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hootenannies
(lemmy.ml)
I don't know honestly at this point I've stopped asking questions
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this post was submitted on 22 Sep 2023
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Friend is trying to start a conversation and catch up, "Me" is being weirdly antisocial about the whole thing.
Like, if you dislike this person that much, tell them you don't want to be their friend any more, instead of suffering inside at how much you hate interacting with them, and leading them on.
That's a weird take on this. Not liking or being good at small talk does not equate with disliking the person. It certainly doesn't mean you "hate interacting with them".
Talking to a friend you haven't seen in a while about what's new in your life is basically the opposite of "small talk'. I can empathize with those kind of social interactions being hard for some people, but it's a social skill that's worth either practicing or finding alternative paths to accomplish if you want to make and keep friends.
I'm very socially awkward, I don't understand the issue here. No one's going to be mad at you for saying "Meh, not really, what about you?"
The expectation that the answer will change over time wears one down when it doesn't.
Sure, but I wouldn't really find the process of starting the conversation to find that out "small talk". Even if there's not a lot new most of the time, to me small talk has to be the kind of banal and meaningless conversations that basically never lead into those 'real' ones. How's the weather, what about that local sports team, did you see someone bought that house/building/store down the road, etc.
I think the complicated thing is there are people you don't really know, acquaintances, where the generic "how's the wife and kids" is small talk, because they don't actually really care, it's just a generic greeting thing. But a friend asking that is different, imo.
When you masturbate all day wearing a helmet, that simple "What's up?" can be quite painful.
If it is small talk depends on your answers. If they are flippant like the examples given above, then they are small talk. But it can also give a jumping off point to talk about whatever you have on your mind.
I think the "Me" was saying that they've done literally nothing new or interesting and has nothing to answer the question with. The distress is from thinking about how little they are doing and feeling pressure to admit that to their friend, transforming a light conversation to a heavy one.
That our I've been up to nothing I'm willing to talk about or admit.......
Completely forgets (or ignores) the fact that some people just don't like their lives and avoiding thinking about it is what helps them get through the day. And that others legitimately have nothing new going on that they can discuss with those outside their inner circles. Like, I'm not going to tell someone I haven't seen in a couple years all about the adult novel I'm looking forward to releasing in December, or that time I moved and nothing about it went well to the point it was mildly traumatic, so yeah, they're going to get a "meh, not much. keeping busy. work and stuff. you?" at the most generous.
Look small talk is all well and good but don't keep pressing for info on what I've been up to because telling you all about how I've been spending most of my days as a puddle of self hatred on the couch doesn't make for good small talk
Just start with the topic you want to talk about. I would never message someone with small talk nonsense like "what's up" or "how's it going", etc, etc.