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Parents
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this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.
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Take the hit?
No, that makes them bad.
It's not a "role."
I think you are so smug about how great a parent you are, that you might need some self-reflecting. These are some very questionable choices by you. I'd like to ask your kids how it's going when you're not around.
Figure of speech. The family took the hit on their pride, being the people they are. But life carried on. The kid is fine and happy.
No. An absent parent is an absent parent. What makes that person absent is what may make them bad parents.
A couple or a single parent that has to work long hours to provide for their house, which forces them to entrust their children to a school and care system are not bad people nor parents: they're just doing what they can to live and provide for their child or children.
A parent that is not present for their children because they can't be bothered to do so, when they could is a bad parent. A parent that just checks out to go to work, thinking that material possessions can fill the gap they create by not being around are absent but not bad. Stupid but not bad.
I stand by my words. Meddling in personal likings, interests and sexuality is not a role any parents should take. But feel free to elaborate on this point. I sense there was more to be said. I'm an adult; I can take a critique.
And I appreciate your concern for my children but it wasn't you that had to search help for feeling inadequate as a parent, because my own father was a sorry excuse of a human being and I didn't want to go down the same road.
I'm not passing judgement on you; how about you show me the same courtesy?
You can be absent physically and not be absent emotionally.
I think I understand where you're coming from on this. You think that it's the intentions behind it that makes a parent good or bad. I say that it's more than that. Does the child feel loved and safe? Then the other stuff is peripheral. If you're absent working and come hope happy to see your kid, then all the other stuff can be dismissed, imo. If Dad goes off to work for a month away, the kid will be mad and upset, but it's not life changing if they know they're loved.
From the "take the hit" comment, I thought you were coming from a different angle. I agree meddling is bad, but being a sounding board and learning from each other about their liking's, interests and sexuality is great. It sounded like you were completely hands off and not talking about it at all. Accepting the person as they are is the goal. Again, the feeling loved and safe part.
I'm glad you searched for help.
Again, the "take the hit" part made it sound like you were judging the kid. I apologize. I helped raised kids when I was too young to do so and made a lot of mistakes and have regrets. I wish someone would have been direct with me and I was offering what I would have wanted. Good discussion anyway.