I've been studying and practicing. I've become a 'wellusionist' where instead of mystifying and blowing people's minds I perform wellusions that put their minds back together and understand the world. (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago by FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

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I'm about to perform my first trick. If I could have a participant from this website raise their hand or come on up to the stage.

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[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

I'm done with that person. For my next trick I need someone who makes minimum wage.

[-] SodaBitch@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Me! I work at landscaping company in Texas.

[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Excellent. For my next wellusion I'm going to put your minds back together. Using historical dialectics I actually knew SodaBitch was going to be here today. So I invited their boss up here. Come on up, Bossman!

[-] YourBelovedBoss@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Hey everybody. I just really love small businesses and metaphysical thought.

[-] SodaBitch@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Oh wow, Bossman. I had noooo idea. I really was sick when I left work early, heheh.

[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Hahaha, I see you're more of an illusionist than myself, SodaBitch. Now, YourBelovedBoss, take out your wallet with all your cash that you own.

[-] YourBelovedBoss@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

It's empty. All my money's gone?

turns wallet upside down and shakes it a little visibly

[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

SodaBitch, take out your purse and show and tell the audience if you notice anything unusual.

[-] SodaBitch@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

There seems to be an extra $500 in there.

[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Exactly! That's the surplus value that your boss has stolen from you over the past 4.125 days! On top of your wage they had you work roughly twice as long throughout the day to pay their own "wage" in the form of profits! I made it appear through wellness magic and dialectics back into your own wallet.

[-] SodaBitch@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

Oh wowwww. This is great. But aren't wellusionists supposed to never reveal their tricks?

[-] FuckYourselfEndless@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

That's just your average, fascist illusionist. Us wellusionists don't need to hide our magic because it's real and observable all around us, all the time, through dialectical materialism.