Anyone else join Beehaw (or other queer spaces) out of a feeling of wanting to belong, before even realizing you were queer? (beehaw.org)

submitted 5 days ago by Hexarei@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I was curious. I joined Beehaw during the Great Reddit API migration, a few years ago at this point. I couldn't put a finger on why but I wanted to join a queer-friendly space. It just seemed like a good place to be, somewhere that seemed to have goals of inclusivity and being kind to one another that I thought sounded good. I wanted to belong somewhere like this place seems to want to be.

Then, years later, in Nov of 2024 my egg absolutely shattered and I came out to myself as trans. Then I just realized this morning that the timeline is kinda funny to me. Thought I'd ask and see how common that pattern was.

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[-] theangriestbird@beehaw.org 6 points 5 days ago

I can't speak to Beehaw specifically, but I think lots of folx become queer because they venture into queer spaces as an ally, and then they really enjoy the overwhelmingly friendly vibe, and then they start to wonder about their own gender and sexuality. Speaking mostly from my experience as a cis dude that has frequently questioned his own gender and sexuality over the past decade.

[-] Hexarei@beehaw.org 4 points 5 days ago

I dunno that it's likely that folks become queer as a result, but I think I know what you mean. perhaps that they recognize the reasons they felt a kinship with queer folks is because of their own queerness whether we really comprehended it intellectually or not.

It definitely rings true that we we wind up banding together regardless of whether we meant to!

[-] theangriestbird@beehaw.org 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I dunno that it’s likely that folks become queer as a result

yeahhh sorry didn't mean to offend anyone, I think I am flip about my word choice because I view the distinction as meaningless on a personal level. I don't really care if you "chose" to become queer or trans or if you always were and it was just hiding, your queerness is still valid either way! But I am realizing that that some may have strong feelings about the choice of language, and it is important to be respectful on that point.

[-] Hexarei@beehaw.org 3 points 3 days ago

No worries at all! I wasn't offended, just pointing out that others might find that wording confusing since it makes it sound like a choice to become what you are instead of a choice to accept yourself and embrace it. I agree though it's a rather meaningless distinction in the grand scheme of things: I chose to change the way I identify, even if my identity didn't actually change. I chose to embrace myself for who I am, rather than continue fighting the dispair and depression of living the lie I wasnt even aware was a lie.

I learned of gender dysphoria and realized I suffered from it and needed treatment. Did that turn me queer? Who cares, it's the moment I pivoted toward being the best me I can be! And that's what matters :-)

Thanks for being an ally, it's really clear you're on our side even if words are jard and you should never let anyone try and tell you that isn't good enough.