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So where are we all supposed to go now?
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I'll be honest, "dig through instances and code your own interface" is kinda where I'm at right now with Lemmy. I love Beehaw as an instance, but because of the demo it's attracted there are relatively niche topics I am interested in that it can't support an active community for. Those communities are already humming along on lemmy.world -- but I can't interact with them because of the (justifiable) decision to defederate from them due to moderation concerns.
So where does that leave me? I am trying to stand up my own instance right now... but the build directions available don't work for my homelab setup (for some reason the backend only responds to requests from localhost, which means I can't set Lemmy up to work with my existing reverse proxy?). I guess I could go rooting around in the code to change that, but at that point I'm committed to maintaining a personal fork of Lemmy just to be able to use it in a way that is analogous to how I used Reddit... which just worked out of the box.
I really wish that in addition to federation, Lemmy offered some sort of OAuth-style portable identity that would allow users to interact directly with instances off their "home" one. As it stands, the Fediverse has ended up a bit more balkanized than I think was intended or anticipated
you could sign up for a different site which isn't defederated from beehaw or the other instances you're interested in. lemm.ee for instance.
Sure, I could, but for me the whole appeal of a federated service is its interconnected nature. If I have to create an account on the "right" instance to interact with all the communities I'm interested in -- potentially repeatedly, given that operators may choose to defederate from each other at any time and for any reason -- that has already defeated the purpose of the exercise.
I see this as a major driver of the "default instance" issue that both Mastodon and Lemmy have experienced. If you both have a hard time finding content off your home instance and have no guarantee of continued ability to interact with that content down the road, the safest choice of home instance becomes whichever is biggest, and from there the network effects just make the problem progressively worse over time. Federated services need some way to reduce the friction of traversing the Fediverse if they're going to avoid that.
I guess I disagree with your assertion as to what is the 'purpose' of the fediverse. To me choosing associations is the point, so admins disconnecting from abusive instances fits well within that belief. If the fediverse meant accepting all input from all instances without question, I'd leave here as quickly as I did voat.
I don't mind creating a couple accounts on different instances as need be. Though I'm also the kind of person who had a handful of reddit accounts for various purposes, so I understand my perspective isn't likely the norm.
I agree though that based on your requirements, spinning up your instance might be the best bet.