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What's the best part of your life right now?
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You gotta play hard to work hard, and work hard to play hard. Life is about balance. If you take loans out from your future, you still have to repay them. Always invest in yourself. I'm in a similar place as you, though not relationship wise, and I find the more I'm able to let go and carelessly lean into my actual interests, the better I feel. Weird how that works huh lol