87
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2023
87 points (89.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43755 readers
1241 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
I agree with parts of this, but don’t know how to put this delicately: this is a very reasonable opinion to hold if you aren’t in the position that most of your dating partners could relatively easily kill you.
I think ghosting should only be done in the case of safety concerns (in which case, I agree, you’re not thinking about work awkwardness), but waiting until someone’s hit you is suicidal. In the case of, let’s say, a 25 year old woman, she’s statistically likely to have been getting harassed in public for more than a decade, and likely has a good idea about when something feels off. It’s not reasonable to expect her to initiate a conversation that the other person might take as an attack if it feels like it’s not safe to do so. With unstable people, simply becoming less interesting to them, by responding less and less can be a safer way to end things than by provoking them.
Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that only heterosexual men are violent in relationships and only heterosexual women are abused. I am saying that due to standard phenotypic differences, this type of violence is most likely to be catastrophic even in small doses. I’m a large woman (178 cm/5’10”), and taller than my fiancé, but when he cracks my back, for example, it’s very clear to me that he could squeeze me to death without too much trouble. My sister played rugby for a decade and did martial arts for several years, she’s strong as fuck. She used to wait a month or two to spar with her new male teammates, because an untrained but relatively fit man would generally be able to accidentally seriously injure her. This got way off topic, sorry.
TL;DR: waiting until a person has hit you is too long to wait when that one hit can be fatal