It seems like we just have a difference of opinions, so I'm happy to agree to disagree, but just so that you don't think I ghosted, I'll at least reply.

The word hate in this context was meant more in the sense of "haters", like unnecessary disparagement for the sake of disparagement, which seems in line with your use of the word ridicule.

I'm not sure what you personally would have preferred, but I do not think that this is particularly vague, given the context and the market. If someone's parent or grandparent walks into an Apple store and is confronted with the base model, and then a pro, a pro max, and a mini, I feel like they will get an overall sense of how those differ. You'll likely get people saying, well, I don't need anything too fancy, I just use it to take calls and maybe look some stuff up, so I probably don't need a pro, but I definitely don't want the mini version, so maybe I'll check out the base model, and if that is still too small, I'll check out the pro max, even though I might not need the Pro aspect, I might like the Max aspect. Mini and Max makes sense in this context as part of an overall spectrum that a layperson could understand. I guess the argument could be that they could give the screen size specifically, but then it would need a different name depending on local usage of the metric system or not. Also, a lot of people don't understand that some electronics are measured on the diagonal, so that might also be confusing. S/SE Is probably The worst bit of their naming conventions, and they worked on that.

I think it's pretty evident that the reason they did not choose pretzel rectangle was because those words are not very information dense, or relevant to the product. I feel like this is kind of proving my point?

Considering the market, I don't think that most people need the general name of the device to have every single specification included. So long as each iteration is distinct, and understandable, people who actually care about what chip is in it can find the information readily. I don't think most consumers care about a17 or M2, or bionic, or whatever else, and if anything that kind of technical jargon would be more obfuscating.