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this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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I'm very accustomed to trying to do this because I remember everyone I've wronged and think about things in my past a lot.
I've realized however that apologizing doesn't mean that the person you've wronged because of an instance they've wronged you before will ever change how they treat you. Even if you two were best friends. I had a very toxic friend in highschool who never owned up to something he did to me and I never really got over it. Instead of moving on I fought back, but looking back I can at least acknowledge he is a narcissist and never wanted me to be happy in the first place. I wronged him by letting my emotions take over, but he was oblivious to the pain he put me or anybody else through. It's that mantra that keeps me from wanting to fight him again even if it's been years and years. I want to get over it and I think I can with enough change in my life but God damn I never thought I'd feel that kind of rage.
That's a very true distinction, apologizing doesn't necessarily mean the person has changed, but it is a sign that they've acknowledged they should have acted differently. I also had a friend who did some very stupid things and I'm sure she's oblivious to the pain she caused all around her, so I feel you with that one.