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Little Timmy Tables
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this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2025
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It's a lot of individual tables because Santa's excel struggles with anything past a few hundred thousand rows. It's not just names, but addresses, lists of desires, and so on.
There are around 2 billion children. If you wonder why he skips so many children, it's not religion or poverty, it's because Santa's files got corrupted.
In an unfortunate coincidence, the tables were sorted by the children's parents' annual income, so it was the poor kids whose data was lost. That's why rich kids get more presents.
Copilot is going to ruin Christmas.
Santa already extrapolates data for children without lists but with generative AI, we're going to see new and exciting ways to disappoint children this Christmas!