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Yeah, I did some packet captures this afternoon and realized that's exactly what's happening.
I want the VM to have multiple interfaces. I was just being lazy about connecting to it (wanted to use dns). The way I see it I have 3 options.
I did also find something online about policy based routing on the VM. But, all of this reeks of me overcomplicating things when I could just use the IP the couple times a month I ssh to these boxes.
We have gone through the exact same process!
Multiple NICs, fancy DNS, Linux not replying on the same interface.
I ended up being super lazy about it and using somewhat sensible IP addresses.
And only using 1 NIC - which also massively simplified firewall rules.
Everything turned into zone based rules (ie mgmt has access to dmz, vms, wan. VMs has access wan. DMZ has access to nothing. anything else is a specific rule).
I'm even thinking about swapping to a more zone oriented firewall solution.
However, if I were to do it again, I'd ditch the multiple vlans (well, almost. I'd have a proxmox/hardware vlan, and a VM vlan). I'd manage VM firewalls in proxmox, and network firewalls on opnsense.
Then I can be precise about who talks to who.