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this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2026
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Asklemmy
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A lot of people spend a lot of time on an extrinsic search for intrinsic meaning. There isn't one. The value and meaning of your life can only be self-determined. That feels impossibly heavy at first, but as you come to embrace it, there is an incredible freedom in it. If there is any determinant of adulthood, that's it - to be self-defined. To that end, there are no "rules" about what your life must look like - marriage, kids, home ownership, whatever else are all options, but not compulsory. It's up to you to determine what it is that you actually want.
The other marker of adulthood, I think, is to have come to terms with your childhood. It sounds like you think your father was given advantages that he hasn't seen fit to pass on to you, and you understandably have some feelings about it. Family of origin issues can really cloud your mind until you sort through and come to terms with them. Talking to a therapist about it (or bar that, reading some books on the subject) could be of some value. A lot of people go through their lives reenacting patterns they observed in their parents or projecting their unmet needs from childhood onto others, to their own detriment. This is work that you have to do yourself; no one can "fix" you.
Comparison will not get you anywhere. Consider who you want to be, and then start taking steps in that direction. Once you have set out on that journey, you may encounter others on their own journeys or you may not, but you won't have your self-worth riding on the outcome.