I was at a party where this very handsome guy kept making moves and initiating. It felt so nice to be chosen out of many people, and the chats were good rather than superficial small talk. After a while he asked "my place or yours?" No matter how much my mind was aware that I am not the type of person who can carelessly hook up and I get attached, my heart couldn't say no in the moment. So we went to his and hooked up. We were also drunk which didn't help. Full disclosure, he couldn't get completely hard, and I wonder if it has to do with me but he said it's probably because he's drunk. We mutually did other intimate things too, and cuddled afterwards which got me - he was giving compliments and being sweet.
Then it got weird. I couldn't sleep and woke him up once after which he turned over and at one point said "get out". He was in and out of sleep with eyes closed, but it was very clearly said. He also claims that he doesn't remember anything after he hit the bed. So does that mean it's possible he was dreaming/sleeptalking and it wasn't directed at me? I accidentally left something small at his place and he added me on social media later on saying he found it. We sent a few flirty messages back and forth across a few days, and he recently asked about my weekend plans but is now ghosting me for the second time.
I just feel old and stupid. I naively thought there could be something this time but they are all the same. I hate that I fell for it and couldn't control myself. What should I do or say now? We're in a professional organization (although not a workplace) where word travels fast, my friends all saw us and were so curious, and I really care what our peers think of me. I asked when he was drunk to keep this between us so I'm afraid it didn't register deeply enough. Should I have a real talk with him, and if so, over food or just a talk in person or over the phone? I feel so lost. Please help me out, friends. Thank you!
On the part about "get out", I saw he could have been dreaming or sleeptalking and I wanted to say that too. I'm told I talk in my sleep. Talk is an understatement. I'm told I say extremely hurtful, offensive, vicious things in my sleep, often directed towards people who I have no ill feelings against. I'm talking about cussing, insulting their personality traits, going down deeply psychological analysis of them, using words an phrases that aren't common (as in rarely used, often intellectual words) screaming, punching and kicking in the air as if I were fighting them, all sorts of stuff very out of character of me.
I try to warn people about it if I'm planning on sleeping around them but even with a heads up, people usually aren't prepared for the things I'm told I say. I didn't even know I did it for a very long time, then after one friend had a serious talk with me about it and I shared the conversation with family members did I learn that it is a very common thing for me to do and I've been doing ever since I could first speak.
Maybe it's some sort of mental illness or repression or something but for the most part, the people I'm told I scream at when I'm asleep are people I deeply care about and never does my conscious mind ever have these thoughts or an urge to scream at anyone.
So it could be a red flag that the guy said "get out" but it still could be a sleep talking thing that he doesn't even know he does. I would bring it up with him directly in a non-confrontational but still serious manner. Ask him if he remembers doing it and what it meant. How he responds should help you decide if he is worth pursuing.
As for the ghosting, I've always used a 'three strikes and your out' rule. Things come up, I get it. If they come up a lot, they're out of my life.