This is extremely dependent on which games you're playing and how you're playing them. Public servers or matchmaking seem to generally be pretty bad for making connections, because they tend not to require as much social interaction and when they do it's of the throw-away variety. Raiding and PVP in MMOs, when it's difficult enough, tends to lead to greater connection-building because you want to actually be able to rely on your teammates. For me, though, the greatest games for building community tend to be sandbox games on private RP servers.

The roleplaying community for any given game tends to be substantially smaller than the community at large. It's a fairly small pool where you see the same people over and over again. There are new faces too, but you'll usually recognize folks if you've been around for a few years. If I check out a new DayZ server or a new Conan server, I will invariably run into people I've met time and time again. These communities have a shared history spanning years and dozens of servers, and they tend to bubble out into hundreds of small discord servers for in-game groups and general friend groups that form. Roleplay is all about communication, so you don't really have that same distance that you do when the game is just about playing out a game loop over and over again. To play the game is to make friends, whether your characters are allied or are enemies.

There's toxicity, to be sure, and private servers introduce a whole new layer of drama with nepotism and staff abuse, but those problems actually have solutions other than turning off chat or hoping the developers do something. Most servers have some form of whitelisting process and will actively ban problem users, or may even have some form of mediation process. If you don't like how a server is run, you can get together a group of friends, rent a VPS or a dedi, and host a new server yourselves. It happens over and over again. Arguably most new RP servers come about because somebody didn't like something about some previous RP server they were playing on. This leads not just to new servers, but to people developing new skill sets. It gives people a reason to develop new social and leadership skills, to expand their artistic abilities, and to develop new technical prowess. I know quite a few people, myself included, who got back into making art or got into modding, hosting, or development because they wanted to make something different for the community; to show people how things could be.

For me, roleplay has been life-transforming. It's helped me work my way through a lot of stuff that I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see up close as easily if I were only seeing it through the context of my own real life. It's given me artistic drive that I didn't have before. And perhaps most vitally, it's gotten me invested in community and led to meaningful friendships in a time where I haven't really been super enthusiastic about getting out of the house in my free time. In an era where people are increasingly atomized, I've found it to be a great way to meet people that I care about.

It honestly blows my World of Warcraft raiding and PVP days completely out of the water. If you're looking for community in video games, I definitely recommend getting invested in some RP. Immerse yourself and get wrapped up in some stories. Join some groups; make some friends. It's a lot more interesting than toxic public lobbies full of people who don't care about one another or any sense of community.