It's amazing how much ADHD I've been fighting moment to moment without realizing it.
I work in a bit of a chaotic job where work is generally self directed and I get a constant flow of email, messages, and people coming to talk to me. I just got my ADHD diagnosis and have an appointment for medication coming up. I decided to do an activity log to see what I was doing in a day so I could compare before and after medication.
I tried to plug in my phone 4 times in the span of an hour before I finally did it. Like had the end of the charger and my phone in hand and got distracted because I realized I forgot/needed to do X, Y, Z. I set out the day with a goal and before I knew it I had a half dozen half written messages, a longer Todo list, and no work done towards what I needed. Guess what I'm doing this evening? Lol
How long has this been going on? I knew I was struggling with motivation and focus, but it blows my mind how present it is moment to moment.
Fingers crossed for medication.
I would highly recommend doing an activity journal as a point of reference. Within a day it has already put things into perspective for me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD a little over 10 years ago, and I'm now in a job where I actually feel like my neurodivergence threatens my productivity. I've been dragging my feet finding a doctor and getting another Rx, but I really need to get it done.
No one ever asks me what living with ADHD is like, but I keep picturing that cold open from Malcolm In the Middle where Hal comes home and sees the garage bulb is out. But to replace it, he pulls out the ladder, which he then realizes is wobbly and unsafe. So he goes to the tool drawer in the kitchen to get the screw driver, but realizes the action on the drawer is sticky. So he goes to the pantry in the back of the house to get the WD-40. Meanwhile, now Lois comes home and sees this string of half-started projects strewn about the house and yells to Hal to ask what he's doing, and now he's so perturbed, he yells back in annoyance: "I'm changing the light bulb, what does it look like?!" or something along those lines.
That's almost exactly my experience.
Yes, that's exactly the feeling. https://youtu.be/AbSehcT19u0
I hope you are able to find a doctor and get some relief.