I care about how the characters are coded, not the age that the author decided to give them (otherwise 800 year old dragon lolis would be ok i guess, but the people i'm arguing with would twist themselves in knots backtracking their points).

I get this point and agree with it, but damn are you explaining it terribly. It sounds like you'd agree with the 800 year old dragon loli thing.

And it still doesn't excuse it if the character is coded mostly like an adult, but with something like the school uniform.

Also, what even is the point. If i were a teen you'd say that my opinion would change with age, and if i told you that i am an adult you would either call me a pedo or a loser for caring about said stuff.

Right, but one of those is just being ignorant because you're young and the other is something much worse. If you said you were like 20 then it wouldn't be completely not sus, but it would be much more worth being charitable than if you're closer to 30.

but the people i'm arguing with would twist themselves in knots backtracking their points

As others correctly said, it's not just one quality but several qualities that are each necessary conditions for something not being pedo shit. People who like whatever the My Dress-Up Darling protag are creeps and so are people who like the dragon lolis because both are ways of appealing to a fantasy of fucking a minor. That's the logical conclusion when you try to analyze the social meaning of something rather than look at it as a permission structure for when it's okay to wank it to drawings of kids.