch $500 anymore. We asked her to feed herself her and cats because we have been buying food for them too and she agreed but its been a week and she is still eating our food and her cat dishes have been empty for 2 days now. Their family also thinks we are being mean asking her to buy her own food since she already pays us $350. I tried to explain that $350 is the rent. We don't give our landlord $1800 and then ask him to feed us. My only job is to feed my child and boyfriend. Also a side note when she was looking for different places to live she said her budget was $800 a month so she could still afford her car/phone bills and good. We only charge $350 so by that math she should have more than enough to feed herself especially since her grandparents feed her lunch at work. Edit: alot of comments are saying to kick her out. We are renting the house from my bf and his sisters grandparents so we can't kick her out.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Solomnsource on 2023-10-05 14:37:58.

I (29F) recently got engaged to my (30M) fiancé.

My bf (Hannah, 29F) and I have been close since school. She got w her boyf (Rob 31M) the same year as I got w my fiancé. She routinely complains about how inconsiderate and insensitive Rob is. She’s a sensitive person so he really can be nasty though she mostly excuses it as “banter”. I keep my opinions to myself bc I just want her to be happy and don’t want to draw a wedge between us.

We sent out invites for our party, Hannah text to check the time, saying they’d be late as Rob had plans but she might come up earlier with their baby, I said great and np! I went to see Hannah, Rob and the baby 3 days before the party. Rob was rude from the offset, told me he didn’t like my new haircut, my arrangements are excessive and that Hannah would NEVER get a flower cloud “IF” they got engaged. He complained about the attire, refused to wear a shirt despite Hannah offering to iron. I asked what time they’d be arriving, they said 7.30pm because Rob likes to chat after the football, then there’s getting changed and driving. I joked that he skip the football for 1 day (he goes every weekend and watches EVERY match on tv) he asked why would he’d that? I said because it’s my engagement party and he looks me dead in the eye and said “and I don’t care?”. No laugh, just a shrug. I said he should be more supportive of his girlfriend and she said nothing. Later in the car I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she said she wouldn’t have been offended if she hadn’t been chosen bc she knows I wouldn’t take it personally if she didn’t pick me bc its just one of those things. I awkwardly agreed. I went on to say I felt Rob had been a bit rude, if he doesn’t care he doesn’t have to come and I’m not v happy with them being 3 hours late. She excused him, said it’s “banter”, he didn’t mean it, he was trying to wind me up… she then tells me that the plans she can’t get away from are a small town football club match and he does the live Twitter updates for.

I get home and tell my fiancé who’s livid and says Rob’s no longer invited, he’s rude and was only Hannah’s +1 anyway. I know he’s right and is saving me the upset of Rob making a dig at the party. I text Hannah and say, I know this is awkward, I’m really upset about what was said earlier and I think it’s best Rob sits this one out. I love you, I hope you understand and still want to be involved. She responds to say that this would have been sorted if I’d just brought it up at the house, it was only banter, I’m being unfair by banishing her baby’s father and have put her in a terrible position and that she has to choose between us, if they can’t all come together then she won’t be coming either.

He text me but I didn’t respond because I was busy. Next day she text to say she’d sit it out with Rob. I told her she can sit out the rest of the events and the wedding in that case, essentially ended our friendship over this idiot. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pee_A_Poo on 2023-10-05 18:02:30.

My partner and I (35NB and 60M) hosted a dinner party for some friends, let’s called them “Mark” (55M) and “Gertrude” (45F). Gertrude is allergic to glutens so cooking for her has always been a bit of a challenge.

I really didn’t want to have a dinner party on a Wednesday because I am the gourmet cook in the household and people expect me to make gourmet food for them. I work late that day so the time I start cooking dinner, I am already exhausted.

But Mark and Gertrude insisted on coming ASAP. Because Gertrude is unemployed while Mark was recently laid off. I offered to refer him to my current employer who is hiring for multiple positions and Mark wants to see what’s available.

So I ended my WfH day at 3:30 and began slow cooking oxtail stew. I mix my own source using fresh ingredients and a little bit of miso. For some reason - most probably tiredness - kept thinking miso is gluten free because it’s made of soy, not wheat or corn.

My partner “Casper” offered me to help me do some cooking and when he saw the miso, told me that miso can have trace gluten in it and we can’t serve the oxtail. By the time dinner had been stewing for over 1.5hrs and there was not enough time to make anything else. So we ordered sushi takeaway instead.

When Gertrude and Mark arrived she was excited to smell the oxtail cooking on the stove, because that was her favourite. I apologised and explained the situation and offered sushi instead. Gertrude was quiet the whole evening and starred daggers at me.

It got worse because Casper and Mark are both socially inept and dug into the oxtail stew while commenting on how delicious it was. At that moment I really wanted to dig a hole in the ground and disappear.

Later today I saw that Gertrude had made a passive-aggressive social media post calling me TA without actually naming me. Her words were something along the lines of “some stupid asshole thought it was a good idea to add miso in a dish that never required miso for thousands of years just to feel smart. And now my dinner was ruined. SMH.”

The comments were agreeing with her and there are other allergic people calling me an ignorant asshole. And I just feel really bad. I tried to do two nice things for Mark and ended up being called TA.

So AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Virtual_Yoghurt52 on 2023-10-05 17:31:27.

I was at a water park last week and my friends and I went into the lazy river. To my knowledge, I thought you were meant to lay in the tube with your belly facing up and just kinda let the water push you through the course freely.

This particular lazy river has certain areas that move much faster than others, so I found it difficult to maintain control and avoid bumping into other tubes as much as I'd like.

There was a woman, without any tube, just walking slowly in the lazy river holding a baby. Unfortunately the course of the water pushed my tube right behind her; I tried to paddle myself away but the current and other tubes now up behind me prevented me from being able to move myself. I ended up nearly right up behind her, bumping into her a couple times with my tube.

She turns to me and shouts right in my face, "You're bumping into me and I'm holding a BABY" and I wasn't expecting it so I panicked and apologized and said I can't control it, and started clawing at the concrete to try and stop myself but I couldn't. I feel like I may be TA for this here, because I argued back rather than finding a solution that actually helped in that moment.

I feel like a huge asshole and complete idiot. I keep replaying the events in my head, what should I have done differently? Should I have tried to get out of my tube to stop myself? I also feel like that would've bumped her more as I'm trying to get myself out of a big tube in a crowded part of the lazy river.

I can't stop thinking about this interaction. So Reddit, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Filmnerdofever on 2023-10-05 15:43:49.

I have a 14-year-old cousin with Down syndrome. She is overall a very nice girl but she has one major issue that can’t seem to be resolved: she coughs with her mouth wide open and coughs directly into people’s faces. I see her pretty often as we are a close family and this becomes an issue just about every time. I’ve tried staying silent but it’s a serious problem.

I’ve addressed this with my aunt and she just tells me to get over it because she “doesn’t know any better.” However, I’ve noticed that she is not even taking the effort to try and correct her. She just sits around and lets her do it, does not even say something as simple as “let’s remember to cover our mouth.” I’ve told her she needs to get it under control but she refuses to acknowledge it, continuing to play the “she can’t help it” card.

The final straw for me was two days ago when we were visiting my other aunt who has a newborn. They gave my cousin the chance to hold the baby while sitting on the couch. She then coughed two HUGE coughs directly into the baby’s face. I was terrified. I yelled “stop! You’ll make the baby sick!” My aunt told me to stop being so dramatic and let it go. My cousin then started crying. I responded with “I’ll let it go when you teach your daughter to cover her mouth when she coughs! It’s not that hard!” I understand that raising a child with Down syndrome is not easy. It’s very difficult, I know. I just feel that this is something every child should be taught. My aunt flipped out and my cousin started crying hysterically. My aunt told me I should be ashamed of myself and they stormed out.

Almost my entire family is calling me an AH, saying I was being so rude and ignorant. My grandma even said it was fine if she coughs in the baby’s face because “babies can’t catch anything” which I KNOW is not true. I do feel bad for the way I worded it but this is an ongoing issue that my aunt refuses to help. AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TellNo5035 on 2023-10-05 18:27:42.

I (f32) work as an interpreter (don’t worry when you see my atrocious grammar, I don’t interpret from/to English, it’s my 3rd language). One of my work colleagues, Hannah (f, late 30s) asked me the other day what my plans for the weekend were. I replied that I was going to the woods with my club to shoot some arrows and I had ballet class on Sunday. She was taken aback at that and asked me “how many hobbies do you fucking have?” Swearing is something she does a lot so it didn’t sound any alarm bells in my head so I replied that a few. She heard me speak about my classes before when I was asked about evening plans or when I said no to going to a pub after work.

Despite my reply, she wouldn’t drop it and wanted me to list all the classes I do. So I told her that I took Italian classes, ballet beginners classes, archery, pan flute classes, and swimming. She asked, what about your volunteering, did you stop that. I said no, I still do it twice a week. And that’s when she said “this is why you’re single.”

That surprised me. I’ve never complained about being single, I’m quite content with that so I don’t know where that came from. I asked her about that and she just said I’m trying to relieve my high school days and no guy would want a woman that runs around in the woods with arrows and then pounces like a child in a tutu in adult beginners ballet class.

Could I have been more polite? Sure, but she annoyed me. I told her to “fuck off” and I left the room.

Now, she’s telling everyone what an asshole I am and that she was only trying to give me advice because I’m immature and will be single forever if I don’t get my shit together.

It’s been almost a week and now, she’s got some of the ladies on her side and they’re side eyeing me, one even twirled like a ballerina (badly) behind my back as I was leaving the lunch room. With so many people agreeing with her, I need to double check if I was right to tell her what I did. Did I overreact, was I the asshole in the situation? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ExpensiveExtreme3312 on 2023-10-05 17:47:04.

My (18M) dad (36M) high school GF, Melanie (36F) had me when they were 18. My dad asked if they could get a termination as he had dreams of going to college. Melanie was Baptist so she said no, dad said OK as it was her decision, decided to drop college and start a family. When I was 6 months old, Melanie said this wasn't the life she wanted, had a breakdown, dumped me on dad and moved.

My dads parents and my dad looked after me, while my dad attended a smaller college in-state. Soon, he met Anita, an Indian exchange student, and by the time I was 2, they were married. Btw, Dad is white and so is Melanie, so obviously I am too. When they graduated, we moved to our current state, and dad and Anita did PhDs. They're both Profs in my state's Ivy college, and I have a brother Peter aged 8.

I put "stepmom" in quotes because ever since I could talk I called Anita mom, and she was always my mom. She loves me, never showed any difference in affection towards me and Peter, and is my best friend.

Last year Melanie got in touch as she moved to my state. She had a husband and 2 kids (Peter's age). She kept inviting me around, asking me to do stuff with her and "my siblings", and sometimes I'd say yes but I didn't care about her as she never cared till I was 17, sorry if that sounds rude. She asked if I could call her Mom also, I declined, she seemed OK if a little pissed.

I did well in school, and got a state award and a full college ride for next year. The ceremony was last week. I got 3 "free" tickets - anyone else who wanted to come had to pay $25 each. I gave the tickets to Dad, Anita, and Peter. Melanie was offended, and asked why I couldn't give her one and my parents pay for Peter, I said no. So she paid for her, her kids, and husband to come.

In my speech I thanked my parents for helping me with schoolwork, and joked that I picked a college far away as they taught in ours. Afterwards, an official asked which were my parents to congratulate them, assuming it was Dad and Melanie (fair, since I am white). I said no, that Dad and Anita were my parents, so he congratulated them.

Melanie started crying after the event, telling me how "insulting" it was for me to say Anita was my parent, and how it looks awful for me to keep saying that "an Indian lady was my mom, even though everyone knows thats not true". Dad whisked us off, but Melanie has been posting on FB about "brainwashed" children of divorce and "elitists" looking down on people who didn't go to college.

Reddit, was I horrible? I know it seems rude to say Anita is my parent and ignore Melanie but in that context (and all contexts) I wanted Anita to get the credit because SHE was the college prof and SHE helped me with school, even more than dad as she did the humanities (where I struggled). Also, Melanie and my dad were never married.

Is this normal? Must I call her mom too just because we are the same race, so people don't look at us weird? Have I embarassed her in public? Please help.

Edit: nobody has ever "looked at us weird" btw, and nothing has made me feel insecure about not being Anita's race. I see her as my mom and always have, and while people sometimes get confused, they catch on quite fast as my state is quite diverse so multiracial families are common.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CreativeInitial2 on 2023-10-05 16:11:15.

My exhusband and I have been divorced for 11 months now and the current arrangement for custody is one week on/one week off with alternating holidays. Earlier this year, my exhusband had a work trip out of town so he asked me to watch our daughter that week. No problem. We agreed that I would keep her the the two weeks (my week and then his week), and when he came back he would pick her up from me and we would rotate back like normal so that the schedule wouldn't have to shift. When he came back, he pitched a fit about wanting to keep her an extra week not because he wanted to spend the time with her, but because the way the current schedule was laid out he couldn't go to a music festival to see his favourite band. I wanted to fight him on it because it didn't seem like a valid reason to fuck with our kids schedule but oh well. I just notated it and let it happen.

So now we're up to the present. There's been a stomach bug going around. The child was sick and I was sick all last week but we made it. She went to her dad's on Sunday and he ended up calling me on Tuesday asking me to keep her this week because he's really I'll (even though the doctor said it's the cold) and basically can't keep her. I agreed and am keeping her this week handling her pick ups and drop offs at daycare and taking her to her activities. No big deal. The problem comes in where he's asked if I would be willing to let him keep her next week since he is missing this week. I told him absolutely not because her schedule has already been swapped once it wouldn't be fair to her to swap it again. He called me vindictive and said that I'm trying to keep her away from him because will basically be with me for a whole month because of this. I reminded him that he made the choice to send her to me because of a cold.

The only reason why I'm sticking to my guns here is because when I've asked him to give me mild concessions such as this and they were only begrudgingly accepted while also small rants of "his schedule being disrupted" gets tossed at me passive aggressively. So aita?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Suspicious-Mode-2967 on 2023-10-05 16:10:05.

I (28F) am expecting a daughter with my husband (30M) next year. Our daughter will be the first granddaughter born in his family. He has seven nephews and no nieces so far. When we announced the news that we were having a girl my husband's family were super excited. We already had a name chosen for our daughter and then his family mentioned naming her the family name. My husband already knew the name would be out for me but his family are not oaky with our reasoning.

For context... I am an affair baby and I was unfortunately raised in an environment where that was all I was allowed to be for the first 18 years of my life. My dad's affair was never taken out on him but instead I was the one everyone hated. My dad's wife was the person who hated me most of all. She found me repulsive and never hesitated to tell me exactly that. Her name was Annalise. She was giddy when she kicked me out at midnight on my 18th birthday. I never saw her or any of my biological family after that.

My husband's family name for the first granddaughter is also Annalise. It has been used for five generations already and our daughter is meant to be the sixth in the eyes of his family.

We explained the reason why the name would not be used for our daughter and they were not happy. They feel like I should try to add a positive association to the name by using it for my daughter and allowing her to be part of something that she should be based on the fact she will be the first granddaughter.

My husband told them it was not happening and that is his final decision.

But his family say I could assure him I'm fine with it and make sure we use the name. They said I am destroying something special by refusing.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Kind_Prior6775 on 2023-10-05 15:38:29.

I (38f) am a mother to my biological son Kai (10m) and a stepmother to my husband James' (42m) son from his first marriage, Luca (12m).

This subject has been the source of some arguments in our family so looking to get some honest opinions!

James and I have Luca every Thursday, every other weekend and parts of school holidays. Luca's mother remarried a man who is a lot wealthier than us and so the kid has a lot of nice stuff, designer clothes, games consoles, goes on fancy holidays with them etc. We aren't on the poverty line by any means but times are tough and we don't have a lot of disposable income right now.

This December I want James, Kai and I to go on holiday because we haven't been away at all this year. James wants Luca to come because he thinks it isn't fair if Kai goes on holiday and he doesn't. However Luca has been on fancy holidays abroad twice this year with his mum and stepdad, and we would struggle to afford flights, meals etc for a fourth person.

We didn't really argue about this as I think if James can find the money then Luca definitely should come, but it's more about this perceived 'unfairness' that I think isn't true. Because by that logic it's 'unfair' on Kai that he didn't also get to go on three holidays this year. (I don't think that's true, I'm just saying that logic cuts both ways)

The 'unfairness' rose its head last week again though when I bought Kai a Nintendo Switch because he did really well at school, and I didn't have the money at the end of the school year but I do now. James said to get 'big presents' for one child and not the other was again 'unfair'. It didn't seem to matter that Kai's was a reward (and that Luca has a Switch already anyway), but that I "can't treat them differently".

James gave another example that I occasionally take Kai to the cinema on a Tues/Weds (we have 2-for-1 tickets on Tues/Weds with our car insurance) but not on a Thursday when Luca can come. This is "treating them unfairly" even though it's purely a ticket cost thing - cinemas are so expensive if 4 of you go! (Of course, Luca goes all the time with his mum and stepdad...)

So now I'm a "bad stepmother" because of these examples... and I'm so frustrated by it. I love Luca and I'm not trying to exclude him at all, but our kids are in different situations and surely it's 'unfair' on Kai to not do nice things for him if we can't necessarily do it for both every single time. James has been quite nasty (he has a bit of a temper) suggesting I'm not happy to have Luca as my stepson, when that isn't true at all. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/South_Row3461 on 2023-10-05 15:23:00.

My office has a woman called Debbie 60s who always gives out dated, judgmental, and awful parenting advice. It’s never asked for and she just butts in conversation.

It stopped for awhile when her son was all over the news for being arrested for something horrible. She took some time off work to deal with the trauma but it’s still lingering on and still occasionally in the news about the trial.

A new coworker was discussing an issue her elementary age child was having and Debbie was telling the parent her kid should tough it out.

It was out of my mouth so fast “is that what you tell your son when he goes to prison for the rest of his life? Just tough it out?”

Debbie started crying and has been off work since then because he has intermittent FMLA. My manager told me to cool it abd HR and I had brief conversation but my work bestie thinks I went to far in telling Debbie off.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Southern_Job9960 on 2023-10-05 14:41:48.

I have a son (22) and one daughter (16). Now there was some classic high-school drama. My daughter was dating a guy she went to homecoming with. Now around a month ago she went out with another guy to get food after working on a project together.The other boy found out and called it cheating. I personally don’t find getting food with a guy cheating but overall it was drama at highschool.

Now the issue is the only one who can not let it go is her brother. He was properly cheated on in college and now has a chip in his shoulder. Ever single time she goes out she mentions her cheating.

I had enough today when he brought it up again. I told him need to get over it and the next time I hear it I will ask him to leave. We got into an argument about me defending her when she was in the wrong. He called me a jerk and left.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Husker8 on 2023-10-05 14:04:17.

About two months ago my mom asked if my MIL & her boyfriend wanted to celebrate Christmas with us(we split holidays between the sides so thanksgiving this year is with my MIL).

Important context is that about 6 years ago when we were dating my MIL happened to be in my hometown Mother’s Day weekend when we were visiting my mom. We left part way through the day to see my now MIL and my mother handled it like a spoiled toddler to me via text the whole time we were with my now MIL. My mom was dealing with the loss of my grandmother a few months before and acted ridiculous. She has apologized multiple times since then to myself/my wife and made attempts to make up for it. Not that it changes what happened.

So fast forward to this year and my mom mentions inviting my MIL to Christmas. I don’t really say if I’ll invite her as I know there’s a good chance she declines after the Mother’s Day. I tell my wife who then invites my MIL and my MIL says she needs to check her schedule. For the next two months I ask my wife each week if my MIL is coming and my wife always responds with something like “She doesn’t know yet, still a little gun shy. after Mother’s Day” or something similar.

This past week my mom lets me know my sister’s MIL reached out about coming to Christmas. My mom said she thought about it but decided actually she thinks this Christmas might be best a smaller family event and declines that my sisters MIL comes.

I pass along to my wife that my MIL may have missed her window to say if she wants to come as I feel it would be awkward for her to come and not my sisters MIL, especially since my mom still doesn’t even know she was considering.

My wife is furious with me now saying she must tell her mom she can’t come to Christmas and etc.

AITAH for saying it’d be awkward for her mom to now come to Christmas, two months after being invited & not giving an answer, and after my mom decided to make it a smaller event?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowawayNewRing on 2023-10-05 15:46:50.

First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her.

Also, my brother's single.

A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself.

She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was.

My brother is older, but I've hit many milestones earlier than him. He never seemed bitter about it. We've always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did.

Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later.

That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discretely return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring.

Then he got mad I made him get me a new ring, because he'd told his girlfriend he'd get her one too. So his plan to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy two.

Basically, my mom got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move. She said he already seemed embarrassed when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me, and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere.

Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth.

He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one.

As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiancée what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can't return it to the store, so we're thinking of selling it.

I haven't forgiven my brother. But because he's never done anything like this before, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm going LC for now, he'll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him, and I don't want our relationship to end over what he did. Both my fiancée and my mom agree with me on this.

There's more I want to add, but the word limit's not helping. I'll try to reply to more comments this time. Thank you all.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Short-Baseball-477 on 2023-10-05 15:35:29.

My wife Danielle 33 has a job that requires her to go into the office every day. I 42 work from my home office. We have two children 2/4.

We had a nanny, Esme, whom we hired after we moved to this city for my wife's job. We do not have family in this city.

Esme was with us since we got here six months ago. She was excellent at her job and she was a pleasant person in general.

Danielle got it into her head that Esme was going to try and get me away from her. She fired her. It was a ridiculous assertion. I love my wife. But she insisted. She then proceeded to kibosh any nanny that the agencies sent. Even the make one because she thought it was "weird" to have a male nanny.

She wants me to watch the kids since I'm home anyway. I said that there was no way that was happening. I bring home 65% of our income. I cannot watch the kids and work. I have dealt with this temporarily by inviting my parents to stay with us so they can watch the kids.

Danielle hates this. She likes my folks but she doesn't like having them here 100% of the time. However neither her mom or dad are able to help.

I told her that if she wants my parents to go home she either has to replace our nanny or she has to stay home to watch the kids.

She says that I'm an asshole for devaluing her work and expecting her to watch the kids because she's the woman. I'm not. I think she created this situation and it's her responsibility to deal with it.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Gosiiik23 on 2023-10-05 11:56:42.

I (F26) got an offer from my boss to move abroad next year for 6 months to open a new branch of our agency and be a branch manager (it’s a 2h flight away). It’s an incredible offer to get at my age and I worked my ass off for the past 2+ years as a project manager / team leader to get here(started off as the former role, organically became the latter one as well). I’d have all expenses with the move covered. It’s a dream come true for me career-wise.

Here’s the issue. My husband (M29) doesn’t want to move. He’s about to have an exam in december to finally get all necessary qualifications for his profession (think like bar exam in the US). His salary would go up and he’d be able to be independent. But.. only in our country. I’m not sure he’d be able to find a job abroad and he really doesn’t want to move. I am making 3x his salary and we’d still live comfortably, but understably he doesn’t want a break in his career especially when it’s finally going to take off. He wants to save as much as possible to buy a house, have kids etc. I want the same but not necessairly now, perhaps in a year or so. We don’t have enough saved to do it earlier anyways and I want to negotiate my salary for the new position so that we would still be on track with all these plans.

For a little context, he’s always been more domestic, doesn’t care to learn more languages or travel. Which is fine. I, on the other hand, consider myself more of a cosmopolitan person. I speak 3 foreign languages and am currently learning a 4th one, always dreamt of international career whether it’s about being able to travel or just move abroad. During our relationship I did move abroad twice for more than a year, so we know that long-distance relationship is doable, but when I came back 3 years ago we discussed that we don’t want that anymore. So I stayed.

When we talked about the opportunity, he instantly became cold and short with me. We are speaking etc. normally, but anytime the topic comes up, he gets annoyed. Doesn’t say no to me going alone (or with our dog), but isn’t happy for me nor wants me to go.

Thus, WIBTA if I accepted the offer?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Commercial-Ticket860 on 2023-10-05 15:39:37.

I bought myself a nice blender, I work part time at home and also watch the young kids that are too young for preschool. Due to me staying home I cook a lot, which I enjoy so it’s not a big.

Now the issue is that he was pissed how much the blender was it, 125 dollars. This annoyed me greatly since I used my fun money for it and it is a household tool even if he won’t use it. I thought we were over it but I pulled it out again to make a smoothy and he made more comments about a waste of money and stupid buy.

I had the conversation with him about the whole situation again, he made more comments next time I took it out and I had enough. Now every time I make something using a blender I don’t give him any.

It came to a head today I made a soup and I used the blender. I told him I used the stupid blender to make it so he can’t have any and make his own food.

This caused a huge argument and he thinks I am a petty jerk but I have told him so many time to not call my purchases a waste.

AITA for taking it so far

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/idontthinkitsonme on 2023-10-05 14:53:46.

Names changed for privacy.

A couple of months ago, me, my husband, and my daughter (6) were visiting my parents. My sister, “Jane”, her husband “Toby”, and their foster son “JJ” (9) were staying as well. One day I was out with my mother and we came home to everyone arguing. Jane had been supervising the kids playing outside and JJ had tried to get my daughter to go in the pool, but she didn’t want to, they’d argued, and before Jane could get to them, my daughter had slipped and fallen on the patio and scraped her knee and started crying. This brought everyone else outside and obviously my husband was extremely angry, which led to him telling JJ off. Jane and Toby were then upset and by the time I got there JJ was having a panic attack. Jane and Toby ended up leaving early because JJ went straight out to their car and wouldn’t even come inside.

Fast forward to now, it’s my dad’s birthday and we’re having a small party as it’s a milestone birthday. Jane called me and asked that we not come to the party because JJ doesn’t feel comfortable seeing us. She said he’s hand lasting issues since the visit and is scared to be around us again, so could we do something with Dad another day. I asked why Jane doesn’t just do something with Dad on a different day but she said JJ already knows about the party and she doesn’t want him to feel excluded from a family get together. The family coming are visiting for a week so it’s not like not going would mean missing seeing anyone, but I think if you’re the one with the issue you’re the one who should bow out. AITA for refusing to make the concession?

Editing the post with this info, I didn’t put it in the original because I thought it might not be allowed - my daughter slipped and fell on the patio while being dragged by JJ. She had bruises from him trying to pull her into the pool. I’m sure he didn’t mean for her to slip but this wasn’t a harmless accident.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/EmptyBed3895 on 2023-10-05 10:11:43.

I (25F) was a foster kid most of my childhood. I never got adopted or found a forever family. I'm now married to my husband Jamie. Jamie's sister Bev and her husband Mike are foster parents. They were starting the process when I first met them 5 years ago and they have been actively fostering for the last three years. 18 months ago they had Daisy (12) placed with them. She's their first longer time foster and they have mentioned they want to keep her and adopt her in the near future.

Daisy has not been on board with that idea and there's a tension surrounding them and a lack of trust on Daisy's part. Bev and Mike have not always discussed what's going on with their family. For the most part they act like things are perfect. But Daisy talks to me. She knows I'm a former foster kid and I think she finds comfort in having someone who gets certain things.

Daisy's willingness to talk to me drives Bev crazy. Recently she cornered me and said we needed to talk. She was pissed that Daisy and I had been deep in conversation for a couple of hours and that Daisy said more to me, though she couldn't hear exactly what she was saying, in the two hours we spoke than Daisy had said to her since she moved in with them 18 months prior.

The biggest issue is Bev and Mike cannot understand that Daisy loves her mom and wants to be with her again. Daisy has talked about Mike and Bev being against her feelings for her mom. Bev also went on a tyraid about it not being good for Daisy. That in the fostering classes it was mentioned and discussed at length but she never figured a kid would want a drug addicted parent over a loving family who do everything she never got with her bio parent. Bev sees it as the job of a foster parent to show their foster kid that it's not good to crave someone who doesn't treat you right. She said it would be their failure to let a kid refuse to accept a family in favor of someone who didn't want them.

Then she ranted about Daisy talking to me openly and being more upfront with me. I said sometimes foster kids want someone who gets it. Bev said it didn't make sense though and I should be doing more to help and encouraging Daisy to open up. I told her she and Mike needed help before Daisy should be talking more openly to them. She asked what the fuck that meant and I said it was the way she talked about Daisy's love for her mom and wish to return to her. I told her it makes her the worst kind of trying to do good foster parent there is. Because you can't look beyond what you think is right to try and understand and accept that being a foster kid comes with complex emotions and wishes and while I fully believe that you are trying to do good for Daisy, you are doing way more harm than you realize.

Bev is furious with me and while Jamie and even some of my other ILs defended me, I wonder if I stepped over the line.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Repulsive_Title_9397 on 2023-10-05 14:18:44.

My (34 M) wife Amanda (32 F) got pregnant recently. We were yet to announce it, but before we could do so we learned about the death of my nephew. My brother's newborn had died, and he informed us about it.

We went to his house to offer our condolences, and they were in a really distraught state. Here's the thing: I was buying a few supplies for my wife (related to her pregnancy) when I had gotten the announcement, and as I rushed to my brother's house immediately upon getting the message, we still had the purchases with us.

Upon reaching there, we offered our condolences, and remained present for quite a while. It seemed as if my sister-in-law Emily was either pretending to keep her composure or looking for a topic to divert her mind, but she casually asked us what we were doing, considering the purchases, and what we had bought.

I hesitated to answer, but she had already noticed some of the stuff in the bag and asked what those were. It was pretty obvious that they were related to the pregnancy, and although we said it's nothing, she seemed curious to know.

So we told her that she was pregnant. Emily began to cry when she learned what it was, while my brother began to accuse me of announcing it when they were dealing with the literal death of their child. He got into a huge verbal sparring with me, but I told him that we were about to announce it anyway, and that I hadn't wanted to lie since Emily had already kind of noticed what the stuff were.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/convenientmother on 2023-10-05 13:52:19.

My brother “Enzo” passed away eight years ago. When he died, his widow, “Carla” fell into a deep depression and became an alcoholic. It took over her life, she lost her job, her house, and she wasn’t able to look after their son, “Charlie”, who was 2. Carla didn’t have any family around to help and was looking at a lot of financial problems as a result of her alcoholism. She reached out to my parents and asked if they could take Charlie because she couldn’t manage. My dad was suffering from a lot of health problems and my mother was caring for him so they suggested me, even though I was pregnant at the time. My husband and I said yes immediately.

After Charlie came to live with us, Carla made very little effort with him. I gave her a pass on being in contact because she was going through a lot, but even when we would fly her out to visit us she would be very uninterested in Charlie. She would spend little time with him, and had a very short fuse with him. Charlie was a shy kid, he wasn’t affectionate or comfortable with her and she hated that. She would start off wanting to bond with him but the minute he wouldn’t cuddle her or would cry when she picked him up and she would hand him back to me and ignore him for the rest of her trip and treat our home like a resort. After a visit where she yelled at him for not calling her “mum”, none of us brought up visits again. My husband I adopted Charlie when he was 5.

For 4 years after the adoption we heard almost nothing from Carla, except calls every few months and birthday cards for Charlie. Then, late last year we received papers from her saying she intended to Sue to overturn the adoption. She didn’t want any contact with us, only through lawyers, but it was a stressful time. It went on for a few months until eventually proceedings concluded before ever getting to court. Our lawyer said reading between the lines it seemed like Carla couldn’t afford to keep fighting it and she would never have won. Again, we didn’t hear anything from her.

About a week ago, Carla gets in contact directly. We get on a zoom call and I was shocked by the difference in her. She looks a lot healthier, she has a job, and a house (knew this from documents she submitted for the legal case), and a fiancé. She said she wants Charlie to come to the wedding. She wants visitation with him. I said not until Charlie is 12, at which point he will be welcome to establish a relationship with her on his terms if he so wishes, with our full support.

Obviously she thinks I’m the AH. She says 12 is an arbitrary age and it gives him another two years to think she doesn’t care about him. I think that in a couple of years he will more emotionally equipped to process his own feelings and understand the measures we will need to put in place given that Carla has proven to be litigious, if he wants to see her. People I’ve mentioned this to are split. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Porkypineapple on 2023-10-05 13:40:29.

I (30f) have had a friend (30f) for 10 years who currently cosleeps with her husband and child(ren). Cosleeping in this case means her, her husband, and their two kids all sleep in the same king size bed. She shared that back when baby 1 was a newborn, her and her husband would sneakily have sex when the baby was asleep in the bed with them. I found it odd, but the baby was super tiny so I didn’t think much more into it. Fast forward to present day, and the couple has that same baby (obviously) who is now two years old, and also a less-than-one-year old that all sleep together in the same bed. She shared that her and her husband are still having “sneaky” sex with the two kids/babies in bed with them when they’re asleep. I told her I found that weird and inappropriate. They have furnished bedrooms for each of their children so space isn’t an issue. She was very offended and said that since I don’t have children I don’t have room to judge. She knows I have had a year+ of fertility issues and also said it’s a good thing I can’t have kids because I’d be a shitty mom anyway.

Last weekend she had our typical group of friends over to her house and didn’t invite me. I know this because it was plastered all over social media. When I asked her if we were cool she said she sent the invite to all of us in a Snapchat and that I must not have seen it, but I don’t buy that. So I basically feel like the relationship is over and I’ve lost the friend group. I have several mom friends and know the importance of not giving my unsolicited opinion on a topic I can’t speak on, but this felt icky so I threw in my two cents.

So…. AITA?