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this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
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I just say “it’s personal, and I won’t be discussing it.” If they don’t want to hire me because of it, I don’t want to work there anyway.
It’s absolutely none of their business what I was doing, especially that I went into a deep depression after my mom died and my live-in ex cheated on me while I was caring for her, and then spent a couple years selling her non-sentimental possessions to live off. And I’m not willing to make up some bullshit to hide it either, it happened and I’m not ashamed of it, but I’m not sharing it with interviewers. Meh meh.
Wow, tough situation. Glad you got through it.
I tried to found a startup with a buddy. He had a great idea, but it turned out that he didn't have the technical chops to fulfill his end. Bummed around after that on money and stocks from my previous gig. When I finally tried to get a job again, I couldn't get a callback to save my life.
I kept moving down the food chain all the way to regular physical labor. I couldn't even get a job at a vet or grocery store. Having major tech employment on my resume meant they knew I'd bounce the second I had the opportunity. It was a toxic dilemma resume: too high of a former position to qualify for something like retail, too long without a job to qualify for other office jobs.
I got back on top through a temp gig. Having recent employment got other tech employers to actually consider me again, and I've been ok since. I never would have imagined what that gap could do to make me impossible to hire.
Unfortunately this all happened in my early 20s, I went to college after, but there’s still a big gap that can’t be explained by school alone (and it’s a gap because I had military service prior to that which I always list)
I got stuck on the tempy-go-round (only able to find contracts due to gaps, and too many contracts to land a permanent job - several employers asked why I prefer contracts… I don’t, it’s all I could get.. but that answer is it’s own can of worms..). I finally found a permanent job and realized I spent so much time on contracts that I can’t do the same thing day in day out for more than a year without driving myself bonkers. Ultimate catch-22.
So I’m going back to contracts. However, not entry level desperation contracts, ones actually using my degree. Covid remote work was an absolute silver lining for my field - used to be impossible to find positions, now they are there and pay super well (6 mths to make what I make in a year now), but mostly contract.
Good on you man. It's critical to work somewhere that respects people for their skills and work ethic. Not arbitrary expectations.
Similar situation myself.
Some places will understand. Many don't. I'll be either brutally honest in a interview or I'll set those boundaries.