I have recently started talking to a therapist after getting extremely exhausted last year. It got to the point were my brain just didnt function and just thinking and keeping track of thoughts was extremely difficult for the first 4-8 hours of the day.

After alot of back and forth we've come to the conclusion that i do have some sort of trauma and alot internalized expectations that is making my daily life a struggle. I have grown alot as a person during the last 5-10 years, so its not very weird that these discrepencies between what i accept of others vs what i expect of myself now catch up and clash.

For example. I have made my own opinions on many topics that was not very accepted when i grew up. I have never wanted to fault anyone or make anyone feel bad but the "norm" of where i grew up still included alot of hostility and fear of anything alternative. Nowadays i am completely accepting and respecting of everyone and anyone, whatever sexuality, gender identity, ethnicity or disabilities that may include. But i cant accept that for myself for some reason.

I talked to a friend the other day and they told me something interesting. They said that these internalized fears or messages are just a defense the brain has learnt to automatically use to keep us safe. That made alot of sense to me, atleast in my situation.

But then my question is, how do you even start breaking that down? I feel like Ive been wanting to explore many of these topics for so long but my brain is just finding any and all reason to be afraid.

I have never really had anyone to talk to this about. Not necessarily because I think they would judge me but mostly because my brain is constantly trying to stop me. Ive just recently found some people that I am, for the first time, atleast somewhat comfortable to share some of this with, and just that took a lot to actually get the words out of my head.

Any tips and pointers are appreciated.