In my neck of the woods we also get these classics:

Post from Jennifer DiGiacomo Cacciatore, CRS ABR SFR: "GUNSHOTS LAST NIGHT???"

"Last night I heard GUNSHOTS!!!!! Who else heard GUNSHOTS?!?!?! I can't believe someone would be commiting such acts of violence within a day of (the Fourth of July / Memorial Day / Veterans Day / New Year's)!!!! It sounded like several loud booming sounds, each accompanied by red flashes, followed by a sizzle. Is that some kind of tactical assault gun????"

Karyn Seitzier: I HEARD IT TOO IT WAS COMING FROM THE DIRECTION OF THE BASEBALL STADIUM AND IT WENT ON FOR 10 MINUTES!

Bob Hidalgo: order corn order corn siri siri siri stop go back about siri

Benny Tungus: Tactical assault gun??? Have you been getting the OTHER kind of lead exposure?

148 replies that begin as a slap fight between pro-gun and anti-gun Nextdoor users about semantics, and devolves into a much more vicious slap fight between gun nerds about the efficacy of bullpups

Monica Badlothian: It was actually fireworks. Which should be BANNED! My incredibly inbred Toy Schnauzadoodler got scared and spewed bloody diarrhea all over my new Ethan Allen couch! And GOOD LUCK getting my kid back to SLEEP when he woke up SCARED, I can barely stand to be around the little piece of shit ever since he have me varicose veins and my husband works third shift so I had to deal with it! I don't see ANY need to have fireworks, fireworks shows, concerts, or live music at bars!

20 replies from other cranks that want fireworks shows banned, culminating in people complaining that the cheap house they bought in the flight path of an airport has too many planes flying overhead

Post from Andre Garcia: "Young male thug casing neighborhood???"

"Two days now I have seen a young male between 5'8" and 6'4" walking down MY street, dressed like a thug in a HOODED sweatshirt, red shorts, and JORDANS! I couldn't see his face but I could see from his ashy legs that he is one of those. What business would he have bringing his negroid behaviors here? I live in this neighborhood because I can pass, nobody's mentioned ICE to me in years. Has anyone else seen this criminal?? We need to get him locked up!!"

Mark Hofsteder: CANT DO WHT WE USE 2 N E MORE..... TAKE HIM TO SWING FROM A TREE LIKE HIS COUSINS...... MAYB COULD FIRE SOME WORNING SHOTS?? -MARK

2 replies, one of which is just Mark trying to google roto-tillers

Timothy Higginbotham: What the hell is wrong with you? He's minding his own business, mind yours. Being black in a white neighborhood isn't a crime.

17 replies, of which 5 or 6 agree with Timothy and the remainder are just hand-wringing about property values and crime and blowing every dog whistle in the drawer

Mary Garcia: SHUT UP MEXICAN!!! UR GOING TO GO BACK!!!!!!!

Mark Hofsteder: WHOSE MEXICAN 'MARIA'?? -MARK