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Call of Daddy (lemmy.ml)
submitted 22 hours ago by cm0002@piefed.world to c/funny@sh.itjust.works
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[-] exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 2 hours ago

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in my local birthing center's new parent training, and I've been involved in numerous home diaper changes, and I have over 300 confirmed formula bottles. I am trained in gorilla binkies and I'm the top "got your nose" player in the entire US playground system. You are nothing to me but just another babysitter. I will put your baby the fuck to naptime with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of nannies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your diaper genie. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can change your diaper in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in one-armed baby wipe retrieval, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the American Association of Pediatrics and I will use it to its full extent to wipe the miserable shit off your baby's butthole, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2025
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