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[-] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 week ago

I appreciate the effort to be helpful, and I do see your point, but honestly I tried for so long to "get better" that it ultimately ended up feeling more like a carrot on a stick. It was more painful to hold out hope that I could get better, while slowly realizing that I probably never will, than it was to simply accept that I'll always be this way and learn to make my peace with that instead.

And in the past couple years, I've made more progress merely in terms of peace of mind, just by accepting that my life will probably never get better, than I did in all the years of earnestly (and at times desperately) striving to get better and improve my life or the world around me.

As long as it felt like there was a chance, I yearned for it. Now that I've lost all hope, I'm at peace. It sounds paradoxical and contradictory, but I've been much more mentally stable lately and it's now been over a year since my last trip to a mental hospital. And for me that's an accomplishment.

As for the negative self-talk, I do have boundaries. There are some things that seriously bother me and I know which of my own buttons not to push. Usually stuff related to the things I've been put down by others for throughout my life.

But if having dark humor about my depression or being a social outcast helps me cope, then why can't I? People act like that's so toxic, but they also treat depression like it's contagious and basically shun me for even talking about it. So what's more toxic, my self-deprecation or the social stigma that's attached to mental health?

I just find it kind of insulting that people avoid me because I'm so pathetic, but for some reason I'm not allowed to acknowledge how pathetic I am? As if I'm supposed to be completely oblivious and totally lacking in self-awareness?

Even if I tried being confident people would just call me arrogant because deep down I have nothing really to feel confident about. And this sort of mixed messaging has been weaponized against me my whole life. This back-and-forth where any time I take people's advice, they turn around and fault me for that too.

No matter what I do, it's always the wrong thing. So I'm done trying to please people. Just let me be pathetic, it's much better for my mental health than pretending I'm anything else.

this post was submitted on 04 May 2026
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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