men who want to get involved with their kids find themselves constantly using female coded gear

This isn't an issue with baby carriers. Look at the top results on Amazon. They're mostly black or grey. Sure, more than 90% of the images with a parental figure show a woman, but the items themselves aren't "gender coded".

Given that, the idea here is that carrying around a baby is itself a gender-coded activity, so men need to use gender-affirming clothing to emphasize that they're not women by buying something that looks similar to what a soldier might wear. That's what's fucking stupid. Just buy the standard black baby carrier. I promise 90% of the world won't think you're less of a man because you're caring for your offspring.