I honestly really want to move away from the city I love and lived in for decades. In the last 10 years I've moved three times to avoid the violence and it just follows me wherever I go. This year, a 16yo girl was killed in front of my home, two young girls were mugged and the thief attempted to carjack me to escape but he stopped when he saw my baby in the car seat, a man on the corner was shot to death for panhandling the wrong dude, my friend and neighbor was carjacked and hospitalized (she'll never be the same), a woman ODed in my driveway, my car was broken into twice, I've dragged my young daughter, on my back, through the front door to escape gunfire... Twice. This year!

Then there's the profiling.

And it's the same shit in every neighborhood. My HS friends want me to move back to [suburb] and, after years of saying no, I find myself seriously considering it.

The suburb where I grew up was and is a conservative, racist, white flight town. And it was hard being who I am. It's where I learned to truly hate cops. But I never thought I'd be killed by random violence. And my parents never dragged me by my shirt away from gunfire.

It may be a grass is greener situation, for sure. But I don't want to die and I don't want my family to die. I'm full of existential dread. I can't afford to move anyway.