CW HOMOPHOBIA: My mother said I was too young to be gay, and now I don't have the motivation to come out again. (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by ImASquirrelYipee@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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Hello, The 4 people in my family who I was considering telling my truth have previously shown acceptance of LGBTQ+ people. They are my mother, father, grandpa (mother's side, probably the most vocal ally I know), grandma (father's side). I recently came out to my mother. She stated that I was too young to be gay, too young to know, and that she wasn't going to believe me until I was over the age of 18. I am in the middle of my teens, and I do not believe I am too young. I now find myself unable to come out to anyone else. It took so much effort to get the words out of my mouth and now I don't know how to tell anyone else. I'm sure, I'm praying, that if I tell her dad, or my dad, or his mum, they'll accept me. They'll make it all right. I don't know what to do. How can I tell someone.

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[-] emma@beehaw.org 14 points 1 year ago

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Much sympathy for trying to juggle this.

You've come out to your mum. Take a step back and appreciate that you did this. You found the strength to do it and you've done it. Take another moment to stay with this thought. Congratulations. Well done. You did it.

How she deals with it now is a her-thing. How your other people deal with it will be them-things. Just like your mum's reaction says more about her than it does about you, your mum's reaction also says more about her than how your other people will react.

Since her dad is a really vocal ally, you could try approaching him with a request for his help. Something like "Grandpa, I need your help. I told Mum I'm gay and she said I'm too young to know." This will hopefully put him in ally mode, rather than worried parent scared of what you'll face in this difficult world, and it would provide him with a useful course of action. People tend to like useful courses of action.

Does this sound like a good enough plan? I have life and youth work experience but you know your people best.

Whatever you choose to do, we're all here to support you as you find your way.