to me its a game where the stakes are relatively low; you can die a lot and it doesn't really matter.

That's the big key part, right alongside combat loops that are built around getting to iframe/quickly reposition out of attacks or otherwise mitigate them on reaction/prediction. People always incorrectly focus on the difficulty aspect when the important parts are the QoL features like "dying literally does not matter just try again" and the tools it provides for players to overcome challenges in more reactive and streamlined ways than more traditional "just face tank it lmao" or "play cover" or "just run around until the boss sits down and exposes its weakpoint" styles of combat.