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Anon faces a dilemma
(lemy.lol)
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this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2025
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Incorrect. She will sense something amiss and keep digging.
Maybe this sounds like sexism, but in my experience you cannot outsmart women about this type of stuff. Whatever deception your male brain comes up with will be like a 4-year-old trying to play chess with an adult.
Trying to continue the deception, now that you fucked up by attempting it for some reason, won't work. Refusing to talk about it won't work. Admitting you lied to her definitely won't work. Hiring a random woman to pretend to be your ex won't work. Faking your own death to escape the situation won't work. Going back in time and dating a real person and then incepting her memories so that she remembers you talking about this other real person won't work.
How do you win, then? You make decent money, you keep yourself fit and generally do what you're supposed to do, and you lose arguments and get outsmarted sometimes. All of a sudden shit will be fine. That is the winning.
No.
Its problematic if you set a boundary and the other person keeps pushing when you've said no and asked them drop it. Also, they don't have a right to that information and it has no materiality to them anyway but those are not necessary for you to set a boundary and insist they respect it
If you can't say no to her about something this simple, it will be worse when actually real and complicated life shit happens and you need to say no while the relationship is out of practice in accepting and honoring it when such tests and situations arise.
It really is that simple. You refuse to play the game (which you have no way of knowing if it is or isnt a game or test so its pointless to risk it anyway) and you offer yourself as you are now and ask that she does the same as she is now without looking back
Orfeo et Erudice is a good example of why you never look back lol
Edit: just want to comment on the lying part. Lies suck because they hand over control of your entire being over to someone else that you low or high key will feel the need to comply with to avoid detection. Its the cheapest and shittiest way to deal with a situation because it basically means you're willing to sign over your autonomy and freedom and being authentic over to someone else whom you felt you couldn't answer or respond to truthfully.
The truth is, you don't ever have to lie if you choose not to, you can always say some form of I can't answer that or its none of their business or you will talk with them about it in the future when you are ready.
Lying sucks on all sides of a relationship and its better to just refuse to answer or politely decline than ever have to track a single other lie again. Lying makes you a slave to people you wouldn't otherwise defer to and that makes it just terrible. If you've lied to someone you love, try to find a way to save face and bury it and move on so you're not worried about it. You can unilaterally decide not to address it in the future and that may be better but closure should always be the highest ideal you work towards.
"in my experience you cannot outsmart women"
Telling on yourself in a big way there bud.