I’ve been in this weird headspace lately where life is just… strange. On the surface, everything is fine. I go to work, eat relatively healthy, try to stay on top of errands, keep things running — the usual. But underneath it all, there's this constant feeling of dull pressure, like I'm being stretched thin by things that don’t really matter. It’s like I’m always busy, but rarely present.
Every day feels packed, but nothing sticks. I go through the motions, check off tasks, scroll a bit, eat, sleep, repeat. I end the day drained, like I ran a marathon in my head — but can’t really remember anything meaningful that happened. It’s not burnout in the dramatic sense, just this low-grade hum of tiredness and disconnection that never really turns off.
Socially, things have gotten quieter too. I barely see my friends anymore. Most of them are still into drinking and going out — stuff that used to feel exciting but now just feels... loud and repetitive. There was no big falling out. Just different rhythms now. Slower ones. And sometimes I sit with that and wonder if it’s just part of growing up, or if something deeper got lost along the way.
And then my brain starts spinning, usually late at night, when everything’s quiet. I start thinking about the future — and it honestly kind of scares me. Not in a dramatic, apocalyptic way, but in that creeping "things-are-moving-too-fast" way. AI is suddenly everywhere. Wars are happening in the background of our everyday lives. Economies feel fragile. Everything seems more unstable than it used to be, like we’re just pretending things are normal while the ground shifts under us.
And weirdly, my mind keeps drifting back to 2006. I don’t even know why exactly — maybe because it felt slower. Simpler. The internet was just fun and weird, not all-consuming. There were fewer screens, fewer existential threats in the news feed. Boredom existed, but it didn’t feel dangerous — it felt open. It felt like space to breathe. Now everything feels compressed, even rest.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I’m not miserable. But I feel… detached. Like I’m watching my life from the outside, waiting for it to feel like mine again. There’s this quiet emptiness running underneath everything, like background static. Not loud enough to break me, just enough to make everything feel slightly out of tune.
Anyone else feel like this? Have you figured out how to shake it — or at least live with it in a way that makes sense?
I am sorry to say that this is exactly what depression feels like. It feels like nothing.
It isn't a presence of misery, it's an absence of joy. A void of emotion. The peaks and valleys become hills and ruts, the horizons dim and the colors fade.
When your emotional landscape is flat and gray, very few emotions can still paint the world a different color. Namely, anxiety. Anxiety isn't really an emotion, it's a complex interface between stress and thought. Anxiety taps into the same fear centers that can wake us up from a deep sleep - it's a primal, fundamental neurological circuit that can and does break through the general malaise of depression.
This leaves you with the constant feeling of pressure. Normally, anxiety is dulled by the constant wash of normal human emotions, but when it's the only thing you can feel... it's rough. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Depression is a deep, tangled mess. There are environmental and genetic factors. Causes and treatments might be purely psychological, might not. Treatment for depression - pharmaceutical or psychological - is very often flawed but almost always better than no treatment at all.
There is no single solution, and depression tends to wane so slowly and subtly that it'll be hard to point to when or why you started to feel better. But you will feel better. And then you may feel worse again, so make sure you keep doing things that make you feel better... even when you don't feel bad right now.
Depression also mutes the emotions you feel from your own memories and the emotions you feel from your predictions of the future. We always live in the present. Our past and our future are just simulations running in our minds. When we're depressed, our past and future also becomes gray and anxious... even if the memories were once perfectly happy and the plans were once exciting and vibrant.
Whatever you do, it must be a part of a greater whole. Holistic treatment is key. Adjusting thought processes and habits, managing emotional responses, maintaining or improving your bodily health, speaking with professionals, taking on new hobbies and social engagements and personal responsibilities... all of these can help. All of these are hard to start.
Best of luck. Happy to talk more.