36
what up?
I have a friend like that who'll be looking at guy and thinking "wow, what a loser... I want to embrace him so bad".
I'd identify her as "pitysexual". 🌚
She single?
If she's not you're going to be so cute to her when you hear the news.
- She's not.
- If she was, guy coming to a country that is a goddamn warzone, to chase a girl who likes losers, would definitely land among hottest things by pitysexual standards.
"I'm not afraid to die, but I am afraid to die alone."
/hurriedly jots down notes
Where are the women like that near me?
Oh God. that is my husband in a nutshell.
When he started to cook, (I can burn water.. ugh) he was so earnest and flopped many times.. (among the notables were a mushroom velvet that turned into liquid potting soil, apple-salt loaf, eggs bhopal, onions napalm, chicken hiroshima..)
It's sweet and I love him to bits because at least he tried and when he finally got it..
Dayummm!!!
That's basically me now, but without the girl. Hoping it pays off someday and until then, I can have some fun!
ayyy that was my last partner's dynamic with me too! it's a legit strategy
If that was true, I wouldn't be painfully isolated and alone.
She loves public displays of flounder.
Weeping here to pictures of frogs isn't public enough.
Or perhaps she loves someone who tries and fails?
Failure without trying is just giving up.
Is there any difference?
You ain't meeting anyone shit posting here...
Uh... yeah? I don't see the point you are trying to make.
Maybe they want to be the competent one, but I can also see the appeal in someone who is comfortable with who they are and happy to try things they aren't good at.
Personally I find competence in something hot, I love when guys are good at doing something. But nobody is good at everything and willingness to step out of your comfort zone is also hot.
Close: They wish to be incompetent together.
Also you've just described "If they can't be handsome. They should at least find you handy. " Which is advice passed down since the times of old
“Well now, how about the idea of you letting me disappoint you in an otherwise noble attempt to please?”
Is there a pattern to people like this?
Sure, love is blind and different people have different reasons, but it'd be really interesting to find out there also happens to be a "bang-the-pathetic-one" gene.
One side of it is the vulnerability and embarrassment. Like, swap the genders and you've got the old-school "ditzy secretary" trope, "Oh no, I spilled coffee all over your important papers! You're not mad at me are you?" There's probably no specific gene anymore than there's a "attracted to ditzy secretary" gene.
There can be other dynamics at play with the way men tend to put on fronts. Guy fails at something, the front drops, they're suddenly in unfamiliar territory, you're seeing a side they don't show to the world. You can see how they handle stress, like do they throw the controller or do they get mopey or what, it can show emotional maturity.
Unearned confidence or overconfidence can also be hot. Like, guy who isn't actually that good at anything but believes in himself 100% and bounces back from disappointment always looking to prove himself and show off, there's something kind of endearing about that, and it might make them more approachable and relatable than someone who's actually just good at everything.
Basically there's a lot of stuff it can tap into and the D/s dynamic is often a big factor but not necessarily the only one.
my ex said that my attempts at savoir faire were endearing and that she just liked that I was okay with not being the smartest or funniest person in the room. I assume to attract that type you have to embody this kind of energy? she might have been entirety unique in what she wanted or saw in me.
but she did also say there is a genuine thing where some women just fuck a guy out of pity, so maybe I was one of those. there also was discourse a few years back before covid about whether pathetic dudes are more loyal because they see their partners as gods or if the confidence goes to their ego and they get notions after the first taste of any positive attention. either way, seems like a risky gamble
That's funny, because whenever I try to be self-deprecating, women just call me insufferable...
gotta know your audience, you know there isn't one thing that everyone finds attractive
You're right, I'll just learn how to be a mind reader before I make any attempts at humor
theres a big difference in being self depricating and making light about sucking at something.
Which one is the socially acceptable one?
making light..
you see that (missed) shot? haha nba here I come!
its funny cuz you missed.
And how is that different from self-deprecation?
Without any examples and as a third party to this discussion I would guess it’s probably because one is said with a positive albeit sarcastic yet chipper delivery. Self deprecation sounds more negative or pouty to me which can be a huge turn off. Even if someone is really good at something when they are always negative about themselves it gets old really fast.
Well I have chronic depression so if I try to sound chipper it will sound insincere.
If women really found pathetic men attractive I would be a total catch.
The fact is, that the guy who missed the shot was on the team, so he can't be that pathetic...
I have cronic depression too.
Better to say nothing then, or even to be an incincere positive is infact better. Least you tried in that case. One thing I was taught, that helps, is to stop all negative self talk, both outloud and in my head, as soon as I realize I am doing it. example: "Im so fucking stupid" Wait, I am not stupid "actually, I made a mistake and I feel embarrassed". Reframe. The second statement is more honest anyway.
I was reluctant to try this at first because it seems foolish, but after making an effort, it, um, helps, a lot more than I thought.
Could you try that? Nix the neg. self talk?
You did it just now here, "...women really found pathetic men attractive I would be a total catch". Stop that shit, there is literally no point in calling yourself pathetic except to self harm ur psyche. So, could you please, work on calling yourself out for it? Quit negative self talk, and maybe you can be funny again like the rest of us depressed folk.
as for the meme, mad people play pick up basket ball. We dont know if the person in the post was on an offical team or not.
I appreciate the effort to be helpful, and I do see your point, but honestly I tried for so long to "get better" that it ultimately ended up feeling more like a carrot on a stick. It was more painful to hold out hope that I could get better, while slowly realizing that I probably never will, than it was to simply accept that I'll always be this way and learn to make my peace with that instead.
And in the past couple years, I've made more progress merely in terms of peace of mind, just by accepting that my life will probably never get better, than I did in all the years of earnestly (and at times desperately) striving to get better and improve my life or the world around me.
As long as it felt like there was a chance, I yearned for it. Now that I've lost all hope, I'm at peace. It sounds paradoxical and contradictory, but I've been much more mentally stable lately and it's now been over a year since my last trip to a mental hospital. And for me that's an accomplishment.
As for the negative self-talk, I do have boundaries. There are some things that seriously bother me and I know which of my own buttons not to push. Usually stuff related to the things I've been put down by others for throughout my life.
But if having dark humor about my depression or being a social outcast helps me cope, then why can't I? People act like that's so toxic, but they also treat depression like it's contagious and basically shun me for even talking about it. So what's more toxic, my self-deprecation or the social stigma that's attached to mental health?
I just find it kind of insulting that people avoid me because I'm so pathetic, but for some reason I'm not allowed to acknowledge how pathetic I am? As if I'm supposed to be completely oblivious and totally lacking in self-awareness?
Even if I tried being confident people would just call me arrogant because deep down I have nothing really to feel confident about. And this sort of mixed messaging has been weaponized against me my whole life. This back-and-forth where any time I take people's advice, they turn around and fault me for that too.
No matter what I do, it's always the wrong thing. So I'm done trying to please people. Just let me be pathetic, it's much better for my mental health than pretending I'm anything else.
Very true, in a lot of ways I imagine it takes a lot of confidence to be “pathetic” in a way that was being referred to initially and confidence goes a long way, especially if it isn’t arrogant or hurtful towards others.
If they have confidence, then they can't be very pathetic. Unless OOP and I have different definitions of pathetic...
true, he's not allowed to be better than me at anything
this post was submitted on 04 May 2026
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