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How does the VPS know how to find your rpi?
Could you not just use something like duck dns on a cronjob and give out that url?
Since the VPS is doing your TLS termination, you would need an encrypted tunnel of some sort. Have you considered something like Istio? That provides mTLS out of the box really.. I've never seen it for this kind of use case but I don't see why it wouldn't work.
The vps communicates with the rpi through a vpn.
I have not heard of duck dns nor lstio, but I'll check it out when I get home.
Istio is a service mesh. You basically run proxies on the vps and the rpi. The apps make calls to localhost and the proxy layer figures out the communication between each proxy.
Duck dns is just a dynamic dns service. It gives you a stable address even if you don't have a static ip.
How would I use that in this situation? I don't get it. I already have a vpn set up to communicate between the two devices, and have been successfully running multiple services in this configuration for about a month. It's just XMPP that I'm having trouble with.
It auto discovers machines/instances/VMs/containers in the mesh and figures out the secure routing on the fly. If you couldn't ensure a consistent IP from the home address it wouldn't matter.. The service mesh would work it out.
It is probably overkill for this project though.. Something to think about...
I already have a constant ip on the vpn I still don't get it, sorry