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this post was submitted on 20 May 2026
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Wow, my Bayliner V20 just outperformed a Cybertruck. Who knew?
In a parallel universe... DOGE Musk deploys his cybernavy in a attempt to blockade the Strait of Hormuz. A flotilla of teslas was dropped into the waters only to immediately burst into flames due to the salt water. A 2nd wave of cars stationed on a base in Egypt sympathetically started smoking. "They were fully-automated and remoted-in and we couldn't turn them off without a forced uptdate", said reassigned Space Force baseman. Musk sent a recall patch to the surviving smoldering fleet. The cars (including 14,211 unrelated privately-owned teslas) started self-driving to the nearest Tesla repair dealership located in Tallahassee, Florida... from Egypt. An estimated loss of 111 trillion dollars is estimated, but experts officially stopped counting and just declared the entire Tesla brand defunct. 15 years later rusty empty cars encrusted with barnacles are still reported pulling into dealerships that have long since turned into vacant lots or Taco Bells.