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You can see the list of blocked instances at /instances.
They are currently not blocked.
But they are. Posting from Lemmy.ml results in only Lemmy.ml users being able to see it, so they are blocked.
A fix for this was introduced in 0.18 and another one in 0.18.1. Version 0.18.1 is in release client 4 now, and lemmy.world just updated yesterday. Lemmy ml is still on 0.18.0 and doesn't have the 2nd fix yet. There are likely to be many causes to this, but consensus seems to be that federation has drastically improved since world upgraded to 0.18.1rc-4.
So, what to do? Just be patient. These are growing pains and known issues being tracked by devs and admins across instances. If Lemmy.ml and Lemmy.world wanted to defederate, they would do exactly that, instead of some silly shadow-defederation as you're suggesting.
If you want to follow the issue on GitHub, here is the link:
https://github.com/LemmyNet/lemmy/issues/3101
It’s not just a bug in the code. There are some scalability issues at play. Federation breaks silently (as in the user experience doesn’t change) under heavy load. Lemmy.world came up with a solution, but Lemmy.ml has yet to do anything. Upgrading helps with similar and other issues but doesn’t completely solve the servers being overwhelmed.
I agree. I noticed these issues start when lemmy.ml made their server upgrade awhile back when things were still on 0.17.4. Ruud (lemmy.world admin) mentioned in his pinned post some specifics that he had to do in order to get it working. I trust that these patch work solutions are being communicated back to the devs and trust that they are working on it. The good news is that they needed the traffic to Lemmy to uncover these issues in order to then fix them. All in due time.