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this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
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Ah, yeah~ I actually wasn't really into chess, but I was intrigued about how it might actually work in practice. Like, perhaps a code taken from chess notation, and then optimized to keep messages to a minimum. Such messages are then composed of bursts of vibration, some longer and less intense, and some short but intense. This is where my mind went to bandwidth, lol! How fast can you alternate "dots" and "dashes" such that they would still remain distinct from one another, and not be perceived as just one long buzz session?
It's the first case that I thought about when I first heard of this. Kinda like braille, but for butts. And then rather than use your fingers, you clench your butt. That way, one can operate a chess computer while seated in a tournament. At the end of it, I was like "that's some serious kegel action!"
An accomplice sending the necessary hints/information would be more plausible, I think. And now that I'm thinking about it, electrical impulses (through the skin, like in the small of the back, another sensitive area) might do the trick as well, perhaps going full braille action this time.)
But yeah, I just enjoyed overthinking about something like this. No offense meant to anyone. I'm just like "maybe it's stupid enough to work?"
I find that the overthinking can be fun, but the most common cheating method is to simply relay the position on the board that contains the piece to move.
For example, let's say that the best move would be to move a pawn on b4 (same column as White's left most bishop, in the 4th row) a signal would be transmitted of two short "signals", a long pause, and then four more short "signals". Thinking in Morse, this would be "../....".
This tells the cheater that the correct move is made by the piece in the second column, fourth row, and thats usually all a top level player will need. They can stop calculating any move that isn't from that piece, and there's usually one move that is clearly better from that pieces immediate moves. The difficult part is now finding which follow-up moves are the best and how to punish your opponent for not playing them (which they would have been doing anyways, just with many more possible start points)
This method has been used in the past with a device that will send a non-painful but noticeable electric shock to a player (usually on their thigh), and because these individuals got caught there are now methods in place at top level tournaments to try and prevent external cheating devices from entering the playing hall (ex/ they pat you down to try and feel something rigid on your leg).
Thats where the butt plug theory comes in; it could theoretically pass through a standard metal detector, a security guard isn't going to check your prostate for cheating devices, and it can still theoretically be used to communicate via 0s and 1s.
My analysis didn't really go deep (pun unintended) into the details of how the information might be encoded, but taking a cue from what you'd said, position can be encoded into six bits:
000;000would bea1(white king's rook starting position, right?) andh8would be111;111b4would then be001;011. Perhaps we can save things into just three bits (there are just seven unique pieces in chess: pawn, rook, knight, white bishop, black bishop, queen, and king) if we just need to communicate which piece is to be moved. Maximally, the accomplice can communicate both the piece and the destination in nine bits, though following this discussion, it seems there's not much need for it, and it'd introduce complexities that would hamper comprehension (like having to distinguish between the three cases so far: position of the piece to be moved, the piece to be moved, or the piece to be moved and the location of the destination).As for how to send information (as opposed to receiving), there's only one signal that would be needed, if the accomplice is watching a live feed of the match: "Help!" which would be a continuous anal clench, or something fanciful as clenching
SOSto avoid any random anal clenching to be mistaken for a call for help.Now, as for a cheating device inside a butt plug not triggering a metal detector, I don't know for certain, but I've got no reason to disbelieve you. If there's someone that manages to pull it off though (the entire thing, sneaking in a device up their butt and using it to cheat at live chess competitions), I'd love to hear about the details.
While 6 bit encoding is definitely a more efficient way to transmit the data, when it comes to stuff like this transmission speed is rarely a consideration. In high profile tournaments, players may have several hours each during a game (for example, the game in which Niemann is alleged to have cheated used a time format of 2 hours for the first 40 moves, +1 hour upon reaching move 40, and +30 seconds after completing every move after the 40th. Across 2 players, and assuming they make the 40th move, that's a 6 hour game total).
So when it comes to things like this, the main considerations are accuracy in transmission and comprehension of the message. If the player has to compute from binary to the board (which is an albeit really easy skill), there is still a chance that they can misinterpret the data. For this reason, most formerly caught "at the board" cheaters have used the simple "count columns, count rows" method.
More complex cheaters (who do not use an accomplice) have in the past gone to the washroom to find a stashed chess computer, plug in the position, see what the computer thinks, and come back.
Even amongst some top players, it's not uncommon for someone to play a move and then go to the washroom for up to 30 minutes and come back to see how their opponent responded. I mention this to further emphasize that 1) spending a really long time not making a move is relatively common and 2) while most cheating does occur in longer periods of thought, that in itself is not an indicator for cheating.
As for your mention of sending information, it can be a lot simpler than what you proposed. Since this method requires a relatively unrestricted view of the board, it is more than likely they will also be able to see the player, making physical signals a far easier method of communicating "HELP!!!" than becoming a kegel master. You could organize before hand something like "if I run my left hand through my hair and shake my head, I need help", and upon seeing this the accomplice could transmit the piece location.
And my theory about the butt plug being able to be smuggled through a metal detector is not based in a proven fact, but rather the assertion that if you could get one through a metal detector, which may or may not be possible, there would be no other checks in place to prevent a player from entering a hall with one.
Ah, I see. That's why the encoding you detailed in your previous reply is such.
This made me laugh out loud. But yeah! I was so fixated on making a butt plug-mediated communications protocol that I overlooked a far low-tech, but more effective method. And if detection is a danger, the gestures used can be changed up and agreed upon before the match. One match might have massaging the forehead as the signal, another match could have scratching behind the right ear.
I see. So we're both coming from the assumption of "if it were possible, how might it go?"
Isn't this easy to catch though? Inspect the restrooms players have access to and periodically inspect them when no one's using it. Of course, this doesn't stop a determined cheater stashing a small device inside a pack of wet wipes, for example. Heck, if I were in that situation, I'd probably just stash a smartphone inside a supposed pack of wet wipes. It's boring, not as sensational as a butt plug for sure, but if it works, it works!
Just responding to the last one, it was that easy and that's why nowadays the entire premises is swept for any potential aids before the tournament (I.e. the day before, go through every space and make sure that nothing is hidden), the player bathrooms are separate from everyone else's so that no one can sneak in to place something there without going through player screening, and everything you carry into the match is thoroughly inspected to ensure it doesn't contain a chess computer (to the point where they will check people's lipstick).
The reason the butt plug theory gained so much traction is that with the current security, there's only one check to stop it (the metal detector), the cheating method itself is theoretically sound, and its attention grabbing enough as a concept.
Much as with anything competitive, it's an arms race to gain a leg up before the advantage is neutralized so I'm sure that someday we will see a genuine case of butt plug cheating or security measures put in place to specifically prevent anally assisted gameplay