But if I’m not home, my AC is off, fridge isn’t running at that moment, all of that power gets dumped onto the grid.

And if it couldn't do that, your solar panels would warm up a little bit and nothing else of consequence would happen. Ditto for your neighbors' solar panels, and everybody else's. Whoop-de-do.

It wouldn't even cause a net increase in the urban heat island effect, because if that energy weren't hitting solar panels it would just be heating up people's roofs instead.

Sure, the energy company pays a pittance for the energy I put onto the grid, but it’s still payment. I’m not gonna put a dummy load on my house to not export power

You're conflating an technological problem with an economic one. The only reason you claim my proposal wouldn't work is because you don't want it to because it cuts into your profit.